2 MP3 Audio clips from Season 10 of Hale & Pace (1986)

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How do you get your teenager to do something they don't want to do? Threats? Violence? No. No need. Just start regaling him or her with stories of what you and their mother get up to in bed. Da-daaaa!

Mother

Jamie, I'm getting really annoyed. Will you please go and do as you are told.

[JAMIE doesn't move]

Right. I'm going to get really cross with you, in a minute.

Father

What's going on?

Mother

I've told him to tidy his room and he just ignores me.

Father

Jamie, do as your mother says. Go and tidy your room.

Jamie

No.

Mother

Oh, this is terrible! I can't do a thing with him.

Father

Go and do it NOW. I'm warning you, young man.

Jamie

Oh, p*ss off!

Father

Right. That's it.

Jamie

What you gonna do? Put me over your knee and spank me?

Father

I'm sorry to have to do this to you, Jamie but I'm afraid you leave me no option. Before sex, I arouse your mother by using the tip of my tongue to stimulate her nipples.

Jamie

What? Urrgh. No!

Father

Your mother enjoys many and various different sexual positions, she's very experimental in bed.

Jamie

Oh, that's disgusting. All right, I'll tidy my room.

Father

Yes and then you'll clean my car for me.

Jamie

Oh, get lost.

Father

Orally...

Jamie

All right. I'll do it!

If only personal ads were more honest. Like this one, for example. The woman sounds perfect. The guy... sad, loud, immature, and hung like a shrew.

Woman

You're sad, loud, immature and hung like a shrew?

Man

Single, fun-loving non-smoker?

Woman

That's me. Hi. Nice to meet you!

Man

Hi!