7 MP3 Audio clips from The 'Burbs (1989)

PLAY ALL 7 CLIPS

Clip 1

Walter Seznick has a dog. A poodle named Queenie. And Queenie doesn't like sh*tting on her own doorstep. Literally. Mark has had enough of her crapping on his lawn.

Carol Peterson

[Sighs]

What are you doing up?

Ray Peterson

Walter's dog just took a dump on Rumsfield's lawn again.

Carol Peterson

Good, honey.

Mark Rumsfield

I know you're in there, old man.

Bonnie Rumsfield

Honey, honey... the neighbours.

Mark Rumsfield

Listen up, mister. That piece of scum, barking rat of yours has just taken his last dump on my lawn. I find one more... just one, I'm gonna catch him and staple his ass shut.

[QUEENIE, the dog in question, begins barking at MARK through the living room window]

Oh my God, I'm gonna do it right now.

Bonnie Rumsfield

No, no, no, no! Honey, please. Come on. Let's go.

Clip 2

Did I mention that Mark Rumsfield has an issue with Queenie crapping in his yard? Because he has. He has a REAL issue with it. One of these days, Queenie is going to meet with a little accident.

Mark Rumsfield

That old fart. Got the best lawn on the block. And you know why? Because he trains his dog to crap in my yard.

Clip 3

Either Ray or Art are going to have to introduce themselves to Hans. But Hans looks like an extra from Deliverance. "Boy! I say, Boy! You sure got a perty mouth!"

Art Weingartner

All right, why don't you go say hi?

Ray Peterson

Well, yeah. I guess I could.

Art Weingartner

Yeah, well this... this would be the perfect time because you could go up and talk to him and see what he's like, you know. Go.

Ray Peterson

You could go see him if I don't, too you know.

Art Weingartner

Yeah, but he's your neighbour.

Ray Peterson

Well, he's your neighbour as well.

Art Weingartner

No, but I'm over here. You share a property line with him, he's your -

Ray Peterson

Yeah but we're all on the same block, so...you could go too, so...

Art Weingartner

No, it's... we're on the same town, too but you're right next to him. If he's ever gonna borrow anything he'd come over to your place.

Ray Peterson

Well, he's... he's busy now.

Art Weingartner

No, he's not busy. Now look... he's going in. Go now because if... I mean... he's going back in. If you're... if you're gonna say hi, you should probably... there, he's going in to the house. You're gonna lose him 'cos he's... he's gonna go in. Well, now there you've blown it, haven't you?

Ray Peterson

No, I didn't blow it.

Art Weingartner

Chicken.

Ray Peterson

He went into his house.

Art Weingartner

Chicken. BWAARRK!

Ray Peterson

I'm not chicken because he went into his house.

Art Weingartner

[Continues to make chicken noises]

Oh, he went into his... you know, you look like a chicken in front of our son and everything. Your son.

Clip 4

Ray is meant to be relaxing. De-stressing. He's meant to be spending some quality time doing very little. Instead, his blood pressure is raised and his head is about to explode!

Ray Peterson

You go up to the cottage and get a tan. Take David with you. I don't care. I'll eat takeout, I'll do the laundry by myself, I'll vacuum. The house will be spotless when you get back.

Dave Peterson

Dad! Dad! Dad! Art's throwing garbage all over the street.

Ray Peterson

Your mom and I are having a conversation. If you... what?!

Clip 5

Sometimes, wives need to become mothers. Not to their children but to their husbands because us men... well, we have a tendency to revert to childhood at random moments.

Carol Peterson

Sorry, boys. My husband's not feeling well. He has to stay in his room.

Art Weingartner

Oooh! He's bad.

Mark Rumsfield

Come on. Please, Carol. Let him come out. Come on.

Carol Peterson

He can't come out until his resembles the man that I married.

Art Weingartner

We don't have that kind of time.

Mark Rumsfield

Please let him come out.

Art Weingartner

Come on.

Carol Peterson

I think that I have given you my answer.

Clip 6

Taking your wife's advice does not make you pu**y-whipped. It makes you a man. And a good husband. But Art and Mark don't get that. Because they're a**holes.

Art Weingartner

So, uh... what's the deal, Ray? Are you siding with the chicks against us? Is that it?

Mark Rumsfield

Yeah. You totally pu**y-whipped or what? Why don't you just take your balls out of your wife's purse, make a stand for one time in your life.

Ray Peterson

[Laughs]

Clip 7

It might sound like Ray is trying to get rid of his wife and son for the weekend... because that's precisely what he's trying to do. He needs some time with the guys to deal with the Klopeks.

Carol Peterson

Why do I get the impression that you're trying to get rid of me?

Ray Peterson

Well, I'm gonna be gone all day, hon. I figured it'd be a good time for you to go and see Evelyn. And you... have a good time with the cousins.

Dave Peterson

I hate them, Dad. Rudy is a moron and Diane smells.

Ray Peterson

Have a nice weekend.