9 MP3 Audio clips from Rise of the Footsoldier (2007)

PLAY ALL 9 CLIPS

Clip 1

The terraces at West Ham are no place to settle old scores. Even when there's wire mesh separating you from your nemesis, you're not safe. Not when Bovril is involved!

Carlton Leach

There's your Bovril, Bill, nice and hot.

Hooligan

Come on then, Gardner! I've waited all fu*king year for you, you c*nt! Come on...

[BILL throws the steaming hot Bovril into the HOOLIGAN'S face and he falls to the ground, screaming]

Bill Gardner

Gonna need another one of those, lad. Get us a meat pie an' all.

Clip 2

A day out at the football meant a day kicking people's heads in. At least that's what it was like for the Inter-City Firm (I.C.F.) and they didn't discriminate. They were just out for a fight.

Carlton Leach

All right, darling?

Karen Leach

You look a state, Carlton.

Carlton Leach

Red Army? Don't make me laugh. Scruffy Manc c*nts.

Karen Leach

You had a good time then?

Carlton Leach

Yeah, we kicked their fu*king heads in. It was classic.

Clip 3

This girl wasn't backwards in coming forwards. Whatever happened to dating? To a few drinks, candlelit dinners, a night at the cinema? No. She has something far more perfunctory in mind.

Barlady

There you go, sweetheart.

Carlton Leach

Ta, babe. But you know what? I'd better get going.

Barlady

Well, then, how about... I jump into the back of your motor and suck your big c*ck?

Clip 4

How would Carlton Leach describe his first experience with drugs? Well, let's hear it from the man himself, shall we?!

Carlton Leach

It was incredible; the first time I'd ever touched drugs and I got as close to God as chemically possible. The biggest crowd I'd managed before was three-hundred strong and fifteen lumps just about managed to stop them from killing each other. But everybody here was in love. I mean, the drugs were breaking down social barriers. Peace by ecstasy. Even old Thatcher couldn't have dreamt that up!

Clip 5

Remember the Little Chef restaurant chain? I mean... you got what you paid for, essentially. And I can't entirely blame Pat Tate for losing his mind and knocking out the waiter.

Pat Tate

Pass the salt. Now cradle my balls.

Kate Carter

Like that?

Pat Tate

Yeah, but slow down a little. Don't fu*king rush it.

[To the WAITER]

Oi! What's that?

Waiter

It's the bill, sir.

Pat Tate

I can see it's the fu*king bill, but I didn't ask for it.

Waiter

I assumed that since you hadn't ordered anything for the last twenty minutes, that you didn't want anything else.

Pat Tate

Who are you to assume you know anything about me? Take it away.

[To FELLOW DINER]

Who are you fu*king looking at, nose ointment?

Kate Carter

What's this they've charged us for?

Pat Tate

Show us.

[To the WAITER]

What's that?

Waiter

It's the service charge.

Pat Tate

That's very comical, son. I thought only proper restaurants charged that.

Waiter

You had the sit-down menu...

Pat Tate

So if I stood up and ate it, you'd have charged me less.

Waiter

Well, it's policy.

Pat Tate

Listen, you low-ife jobsworth c*nt! For the last twenty minutes, she's had her hand wrapped around my c*ck. Every time I get into a rhythm, one of you fu*king mugs walks over and puts me off. Maybe if I'd have shot my bolt, I'd have paid the service, but you keep coming over and interrupting me.

Waiter

Sir, if you don't calm down, I'll ask you to leave.

Pat Tate

[To KATE]

Get your coat.

[The WAITER receives the beating of his life]

Clip 6

Craig has fu*ked up. Royally. Bumping into Carlton Leach in the toilets, he's made some quip about him being Tom Cruise and going to get a piece of paper for an autograph. Oops!

Tony Tucker

Hey, Craig, say hello to my man Carlton.

Carlton Leach

We've met. You want to tell me something?

Craig Rolfe

No. I'm sorry. Tone, I didn't know he was a friend of yours. If I knew -

Carlton Leach

- Let me just say to you, fella. It ain't a good idea to go out drinking on an empty head. Are you looking to get hurt?

Clip 7

Pat needs cash for a big deal. He's made some contacts. He didn't spend his time in prison... well, you know...

Pat Tate

Now, Mickey needs eighty large up front to get the gear. He's in for fifteen. I'm in for forty.

Tony Tucker

Fu*king forty?! You ain't got forty, Pat.

Pat Tate

Yeah, but I will in a couple of days.

Tony Tucker

How's that, then?

Pat Tate

I've got all these contacts sorted out. I didn't spend my time in nick wa*king.

Tony Tucker

Yes, you fu*king did.

Pat Tate

You're right...

[PAT mimes masturbation]

"Fu*king let me out!"

Clip 8

The drugs were no good. And Pat is straight on the phone to Mickey to complain.

Pat Tate

Mick, listen to me. You couldn't con a twelve-year-old with that gear. I'm down forty grand!

Mickey Steele

I'll sort it out.

Pat Tate

You fu*king will, you slippery c*nt, or I'll come round there and sort you out!

Mickey Steele

Jesus Christ, Pat.

Pat Tate

Jesus Christ? Jesus fu*king Christ?! You'll be screaming that when I do you with this blade, you no-good c*nt!

Clip 9

Oh dear, Roger. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. You picked the wrong customer to p*ss off, didn't you? And you know what happens when Pat Tate gets p*ssed off, don't you? Bad things, Roger. Bad things.

Escort

Can I have a twelve-inch, please? What? What do you mean you don't do four toppings? It's a pizza shop!

Pat Tate

Give me the phone.

[She hands the phone to PAT]

What's your problem, mate? Well, why can't we have all four fu*king toppings?

Roger Spooner

Because it's not on the menu, sir.

Pat Tate

What you talking about, "not on the menu"? We're talking about cheese, you c*nt! Listen, deliver the fu*king pizza she wants, or I'll come down there and fu*king open you up.

Roger Spooner

Sir, this phone delivery line is actually only for people over the age of twelve. Now if you'd like to calm down and get your mummy or daddy to phone back, I'll be happy to send you a pizza.

Pat Tate

Who am I talking to?

Roger Spooner

My name's Roger Spooner, sir. I'm the manager.

Pat Tate

Well, Rog, you do yourself a fu*king favour, mate. 'Cause this is your last chance for a fu*king peaceful night. Deliver the fu*king pizza she wants, or your mum and dad'll down the fu*king morgue at four in the morning identifying your fu*king body. You got me, c*nt?