14 MP3 Audio clips from Scrooged (1988)

PLAY ALL 14 CLIPS

Clip 1

Where's dad? Well, son... he's out chasing beaver. Pretty despicable behaviour for a married man with a young son, wouldn't you agree?

Announcer

Nine o'clock, IBC presents America's favorite family in a special Christmas episode.

Wally

Hi, Mom. Where's Dad? He should have been home by now.

Mother

Well, Wally, if I know your father, he's out chasing Beaver.

Announcer

Father Loves Beaver. Here on IBC. Yule love it.

Clip 2

Frank doesn't like the trailers for the live adaptation of A Christmas Carol he's been presented with. But he knows how to give his opinion without hurting anybody's feelings. Probably.

Frank Cross

Oh, my gosh, does that suck!

Clip 3

Frank is out of options. He needs to tell his team how he feels about their efforts. And he's not pleased. Not that he's making that obvious. At all!

Frank Cross

We have spent forty-million dollars on a live TV show. You guys have got an ad with America's favourite old fart reading a book in front of a fireplace! Now I have to kill all of you.

Clip 4

It's Christmas Eve. Not the best time to let a member of your staff go. But festive spirit has never been high on Frank's list of warped priorities.

Frank Cross

Grace, who is that guy?

Grace Cooley

Eliot. Loudermilk.

Frank Cross

Okay. Call Security. Have them change his locks, clean out his desk and toss him out of the building.

Grace Cooley

Oh! He's fired? But it's Christmas!

Frank Cross

Thank you. Call Accounting. Stop his bonus. Ooh! A clear shot at his back.

Clip 5

Grace Cooley is vital to Frank's role as a television producer. And yet, he just doesn't value her. He doesn't even appreciate her. Who gives a towel as a bonus at Christmas?!

Frank Cross

Grace, put yourself down for a towel, too.

Grace Cooley

What about my bonus?

Frank Cross

Towel and a face cloth.

Grace Cooley

Ah, sh*t!

Clip 6

Grace needs to leave work to take her son to the doctor. Frank says he cares. He doesn't care. At all. No. Frank only cares about himself.

Frank Cross

Grace, I need a full report on a guy named Brice Cummings. He's an L.A. slime ball.

Grace Cooley

Okay. You're due at Helmsley Palace at seven o'clock. And I'm gonna leave. I'm gonna take my son -

Frank Cross

No, you're not. You're staying here with me. We're working late.

Grace Cooley

I have to take my son to the doctor.

Frank Cross

Grace, when I work late, you work late.

Grace Cooley

But I made the appointment two months ago.

Frank Cross

I care! We're indivisible. If I'm working late, you gotta work late! If you can't work late, I can't work late! If I can't work late, I can't work late!

Clip 7

Lew Hayward was Frank's old boss. Lew died. On the fourteenth tee of a golf course. But he's back. He's back to give Frank some advice. And drink his Bacardi.

[FRANK is repeatedly shooting the corpse in his office which is pouring itself a drink]

Lew Hayward (Deceased)

I don't mind you hitting me, Frank, but take it easy on the Bacardi.

Clip 8

If a corpse walked into my office, I like to think I'd be slightly more respectful. Not to mention scared. I guess Frank thinks he's dreaming.

Lew Hayward (Deceased)

I had it all. I was a captain of industry, feared by men, adored by women.

Frank Cross

Adored! Let's be honest, Lew. You paid for the women.

Clip 9

Frank's shock-tactic advertisement for Scrooge is so scary that it's caused the death of an octogenarian. And Frank thinks that's just great!

Ted

Have you seen this morning's paper, Frank?

Frank Cross

Ooh! Who's that? She's pretty.

Ted

She's dead, Frank. Apparently, this eighty-year-old grandmother was watching your Scrooge promo last night and she just... she just keeled over. It scared her to death.

Frank Cross

This is terrific! I knew that ad worked! You can't buy publicity like this!

Clip 10

In the good old days, there would be a censor on set for any live television broadcast. And this one doesn't like nipples at Christmas.

Frank Cross

You can't do this at the eleventh hour.

Censor

I'm sorry, Mr. Cross. I am the censor, and I will not allow this costume on the air.

Frank Cross

Why not?

Censor

Well, specifically, you can see her nipples.

Frank Cross

I want to see her nipples!

Censor

But this is a Christmas show!

Frank Cross

Well, Charles Dickens would have wanted to see her nipples, then.

Clip 11

The Ghost of Christmas Present has just accidentally, on purpose, kicked Frank in the balls.

Ghost of Christmas Present

Oh, I'm so relieved. It's been so long.

[The GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT flies towards FRANK and kicks him in the balls]

Ghost of Christmas Present

Hello, Frank. I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present.

Frank Cross

I had a funny feeling. Why did you do that?

Ghost of Christmas Present

Sometimes you have to slap them in the face just to get their attention.

Frank Cross

Fine, slap me in the face. But you kicked me in the -

Ghost of Christmas Present

Hush, Frank. It's time to begin our journey.

Clip 12

Don't fu*k with the Ghost of Christmas Present. She may have a child-like voice and seem pretty simple but she packs a powerful punch.

Ghost of Christmas Present

[Whispering]

Let's go now, Frank.

Frank Cross

[Shoving GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT]

Leave me alone. I know this one.

Ghost of Christmas Present

Everybody knows this [shoves him back] one. Let's go now!

Frank Cross

Oh, yeah? Does everybody know this one here? [Puts his hands around her throat]

Ghost of Christmas Present

Oh, Frank, we're fighting again. Let's not [headbutts him] fight anymore! Oh, look, Frank. What is it? It's a [hits him in the face with a toaster] toaster!

Clip 13

Frank has just got into an elevator with the Grim Reaper. It's a sobering experience. But he's decided to call the big guy out. Good call, Frank.

Frank Cross

He's here for me! Come on! All right, come on! Give it to me! You think I'm afraid of you, the day I've had? I know what you came for. Come and get it, you pu**y.

Clip 14

Remember Eliot Loudermilk, the poor bastard Frank fired at the beginning of the movie? Well, Eliot's back. He's back and he's p*ssed off.

Eliot Loudermilk

Honey, I'm home!

[ELIOT discharges his shotgun into the office ceiling]