9 MP3 Audio clips from Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)

PLAY ALL 9 CLIPS

Clip 1

Ever had one of those mornings when, thanks to copious amounts of alcohol, you can't remember anything about the night before? Well, that's what Chester and Jesse are struggling with here.

Chester

I'm starving.

[CHESTER opens the fridge to find it rammed full of potted puddings]

Jesse

It's... pudding.

Chester

I always wondered what a fridge full of pudding would look like.

Jesse

Is it possible that we got so wasted last night... we bought a lifetime supply of pudding and then forgot about it?

Chester

I'd say it's entirely possible.

Clip 2

Dude, where's my car? This is a circular and largely pointless conversation which became the title of the movie. That's really all I can say about that.

Jesse

Dude, where's my car?

Chester

Where's your car, dude?

Jesse

Dude, where's my car?

Chester

Where's your car, dude?

Jesse

Dude, where's my car?

Chester

Where's your car, dude?

Jesse

Did I drive last night?

Chester

Yeah, I think so.

Jesse

Really?

Chester

I'm not sure.

[Laughs]

Dude, where's your car?

Jesse

Dude, it's not funny, Dude. The car is gone.

Chester

Yeah.

Jesse

Dude, where's my car?

[CHESTER laughs]

Clip 3

Don't step out into the street in front of a car driven by an elderly woman. Especially if she doesn't like you. You're likely to get run down.

Chester

Hey, it's Mrs. Crabbleman. She'll give us a ride.

[CHESTER steps out into the street to flag down their elderly neighbour]

Hey, Mrs. Crabbleman! Hey! Hey! Mrs. Crabbleman!

[MRS. CRABBLEMAN hits CHESTER with her car, knocking him over]

Mrs. Crabbleman

Fu*kin' stoners.

Clip 4

Ever ordered at a drive-thru? Talking into one of those intercom things, trying to order quickly to avoid holding up the queue? Yeah, that and the fact the Chinese Food Lady is an a**hole...

Chinese Food Lady

"Chinese Foooood." May I help you?

Jesse

Yeah, I'd like to place an order.

Chinese Food Lady

And what you like?

Jesse

Yeah, I'd like, uh... three orders of garlic chicken.

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

And then three orders of white rice.

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

And then.... oh, hey, you guys want soup?

Chester

Sure.

Jesse

Yeah. Three orders of, uh, wonton soup.

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

Oh, uh, some fortune cookies too.

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

Uh, actually, I think that's about it.

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

No, that's it.

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

No "and then." I... I... that's... that's all I want.

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

And then... and then, um, and then, um, and then nothin' else, because I'm done ordering. Okay?

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

Uh, no. No. See, all... all I want is the three orders of the garlic chicken... and the three orders of the white rice.

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Chester

And the soup, dude.

Jesse

Oh, and... and the wonton soup.

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Nelson

And the cookies, fortune.

Jesse

Hey, and the fortune cookies, yeah... so it's just the, uh... it's the... the chicken, the rice... the soup and the fortune cookies, and that's it.

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

And then, uh, you can put it in a brown paper bag and come put it in my hand, because I'm ready to eat.

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

Hey, I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games.

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

No! No "and then!"

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

No "and then!"

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

No "and then!"

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

No "and then!"

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

No "and then!"

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

No! No "and then!"

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

You're really starting to p*ss me off, lady.

Chinese Food Lady

And then?

Jesse

And then... I'm gonna come in there and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass... if you say "and then" again!

Chinese Food Lady

And then and then and then and then and then...

[JESSE starts smashing up the order box]

.... and then?

Clip 5

For the record, the "hoo-hoo" to which they're referring is actually Chrissie Boner's breast. Not her... you know... lady garden.

Chester

Dude, just you touched Christie Boner's hoo-hoo.

Jesse

Shibby! Low-five.

Chester

Yeah.

Jesse

Yeah.

Chester

Let's get out of here.

Clip 6

Although Jesse DOES have an emergency, dealing with that will mean dragging Chester away from an ensemble of breakdancing strippers. And that's going to mean physical intervention.

Jesse

Dude, dude! We gotta go.

Chester

Are you crazy? I'm with breakdancing strippers.

Jesse

Seriously, dude, this is an emergency.

Chester

So is this, dude. It's a breakdancing stripper emergency.

[JESSE picks CHESTER up in a fireman's lift and carries him toward the door]

Chester

Goodbye!

Strippers

Bye, Chester!

Chester

I love you!

Clip 7

Okay, so their memories of the previous evening are foggy. So, they've got themselves into some weird sh*t but does that mean they need to cut back on the shibbying? Surely not.

Jesse

Wait a second. Let's recap. Last night, we lost my car... we accepted stolen money from a transsexual stripper... and now some space nerds want us to find something we can't pronounce. Maybe we should cut back on the shibbying.

[CHESTER slaps JESSE hard across the face]

Thanks, dude.

Clip 8

Let's be clear. Jesse and Chester have both gotten tattoos. Chester's says, "Sweet!" and Jesse's says, "Dude!" There's no room for any confusion. Surely?

Jesse

Dude, you got a tattoo!

Chester

What? So did you, dude.

Jesse

Naw.

Chester

Dude, what does my tattoo say?

Jesse

"Sweet"! What about mine?

Chester

"Dude"! What does mine say?

Jesse

"Sweet"! What about mine?

Chester

"Dude"! What does mine say?

Jesse

"Sweet"! What about mine?

Chester

"Dude"! And mine?

Jesse

"Sweet"! What about mine?

Chester

"Dude"! What does mine say?

Jesse

"Sweet"! What about mine?

Chester

"Dude"! What does mine say?

Jesse

"Sweet"! What about mine?

Chester

"Dude"! What does mine say?

Jesse

"Sweet"!

Chinese Tailor

Idiots! Your tattoo says "dude", your tattoo says "sweet." Got it?

Chester

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Clip 9

Tommy knows about the Continuum Transfunctioner. And it's all thanks to those (and I quote), "Double-crossing, sexy, sexy sluts." Apparently.

Chester

What was that?

Jesse

Tommy's gotten to Nelson! He knows about the continuum transfunctioner.

Chester

Those double-crossing sexy, sexy sluts!