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Hale & Pace | Season 2
© 1986 London Weekend Television
Hale & Pace was the comedy sketch show of Gareth Hale & Norman Pace which first hit UK screens in 1986 and went on for 12 years. During its run, it spawned a number of popular and oft-quoted characters and provided some equally memorable spoof musical numbers. It got funnier as time went on which is why we start slowly and build up!
UPDATED: | CLIPS: 58
WARNING: ADULT CONTENT!
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PLAY ALL 58 CLIPS IN THE RANDOMISER™ |
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Clip 1 S02 E01 |
Remember the days when British TV was plagued by movies and TV shows badly dubbed to remove curse words and sexually explicit language? Dubbed by someone who sounded nothing like the character?... |
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Announcer |
Later tonight, for the first time on British television, Mario Scantini's 47th Precinct. |
Bodell |
You wanted to see me, Chief? |
Chief |
Yeah, Bodell. You're off the Jensen murder case. |
Bodell |
Off the case? What the dickens do you mean? |
Chief |
Well, Bodell, it's because you made a complete mess of it. |
Bodell |
That's a load of blooming nonsense, Chief and you know it. |
Chief |
I warned you, Bodell. Senator Jensen's been on my back again, and if you don't quit the case, it's my career on the line. |
Bodell |
Senator Jensen is the biggest blinking scoundrel in this city. |
Chief |
Sure, sure. Yeah. |
Bodell |
He wants me off the complicated case because he knows I'm gonna nail his rear end to the toilet wall. |
Chief |
You're wrong, Bodell. You wanna know the real reason he wants you off the case? |
Bodell |
Sure. |
Chief |
He wants you off the case because you blinking swear too much. |
Bodell |
Poppycock. |
Chief |
It's not poppycock, Bodell. It's a fact. |
Bodell |
Twenty-four hours, Chief. |
Chief |
What? |
Bodell |
Give me twenty-four hours and I'll wrap up this mother- scamp... red ribbon... lovely... Christmas present. |
Chief |
Sorry, Bodell. I can't do it. |
Bodell |
Oh, come on, for goodness sake! |
Chief |
Get out of my office. |
Bodell |
Okay. Okay. But don't take it out on my bottom when this... moves on to some other poor unfortunate victim. 'Cause I don't give a hoot. |
[BODELL slams the office door and the glass pane shatters] |
Chief |
Stupid pr**k! |
Clip 2 S02 E01 |
Ahhh. Children's television. I don't miss it. Inane, saccharine presenters, and repetitive content. But they were good for some occasional, accidental innuendo. Like this, for example. |
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Johnny |
Hello, Billy. |
Billy |
Hello, Johnny. |
Johnny / Billy |
Hello, everyone! |
Billy |
Today, Johnny and I are... confused. |
Johnny |
What sort of a goat... is this? |
Billy |
That... is a Billy, Johnny. |
Johnny |
A Billy, Billy? |
Billy |
No. There's only one of them. |
Johnny |
Oh. What sort of a goat... is this? |
Billy |
That's a Nanny, Johnny. |
Johnny |
A Nanny, Billy? |
Billy |
No, this is the Billy, Johnny. |
Johnny |
Oh. I'm confused. |
Billy |
What have you got there? |
Johnny |
This is a rubber, Billy. |
Billy |
A rubber, Johnny? |
Johnny |
No. This is - |
Billy |
Silly Billy! |
Clip 3 S02 E03 |
There's no easy way to find out that your wife is a prostitute who operates out of your marital bed. But this has got to be one of the worst, surely? |
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Man |
I've got the kids organised and I'm off to work myself. I'll see you later on tonight then, darling. |
Wife |
[Half asleep] |
Just leave the fifty quid on the table. |
