8 MP3 Audio clips from Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)

PLAY ALL 8 CLIPS

Clip 1

What is the most frustrating thing about police work? Well, the answers may surprise you.

Commandant Lassard

What is the most frustrating thing about police work?

Tackleberry

Not being able to carry hand grenades, sir.

Callahan

Separate locker rooms, sir.

Mahoney

Icky blue uniforms.

Clip 2

Proctor has no sense of humour and sarcasm is completely lost on him. So when Harris tells him to send the Commissioner packing...

Proctor

Uh, Captain Harris... Police Commissioner Hurst is here. You want to see him?

Harris

No. Send him packing.

Proctor

Yes, sir.

Harris

Proctor!

Proctor

Yes, sir?

Harris

Send the Commissioner in immediately.

Proctor

I thought you said to send him packing.

Harris

Immediately!

Proctor

Yes, sir.

Harris

Nincompoop.

Clip 3

One thing you should NEVER do is touch Harris' balls without asking.

[PROCTOR starts playing with HARRIS' Newton's Cradle desk toy]

Harris

Don't touch those! Don't you ever touch my balls without asking!

Clip 4

A skateboarder has been arrested and is facing a jail term for causing a public disturbance. He's angry with his defence attorney and worried about the safety of his rectum.

Arnie

You... you flushed me down the toilet!

Mahoney

Before you pass sentence -

Arnie

- They're gonna send me to jail, and some fat, hairy guy is gonna...

Clip 5

Tackleberry has issues. Largely around an unhealthy, almost sexual obsession with firearms. He would be a great advert for the NRA, don't you think?

Tackleberry

You want to become one with the gun. Feel the gun, caress the gun... until it's a living, breathing, vibrating... extension of yourself.

Mahoney

I look for the same in a woman.

Clip 6

It's that all-important life-saving section of the C.O.P. training programme. Callahan is going to play the drowning victim. Any volunteers to save her? One at a time now!

Callahan

I will play the drowning victim.

[She hands her sunglasses to ARNIE]

Arnie?

[CALLAHAN leaps into the water, emerges and her white t-shirt has become somewhat "revealing"]

Now, who's going to save me?

Men

Oh, yeah!

Callahan

Oh, sh*t!

Clip 7

Proctor. He's the man you love to hate. The man whose face you could punch all night without any risk of becoming bored. Yes, he's that guy!

Proctor

You know, uh, Captain Harris isn't gonna like this... goofing off.

Mahoney

Oh, come on. This is community relations.

Proctor

No, Mahoney. I'm an expert in goofing off, and this is goofing off. And I'm gonna have to tell him.

Hightower

I have an urge to break him in half.

Mahoney

Why fight it?

[HIGHTOWER begins advancing on PROCTOR]

Mahoney

No, Hightower. Take it easy, big guy. The creep's not worth it.

Clip 8

You can't question that Harris loves speaking through a loud-hailer. You can, however, question why his ass would be "rosy red."

Mahoney

Sir, why don't you just let everyone enjoy themselves?

Harris

[Speaking unnecessarily through a loud-hailer]

Why don't you just kiss my rosy red ass, Mahoney?