2 MP3 Audio clips from Season 3 of Hale & Pace (1986)

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Sitting in bed, reading a book, innocuously reading something to your wife and she cuts you down to size with twelve words that no man should ever hear from the one he loves.

Man

Oh, that's interesting. Says here that, uh... early childhood experiences can affect behaviour in later life.

Wife

Yeah... 'cause you were premature as a baby as well, weren't you?

Remember the Lambada? Kaoma's hit from 1989 that sparked a world-wide craze for dirty dancing? Well, apparently (I was too young to realise) we weren't that great at it in the UK.

Gareth Hale

♪
Latin guys who are looking for love,
walk the beaches of Copacabana.
Trying to find a lovely dancing girl,
with who to do the Lambada.

Norman Pace

But the English, they have the dancing skills,
of a drunken Douglas Bader.

Gareth Hale

So they don't do the Lambada,

Norman Pace

they just do the Hump-ada.

Gareth Hale / Norman Pace

Forget the Lambada,
just do the Hump-ada.

Gareth Hale

In the back of a Ford Granada,
everybody Hump-ada.

Norman Pace

Do it down on the kitchen floor,
or even in the larder.

Gareth Hale

From Cockermouth to Littlehampton,

Gareth Hale / Norman Pace

everybody Humpa-ada.

Norman Pace

They're doing it in the country cottage,
even in the country houses.
Standing up in a hammock,
in a pair of rubber trousers.

Gareth Hale

Boys are doing it with the girls,
and even with the boys.

Norman Pace

And if you're very lonely,

Gareth Hale

you can do it with a toy.

Gareth Hale / Norman Pace

Forget the Lambada,
just do the Hump-ada.

Gareth Hale

You'll find it that much harder,
in a Škoda, or a Lada.

Norman Pace

Put a glass against the wall,
and listen to your mother and father.

Gareth Hale

'Cause once in every eighteen months,
even parents Hump-ada.

Gareth Hale / Norman Pace

Forget the Lambada,
just do the Hump-ada.

Gareth Hale

In suspendies and a garter,
not bad for a starter.

Norman Pace

Smother your body in baby oil,
or Taramasalata.

Gareth Hale

You're jogging horizontally,

Gareth Hale / Norman Pace

when you do the Hump-ada.

Norman Pace

Sexy Latin American dances,
are full of grind and bump.

Gareth Hale

But you can keep the Lambada,

Gareth Hale / Norman Pace

'cause we prefer to Hump-ada!