5 MP3 Audio clips from Paint (2023)

PLAY ALL 5 CLIPS

Clip 1

Remember CB radio? Remember how CB radios had a public address function? I'm not sure why. Who needed that facility? Well, Carl Nagle certainly makes use of it. Not good use, though.

[CARL NAGLE is sat at traffic signals when a car pulls up alongside him and the driver sounds his horn]

Superfan

You inspire me to greatness.

Carl Nagle

Hi. Pardon me?

Superfan

You inspire me to greatness!

[CARL NAGLE uses the PA function on his CB radio to speak to the other driver]

Carl Nagle

I put the brush in God's hand.

Superfan

I've been going to a special place with you since I was nine!

Carl Nagle

Thanks for coming with me.

[A passing mother with a young daughter overhears this exchange]

Mother

Oh, Lord. Go, go, go, go, go!

Clip 2

Wendy is reminiscing about a date with Carl Nagle that happened years ago. Can you guess what she's talking about? Hint: it's not his penis.

Wendy

He'd finished all of his chowder and most of his bread bowl, and then he turned to me and he said...

[We flash back to the date]

Carl Nagle

You want to touch my sandals?

Wendy

And I said...
More than I've ever wanted anything.
His socks didn't stay on for long, either. Oh, even under the sheet, I could tell it was impressive. And then he mounted it on my living room wall for everyone to see.

Clip 3

Another disastrous date, this time present-day and with Jenna; a vegetarian who has accidentally eaten some veal. And she just can't keep her feelings (or her stomach contents) to herself.

Jenna

I think I'm going to throw up.

Carl Nagle

Okay, maybe the highway system isn't the only thing moving too fast.

Jenna

I mean, from the... from the meat. I can't stop thinking about how I have a cow inside me.

Carl Nagle

You mean the veal?

[JENNA rushes to the bathroom where we hear her vomiting violently]

Jenna

I just want you to know that I can't imagine tonight being any better.

[Vomits]

Can you?

Carl Nagle

Same.

Clip 4

When Carl broke up with Wendy, he did it via CB radio which, when you think about it, was the 1980s equivalent of breaking up via text message.

Wendy

Carl, do you remember how you left me?

Carl Nagle (on CB)

This is Painter looking for Tater Hots. Come back, Tater Hots. Over.

Wendy

[Sighs]

This is Tater Hots. What's your twenty, painter? You coming over? Over.

Carl Nagle

No, Tater Hots. It's over. Over.

Wendy

What do you mean, it's over over? Over.

Carl Nagle

Hoping we can stay good buddies, good buddy. Over.

Clip 5

Carl Nagle is back and the locals couldn't be happier. They're inundating PBS Burlington's switchboard with their feedback. And one complaint about Carl stealing newspapers.

Wendy

PBS Burlington.

Male Caller

I just want to say it's great to have Carl back.

Wendy

Yes, it is great to have Carl back. Please hold. PBS Burlington.

Male Caller

I'm no longer terrified watching "Paint."

Wendy

I agree. Carl's paintings are less terrifying than Ambrosia's. Please hold. PBS Burlington.

Female Caller

Carl stole my newspaper.

Wendy

Yes. We're aware that Carl is stealing newspapers. Please hold. PBS Burlington...