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58 MP3 Audio clips from Season 12 of The Simpsons (1989)

Starting out in 1987 as a segment on the Tracey Ullman Show and going independent in 1990, The Simpsons is now a global phenomenon, following the lives of a dysfunctional family from Springfield comprising Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie. Running for 34 seasons and the same number of years, it's a positive goldmine of comedy which we're very proud to (finally) commence work on.

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Timestamp: 2024-08-07 | Added: 2023-02-15
The Simpsons

The Simpsons | Season 12

© 1989 Gracie Films / 20th Television Animation

Starting out in 1987 as a segment on the Tracey Ullman Show and going independent in 1990, The Simpsons is now a global phenomenon, following the lives of a dysfunctional family from Springfield comprising Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie. Running for 34 seasons and the same number of years, it's a positive goldmine of comedy which we're very proud to (finally) commence work on.

UPDATED: | CLIPS: 441

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Clip 1

S12 E01: "Treehouse of Horror XI"

Homer's horoscope has clearly said he's going to die. And fate is certainly trying every trick she knows to make it happen. Including a rattlesnake hanging by its fangs from his arm.

Download Clip 0290-380 to your PC / Mac  

Lenny Leonard

Homer, if I may compliment you...

Homer Simpson

Yes, go on...

Lenny Leonard

That is one handsome rattlesnake you've got biting your arm there.

Carl Carlson

Yeah, that's quite fetching but, uh... aren't you worried about the deadliness?

Homer Simpson

Nah. He'll get tired of biting in an hour or so. Snakes. Nature's quitters.

Clip 2

S12 E01: "Treehouse of Horror XI"

In this re-imagining of Hansel & Gretel, Bart and Lisa are trapped in the witch's gingerbread house, eating their body-weight in candy in preparation for a slow roasting in her oven.

Download Clip 0290-381 to your PC / Mac  

[BART is greedily inhaling candy]

Lisa Simpson

You know, she's only fattening you up so she can eat you.

Bart Simpson

Yeah, what are you gonna do?

Lisa Simpson

Well, at least stop basting yourself!

Clip 3

S12 E01: "Treehouse of Horror XI"

Dolphins have taken over Springfield and soon... the world. In response to which, Mayor Quimby makes this impassioned speech. In which he reasons that everyone is frightened. And horny! Hmm.

Download Clip 0290-382 to your PC / Mac  

Mayor Quimby

[Sounding his gavel to get the crowd's attention]

People, please... we're all frightened and horny. But we can't let some killer dolphins from living and scoring.

Clip 4

S12 E02: "A Tale of Two Springfields"

Springfield has been split down the middle. New Springfield, of which Homer is the mayor (I know, right?!), is proving a laughing stock for Old Springfield.

Download Clip 0290-383 to your PC / Mac  

Kent Brockman

As expected, New Springfield's bold experiment in slob rule is a disaster.

Homer Siimpson

Hey, the TV man is talking about us!

Kent Brockman

A study shows, their crumbling economy is due to their lazy attitude and shoddy work.

Homer Simpson

How the hell did they find that out?

Kent Brockman

Scientists say they're also less attractive physically and while we speak in a well-educated manner, they tend to use low-brow expressions like, "Oh yeah?", and, "Come here a minute."

Homer Simpson

Oh yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart, come here a minute.

Bart Simpson

You come here a minute.

Homer Simpson

Oh yeah?!

Clip 5

S12 E02: "A Tale of Two Springfields"

For the record, Kent Brockman, the term golden showers has a special, um... grown-up meaning. Where some people (I like to call them freaks) enjoy being peed on by other people.

Download Clip 0290-384 to your PC / Mac  

Kent Brockan

With the money made from the gold, Old Springfield was able to buy the Evian water factory and fly it over here from France.

Homer Simpson

Ohhhhhh!

Kent Brockman

Thanks, Mayor Simpson. Because of you, we're all taking golden showers.

[The floor assistants and camera operators can be heard laughing]

What?!

Clip 6

S12 E03: "Insane Clown Poppy"

Is there a point in EVERY father's life when he blows up his daughter's bedroom? If so, I missed that memo. Because I've never used C4 to tidy my daughter's bedroom, even if it looks like I have.

Download Clip 0290-385 to your PC / Mac  

Lisa Simpson

[Gasps]

What's going on here?

Homer Simpson

Uh, honey? There's a point in every father's life when he blows up his daughter's room.

Lisa Simpson

Oh, yeah? You didn't blow up Maggie's room.

[An explosion is heard in the background]

Clip 7

S12 E03: "Insane Clown Poppy"

Imagine a technology that allows you to absorb great works of literature simply by attaching electrodes to your head and scrotum. And then promise yourself that you'll never buy into it.

Download Clip 0290-386 to your PC / Mac  

Professor Frink

[Clears his throat]

Hi! With my infocram 6000, you can absorb books instantly by attaching this electrode to the brain pan and this one to the LOIIINS!

[The machine starts discharging electricity into the hapless PROFESSOR FRINK]

Garden... Tolstoy... searing... brain... Isaac!

Clip 8

S12 E03: "Insane Clown Poppy"

Christopher... Walken. He has... such a... strange... delivery... style. Wouldn't... you agree? It's like he... forgot his... lines. Like he's emphasising the wrong syllables of every sentence.

Download Clip 0290-387 to your PC / Mac  

Marge Simpson

Look, Maggie. Christopher Walken's reading Goodnight, Moon.

Christopher Walken

Goodnight... room. Goodnight... moon. Goodnight... cow... jumping... over the moon.

[The toddlers at his feet get scared and begin backing away on their hands and knees]

Please... children... schooch closer. Don't make me tell you... again. About the scooching. You in the red... chop chop. Hmm.

Clip 9

S12 E03: "Insane Clown Poppy"

Krusty is signing autographs when who should he meet but his long-lost daughter, Sophie. He should have known, really. She has his hair!

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Krusty the Clown

Name?

Sophie

My name is Sophie.

Krusty the Clown

Hey, good luck with that.

Sophie

I'm your daughter.

Krusty the Clown

What?

Sophie

I finally found my daddy.

Krusty the Clown

Ohh! I think I just "seltzered" myself.

John Updike

[Laughs]

Krusty the Clown

Shut up, Updike!

Clip 10

S12 E03: "Insane Clown Poppy"

Johnny Tightlips has been shot. But he's no grass. He ain't saying nothin'. Which is a double-negative. If he isn't saying nothing, he's saying something. Am I right?

Download Clip 0290-389 to your PC / Mac  

Louie

Johnny Tightlips... where did they hit ya?

Johnny Tightlips

I ain't sayin' nothin'.

Louie

Well, what do I tell the doctor?

Johnny Tightlips

Tell him to go suck a lemon.

Clip 11

S12 E04: "Lisa the Tree Hugger"

The Simpsons have gone to Krusty Burger where Bart is treating them to a slap-up meal. Problem is, there are protestors dressed as farm animals on the roof.

Download Clip 0290-390 to your PC / Mac  

Marge Simpson

Oh, how cute! Kids, look who's on the roof!

Homer Simpson

I knew this day would come. The cows are taking back what's theirs.

Lisa Simpson

No, I think they're protestors.

[With that, KRUSTY screeches up in his limousine and is followed out of the car by a seemingly endless chain of clowns]

Krusty the Clown

Hey, there are cows on the roof. I thought my pager was busted.

[Addressing his colleagues]

Get back in. It's only funny with a small car.

Clip 12

S12 E04: "Lisa the Tree Hugger"

Trying to save an ancient tree by camping in its branches is pretty typical Lisa Simpson. But did she survive a powerful lightning storm that brought it crashing down?

Download Clip 0290-391 to your PC / Mac  

Kent Brockman

Still unknown is the fate of tree-sitter Lisa Simpson.

Chief Wiggum

I'm afraid it doesn't look good, Kent. We found her sleeping bag right here. Our working theory is that the lightning exploded her. Back to you, Kent.

Kent Brockman

You don't get to say that!

Clip 13

S12 E05: "Homer vs. Dignity"

Teachers are human. Well, some of them. Even Principal Skinner and Edna Crabapple have needs. I just wish their needs were for something other than each other!

Download Clip 0290-392 to your PC / Mac  

Bart Simpson

I was trying to breed the hamster with the lizard... to create an unholy supercreature when I saw an even worse crime against nature.

[PRINCIPAL SKINNER and EDNA CRABAPPLE come into the classroom, all over each other]

Principal Skinner

Ah, head lice inspection day. While the kids are out getting their nits picked, we can have our own private "cootie call."

Edna Crabapple

Oh, you talk too much. Let's do it on Martin's desk.

Principal Skinner

It is usually the cleanest.

Clip 14

S12 E05: "Homer vs. Dignity"

We've all suffered the indignity of a declined card payment. But I've never had the card reader call me a "deadbeat" in a monotonous, digitised voice.

Download Clip 0290-393 to your PC / Mac  

Waiter

Excuse me, sir. Your credit card has been rejected.

Card Reader

Deadbeat! Deadbeat! Deadbeat!

Homer Simpson

Oh, how embarrassing!

Clip 15

S12 E05: "Homer vs. Dignity"

Lisa looks down on the journey home to find that she's standing on the rear axle of the family car. The back seat and floorpan are missing. Hmm...

Download Clip 0290-394 to your PC / Mac  

Lisa Simpson

Dad, what happened to the back seat?

Homer Simpson

I had to sell it for gas money.

[The engine dies, the fuel gauge showing empty]

Which I spent on a novelty horn.

[HOMER headbutts the steering wheel and a novelty horn sounds]

Clip 16

S12 E06: "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes"

Homer needs a computer. But he knows nothing about computers. Which is lucky for this salesman who can now retire on his commission!

Download Clip 0290-395 to your PC / Mac  

Homer Simpson

This is the best computer in the world and always will be, right?

Computer Salesman

Absolutely. Just run the deed to your house through here.

[HOMER runs the deed of 742 Evergreen Terrance through a scanner]

Scanner

You are on your... fifth... mortgage.

Clip 17

S12 E06: "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes"

Chief Wiggum may be dumb but he's fully embraced the internet in designing the website for Springfield Police. This is a game-changer. His clear-up rate is going to soar!

Download Clip 0290-396 to your PC / Mac  

Chief Wiggum

If you've committed a crime and want to confess, press YES. Otherwise, press NO.

Homer Simpson

[Presses NO]

Chief Wiggum

You have chosen no, meaning you've committed a crime but don't want to confess. A paddy wagon is now speeding to your home.

Homer Simpson

HEY!

Chief Wiggum

While you wait, why not buy a police cap or t-shirt? You have the right to remain... fabulous!

Clip 18

S12 E06: "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes"

Homer has been replaced with his doppelgänger. But his doppelgänger is very clearly German.

Download Clip 0290-397 to your PC / Mac  

Doppelgänger Homer

Marge, honey, fraülein, I'm home!

Marge Simpson

You're not my husband.

Doppelgänger Homer

Ja. Please forgive my unexplained two-week absence. To make it up to you, we will go out to dinner at a sensibly priced restaurant then have a night of efficient German sex.

Marge Simpson

Well, I sure don't feel like cooking.

Clip 19

S12 E07: "The Great Money Caper"

Homer and Bart have started working as confidence tricksters, scammers, fraudsters. Call them what you will but their first scheme can't possibly fail.

Download Clip 0290-398 to your PC / Mac  

Marge Simpson

What are you doing? Why are you frosting that old throw pillow?

Homer Simpson

I could ask you the very same question.

Marge Simpson

Uh, should I just back out of the room?

Homer Simpson

Would you?

[MARGE backs out of the room]

Clip 20

S12 E07: "The Great Money Caper"

You have to get up pretty early in the morning to get one over on ol' Abe Simpson. He's the original trickster and he always has a trick up his tweed sleeve.

Download Clip 0290-399 to your PC / Mac  

Abraham Simpson

Call me "Mint Jelly", 'cause I'm on the lam! Ahh! Ah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Clip 21

S12 E08: "Skinner's Sense of Snow"

Given the choice of Principal Skinner's choice of Christmas DVD or being trapped without hope of rescue in their school, I think the kids would prefer the latter to be honest.

Download Clip 0290-400 to your PC / Mac  

Principal Skinner

Oh, dear God!

Lisa Simpson

Principal Skinner! We're snowed in!

Nelson Muntz

We're trapped in the school!

[The children scream]

Milhouse Van Houten

We're gonna miss Christmas!

[The children scream]

Principal Skinner

I fixed the DVD!

[The children scream hysterically]

Clip 22

S12 E08: "Skinner's Sense of Snow"

Oh dear. Having the name "Willie" has its drawbacks. And even THAT sounds wrong. Why don't people stick to William? That would be much better.

Download Clip 0290-401 to your PC / Mac  

Groundskeeper Willie

Okay, Skinner. That's the last time you'll slap your Willie around. I quit!

Clip 23

S12 E08: "Skinner's Sense of Snow"

The kids have got organised. They've mounted a proper manhunt for Principal Skinner, have acquired radios and assigned themselves call-signs!

Download Clip 0290-402 to your PC / Mac  

Nelson Muntz

Falcon to Eagle. Have located bag of crap.

Principal Skinner

If you get me out of this, there's a hall monitor position coming open in the spring.

Nelson Muntz

I spit on your monitors!

Principal Skinner

I know. That's why the position's available.

Clip 24

S12 E08: "Skinner's Sense of Snow"

For the record, Principal Skinner has been tied up inside a sack designed for the storage and carrying of sports balls. He's not asking a hamster to chew through his scrotum.

Download Clip 0290-403 to your PC / Mac  

Principal Skinner

You did it, Nibbles! Now, chew through my ball sack.

Clip 25

S12 E09: "HOMR"

I love the way Fox are self-deprecating when it comes to the Simpsons. So many jokes poke fun at the very company which produces and broadcasts the show. It's refreshing and very "un-woke."

Download Clip 0290-404 to your PC / Mac  

Automated Voice

For automated stock prices, please state the company name.

Homer Simpson

Animotion.

Automated Voice

Animotion. Up one and one half.

Homer Simpson

Yahooooo!

Automated Voice

Yahoo! Up six and a quarter.

Homer Simpson

Huh? What is this crap?

Automated Voice

Fox Broadcasting. Down eight.

Clip 26

S12 E09: "HOMR"

Ever wondered why Homer was so irretrievably dumb? Well, here's your answer. Since childhood, he's had a crayon lodged in his brain.

Download Clip 0290-405 to your PC / Mac  

Doctor

Mr. Simpson, I'm afraid you have a crayon lodged in your brain.

Homer Simpson

There's a crayon in my brain? But I've had thousands of head X-rays. How come no one ever noticed it before?

Doctor Hibbert

Oh, I can answer that. You see, whenever I pick up an X-ray, I always hold it like this. My thumb must have covered up the crayon every time. I'll show myself out.

Clip 27

S12 E09: "HOMR"

"Assphincter says what?" We've all played this game. Try to get the boss to say what? and declare themselves an ass sphincter. Right, guys? Guys? So it's just me, then.

Download Clip 0290-406 to your PC / Mac  

Nelson Muntz

Question!

Homer Simpson

Yes, Nelson.

Nelson Muntz

A moron says what?

Homer Simpson

Not being a moron, I wouldn't know. However... [Begins to mumble unintelligbly]

Nelson Muntz

What?

Homer Simpson

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your moron.

Crowd

[Laugh]

Clip 28

S12 E09: "HOMR"

The church have started to come around to the idea of same-sex marriage. But will they ever allow and sanction a non-monogamous marriage? Probably not, no!

Download Clip 0290-407 to your PC / Mac  

Priest

Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Groom 1 & Groom 2

I do.

Priest

One groom... two grooms? But he... but you can't... oh, my medication!

Clip 29

S12 E10: "Pokey Mom"

Jack Crowley has just been thrown through the side of a rodeo ring by Tornado, the bull. Marge is horrified. Homer is non-plussed. The clowns are still putting on their make-up.

Download Clip 0290-408 to your PC / Mac  

Marge Simpson

Somebody help him!

Homer Simpson

Relax, they got rodeo clowns.

Clown #1

Is my lipstick even?

Clown #2

Go like this.

[Begins noisily smacking his lips]

Clip 30

S12 E10: "Pokey Mom"

I'm not commenting on this clip. At all. What Sinbad chose or chooses to do in relation to his life, his wife, his children and his career are entirely his decisions to make.

Download Clip 0290-409 to your PC / Mac  

Doctor Hibbert

[Whistles incredulously]

Your spine is more twisted than Sinbad's take on marriage.

[Laughs]

Clip 31

S12 E11: "Worst Episode Ever"

A silencer (more accurately a "suppressor") does not silence a weapon and it certainly doesn't suppress the sound as much as Hollywood would have us believe.

Download Clip 0290-410 to your PC / Mac  

Bart Simpson

Mmm, good pancakes, Mom.

Marge Simpson

Well, thank you, honey. They come in a squeeze bottle now.

[MARGE squeezes the bottle which makes an unfortunate farting noise]

Whoo! I better put on the silencer.

[MARGE screws on a threaded suppressor and the subsequent three shots of pancake batter sound much like Hollywood would have us believe a suppressed weapon actually sounds like]

Clip 32

S12 E11: "Worst Episode Ever"

When the Comic Book Guy suffers an inevitable and entirely predictable myocardial infarction, even his suffering is vaguely pathetic and amusing.

Download Clip 0290-411 to your PC / Mac  

Comic Book Guy

Ah! Ooh! Breath... short. Left arm... numb. Can't go on describing symptoms much... longer.

Clip 33

S12 E11: "Worst Episode Ever"

Prognosis is the likely course of treatment, and diagnosis is the art of deducing what ails a patient. And a being a doctor, you'd think that Julius Michael Hibbert would know the difference!

Download Clip 0290-412 to your PC / Mac  

Doctor Hibbert

My prognosis... or is it diagnosis? Whichever. You need to avoid stress. Now what kind of work do you do?

Comic Book Guy

I run a comic book store.

Doctor Hibbert

Oh, dear Lord! We call that profession "the widow-maker!" Or we would, if any of the proprietors were married.

Clip 34

S12 E11: "Worst Episode Ever"

This Android's Dungeon has an adult section. Is that a thing? Are there adult comics and would they be sold in a comic book store? I have so many questions!

Download Clip 0290-413 to your PC / Mac  

Bart Simpson

Uh-uh. You've got to be forty inches tall for the adult section.

Ralph Wiggum

Pleeeeease.

Bart Simpson

Okay. But get on your tippy-toes.

[RALPH walks into the adult section]

Ralph Wiggum

Everybody's hugging!

Clip 35

S12 E11: "Worst Episode Ever"

You can't help who you fall in love with. That's what they say, right? Hmm. But the age gap alone should have made this impossible. I feel... a little bit sick!

Download Clip 0290-414 to your PC / Mac  

Agnes Skinner

Out of the way, Tubby!

Comic Book Guy

Well, pardon me, Oldie Hawn.

Agnes Skinner

Why, you ill-mannered sack of crap!

Comic Book Guy

Oh, goody. Now I know whatever happened to Baby Jane.

Agnes Skinner

You are the rudest man who ever... bought me dinner.

Comic Book Guy

Correction. I do not believe I have ever bought you... oh!

Clip 36

S12 E11: "Worst Episode Ever"

When Bart and Milhouse stumble upon the Comic Book Guy's arsenal of bootlegged VHS tapes, they uncover one of epic political proportions.

Download Clip 0290-415 to your PC / Mac  

Colonel

If you are watching this tape, you are the President of the United States. Hello, sir, or ma'am. Hopefully sir. The town of Springfield has been classified "N.W.B.," or "Nuclear Whipping Boy." In the first moments of a nuclear war, Springfield will be bombed at will by all friendly nations to calibrate their missiles. Now for total security, I will terminate the cameraman.

Clip 37

S12 E11: "Worst Episode Ever"

Comic Book Guy has been caught "in flagrante delicto" with Agnes Skinner. And worse than that, his "dangly bits" are on show to the arresting officers.

Download Clip 0290-416 to your PC / Mac  

Chief Wiggum

Comic Book Guy, you're under arrest for the possession of illegal videos. But we'll reduce the sentence if you put your pants on. Fast! God!

Clip 38

S12 E12: "Tennis the Menace"

Abe isn't much of a crooner. When he tries to recreate Tom Jones' iconic pelvic gyrations, his back starts to crumble which really changes the cadence of the song.

Download Clip 0290-417 to your PC / Mac  

Abraham Simpson


What's new, pu**ycat?
Ow-oh-ow-oh-ow-ow!
What's new pu**ycat?
Oh-God-nooooooo!

Clip 39

S12 E12: "Tennis the Menace"

Bart & Lisa are playing Tennis. You know what tennis is, don't you? Of course you do. Well, perhaps you wouldn't mind explaining it to Homer, then. Thanks.

Download Clip 0290-418 to your PC / Mac  

Homer Simpson

Hey! What on earth are you doing?

Lisa Simpson

Practicing tennis.

Homer Simpson

That's tennis? Well, then... what's the one where the chicks whale on each other?

Bart Simpson

Foxy boxing?

Homer Simpson

YES! That's what I wanted. Oh!

Clip 40

S12 E13: "Day of the Jackanapes"

Poor Krusty. He's being restrained by corporate goons who are only interested in preventing their station from being sued. And he's had enough. ENOUGH, I tell ya! He's makin' a stand right here!

Download Clip 0290-419 to your PC / Mac  

Producer #1

We're losing male teens. Can you get jiggy with something?

Krusty the Clown

You're giving me notes while I'm on the air? That tears it! Folks, I've been in showbiz for sixty-one years. But now these jerks have sucked all the fun out. I don't need twelve suits telling me which way to pee.

Producer #2

For "pee," could you substitute "whiz"?

Producer #1

I don't know. That could upset the Cheez Whiz people.

Producer #2

I was just thinking that.

Clip 41

S12 E13: "Day of the Jackanapes"

Sideshow Bob has, yet again, been released from jail and is walking towards Springfield. It's down to Chief Wiggum to read him his fortune.

Download Clip 0290-420 to your PC / Mac  

Chief Wiggum

Now don't try anything funny this time, Bob. I'm gonna be on you like red beans on... hey, hey, hey, don't walk so fast. Hey, no fair. You got long legs. I got these little bitty hooves. Bob!

Clip 42

S12 E14: "New Kids on the Blecch"

Party Posse. It's s boy band like any other. Saccharine and talentless. All auto-tune and looks. Well, I say that but it consists of Bart, Milhouse, Nelson and Ralph!

Download Clip 0290-421 to your PC / Mac  

Choreographer

Sneer, sneer! Two, three, four, and thrust, and grab... yourself... right there. Now let's go and flirt. You call that a flirt? I'm not melting!

Clip 43

S12 E15: "Hungry, Hungry Homer"

Blockoland. It's a little like Legoland™ but not as good. Or fun. Or well known. And are Bart and Lisa excited about going to Blockolnd? Meh.

Download Clip 0290-422 to your PC / Mac  

V/O

Are you sick of ordinary-shaped amusement parks?

TV Kid #1

Am I ever!

V/O

Then be the first family on your block to visit Blockoland... the amusement park made entirely of Blocko brand assembly fun blocks. So, how much did you love Blockoland?

TV Kid #2

It was all right, I guess.

Homer Simpson

Kids, how would you... like to go to... Blockoland?

Bart / Lisa

Meh.

Homer Simpson

But the TV gave me the impression that -

Lisa Simpson

We said, "Meh." M-E-H. "Meh."

Clip 44

S12 E15: "Hungry, Hungry Homer"

My favourite Duffman moment of all time. Perfect for a message tone. Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!

Download Clip 0290-423 to your PC / Mac  Download this clip in Apple M4R (ringtone) format

Duffman

Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!

Clip 45

S12 E16: "Bye Bye Nerdie"

Marriage. It takes a spark to ignite it and a pilot light to keep it going. It doesn't have to be grand gestures... just the ability to talk and laugh together is enough to keep love alive.

Download Clip 0290-424 to your PC / Mac  

Homer Simpson

Kids gone?

Marge Simpson

Yep. It's great to have some time just to ourselves, huh?

Homer Simpson

You read my mind. So... this coffee's good, huh?

Marge Simpson

Yeah. The, uh.. the milk really takes the edge off.

Homer Simpson

You know, I think our marriage is -

 l

[The doorbell rings and MARGE and HOMER both leap up and race to answer the door]

Marge Simpson

I got it!

Homer Simpson

I got it!

Marge Simpson

No, I got it!

Homer Simpson

No, I do!

Clip 46

S12 E16: "Bye Bye Nerdie"

When a cold caller tries to charge you for "babyproofing" your home, you're best off showing them the door. But don't kick them through it like Homer did.

Download Clip 0290-425 to your PC / Mac  

Saleswoman

Okay. With the window bars, toilet latches, dingo alarm and grapefruit squirt shield, your total cost would be... wow! I'm rich!

Homer Simpson

Three dollars? That doesn't seem so bad.

Saleswoman

That's the price of the clipboard. Here's your estimate.

Homer Simpson

Mm-hmm. Hmm.

[We see the SALESWOMAN flying out of 742 Evergreen Terrace under the propulsion of HOMER'S boot]

Clip 47

S12 E16: "Bye Bye Nerdie"

Francine. She's angry. Perhaps it's because she resembles Little Orphan Annie on steroids? Who knows. All I know is that she needs to learn to keep her hands to herself.

Download Clip 0290-426 to your PC / Mac  

Lisa Simpson

Hi there. My name's Lisa. What's yours?

[FRANCINE punches LISA in the face]

Clip 48

S12 E16: "Bye Bye Nerdie"

Men Without Hats. An 80s staple. But why without hats? Was there a band called Men Wearing Hats? And their song, Safety Dance. Any idea what that was all about?

Download Clip 0290-427 to your PC / Mac  Download this clip in Apple M4R (ringtone) format

Homer Simpson

SAFETY DANCE!
You can dance,
you can dance,
everybody look at your pants.

Clip 49

S12 E17: "Simpson Safari"

Homer's always sparking riots or strikes. Sometimes both. And this time it's his shoddy treatment of bag boys that leads to industrial action on a Springfield-wide scale.

Download Clip 0290-428 to your PC / Mac  

Kent Brockman

Pledging to honour the bag boys' strike are the Brotherhood of Fruit Packers and Unpackers, the Shelf-Dusters' Union, and the Unattractive Waitresses of America.

Unattractive Waitress

Kiss my grits!

Kent Brockman

Indeed.

Clip 50

S12 E17: "Simpson Safari"

Homer has found an ancient Animal Crackers box in the attic. And inside was a golden giraffe. Which means he's won a competition from thirty years previously.

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Homer Simpson

And on my free African safari, I wanna do everything on this box. I want to shoot a lion in the face, fight Muhammad Ali, and ride in a convertible with two happy zebras.

Clip 51

S12 E17: "Simpson Safari"

Africa. Home to vast planes, beautiful sunsets, beautiful animals, powerful predators... it's not the sort of place I imagined the Simpson family wanting to go, really.

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Kitenge

Hello. Hello, Simpsons. Welcome to Africa. I am your guide, Kitenge.

Homer Simpson

Hey, how ya doin'?

Lisa Simpson

Hi.

Marge Simpson

Hello.

Lisa Simpson

Isn't that cute? A bush baby.

Kitenge

Where?

[KITENGE seems to suddenly realise that a Bush Baby is perched on his left shoulder]

Aaah! Shoo! Shoo! Oh, man. I just bought this shirt.

Clip 52

S12 E20: "Children of a Lesser Clod"

Oh dear, Bart. What is it with you and volunteering for useless classes? When will you ever learn?!

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Boy in Hallway

Yo, boy, this class is tight. You go from "sloppa" to "proppa."

Bart Simpson

Cool!

Teacher

Welcome to my etiquette class: The Proper Young Man.

Bart Simpson

But the black man said -

Teacher

- Are you accusing my husband of misleading you? Good gracious! I should bust a cap in your ass!

Clip 53

S12 E20: "Children of a Lesser Clod"

Do hospitals run loyalty schemes like this? Well, perhaps they should. And maybe in the not-too-distant future, thanks to the tories, this is the kind of bullsh*t we'll have to tolerate in the UK.

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Lisa Simpson

So many times we've seen our father go under the knife.

Marge Simpson

One more and I get a free hysterectomy.

Clip 54

S12 E20: "Children of a Lesser Clod"

Medical bills aren't cheap. But if you're the kind of moron who bills extras, too... what do you expect? I mean haircuts and pornos? Really, homer? REALLY?!

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Doctor Hibbert

Oh, you're also responsible for this hefty hospital bill. You shouldn't have ordered all those hospital haircuts and porno films.

Homer Simpson

But Doctor Screwlittle sounded like a delightful romp.

Clip 55

S12 E20: "Children of a Lesser Clod"

Homer has set up his own day care centre. He's used Marge's name (for legal reasons) but he's solely responsible for corrupting the children in his care.

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Homer Simpson

If you're happy and you know it, say a swear.

Nelson Muntz

Boobs!

Milhouse Van Houten

Heinie!

Ralph Wiggum

Mitten!

Clip 56

S12 E21: "Simpsons Tall Tales"

Delaware. DELAWARE. I mean, what kind of competition would send the lucky winner to DELAWARE?

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Marge Simpson

I can't believe it! We won another contest.

Homer Simpson

The Simpsons are going to Delaware!

Lisa Simpson

I wanna see Wilmington!

Bart Simpson

I wanna visit a screen door factory.

Marge Simpson

Yep. Delaware's got it all.

Clip 57

S12 E21: "Simpsons Tall Tales"

Hunting. It's not for everyone. It's certainly not for Lisa. Watching her buffoon of a father shoot buffalo. And the first kill was entirely accidental. Someone take that rifle off him!

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Homer

Cleaning my gun with the safety off,
safety off,
safety off.
Cleaning my gun with the -

[HOMER'S rifle discharges, hitting a passing buffalo]

Whoopsie.

Lisa Simpson

Dad, you just killed a poor defenseless buffalo.

Homer Simpson

A poor, delicious buffalo. He'll be dinner for the whole wagon train.

[HOMER takes aim and shoots a second buffalo]

Lisa Simpson

Why'd you kill another one?

Homer Simpson

Dessert.

Clip 58

S12 E21: "Simpsons Tall Tales"

In Victorian times, it was deemed almost pornographic for a woman to show her ankle (or any part of it) so when the attendant says, "privates", we're not talking her "growler."

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Log Flume Attendant

Mr. Silas, this young lady's flashing her privates.

Mr. Silas

Oh! Well, I'll dispose of this! All for Silas. All for Silas.