11 MP3 Audio clips from Beetlejuice (1988)

PLAY ALL 11 CLIPS

Clip 1

There's not much between diseased and deceased. So, it's perfectly understandable that Adam would get the title of this mysterious tome wrong.

Adam Maitland

"Handbook for the Recently Diseased."

Barbara Maitland

- Deceased.

Adam Maitland

Deceased.

Clip 2

Why do men (myself included) sometimes mean one thing but say another without meaning to? It's a curse. And one that can lead to sustained periods of no sex.

Charles Deetz

Delia Deetz, welcome home.

Delia Deetz

Charles!

Charles Deetz

It's okay, there's no damage. Look. See? Good, sturdy country craftsmanship. And look at that kitchen. You're finally going to be able to cook a decent meal.

Clip 3

Delia Deetz is mad. Mad as a box of frogs. And if Charles doesn't realise this by now, there's really no hope for him.

Delia Deetz

I'm here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole. But I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will go insane and I will take you with me!

Clip 4

Juno. She's the Maitland's caseworker in the afterlife. She shoots from the hip. She tells it like it is. She doesn't sugar-coat things. She's a straight shooter.

Juno

What's wrong?

Barbara Maitland

We're very unhappy.

Juno

What did you expect? You're dead!

Clip 5

Adam and Barbara really want the Deetz family out of their home. They need to scare them away. So they go become stereotypical ghosts.

[ADAM and BARBARA are dressed in sheets, moaning and wailing as they would expect ghosts to moan and wail]

Barbara Maitland

I feel so stupid.

Adam Maitland

It's not stupid, Barbara. We're ghosts! Do you want to spend the next hundred and twenty-five years having breakfast with this woman? Moan louder.

[They turn the volume of their ghostly moaning and wailing up to eleven]

Clip 6

Lydia Deetz is certainly strange. She is also certainly unusual. Which might explain why only she can see Adam and Barbara.

Adam Maitland

Well, how is it you see us and nobody else can?

Lydia Deetz

Well, I read through that Handbook for the Recently Deceased. It says, "Live people ignore the strange and unusual." I myself am strange and unusual.

Clip 7

Betelgeuse. He has no social cues. He thinks it, he says it, and to hell with the consequences. Literally, in this case.

Betelgeuse

Boy, do you know how to pick 'em! Let me ask you something. Is this relationship really solid? Do I have a shot at her, at all?

Adam Maitland

Excuse me.

Betelgeuse

Sure. Am I overstepping my bounds? Just tell me. C'mon.

Clip 8

Don't ever ask Betelguese what his qualifications are. It seems to really p*ss him off.

[BETELGUESE hawks and spits phlegm into his jacket pocket]

Betelguese

Save that guy for later.

Adam Maitland

My wife and I would like to ask you a couple of questions.

Betelguese

Sure, sure, sure. Go ahead. Shoot.

Adam Maitland

For instance, ah... what are your qualifications?

Betelguese

Ah, well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and I had a pretty good time during that. I've seen The Exorcist about a hundred and sixty-seven times and it keeps getting funnier... every single time I see it! Not to mention the fact that you're talking to a dead guy! Now what do you think? You think I'm qualified?

Clip 9

Now Betelguese is really p*ssed. So p*ssed, that he bestows violence upon a tree. But it's a model. A nice fu*king model!

Betelguese

Hey! Come on! Hey! Where'd you go? Oh, hey! Come on! You've got to work with me here. I'm just trying to cut a deal. What do you want me to do? Where are you? You bunch of losers! You're working with a professional here!

[He kicks a model tree which crashes to the ground]

Nice fu*king model!

[He grabs his crotch and it makes a sound like a vintage car horn]

Clip 10

Want a Betelguese message tone for your cellphone? How about the classic line that everybody remembers? Not sure who you'd use it for but that sounds like a you problem!

Betelguese

Nice fu*king model!

[He grabs his crotch and it makes a sound like a vintage car horn]

Clip 11

Betelguese catches Otho in a headlock as he's trying to escape. This might be the first time Otho has ever been called "Round Boy" but I'm willing to bet it isn't!

Betelguese

Not so fast, round boy. We're gonna have some laughs.