15 MP3 Audio clips from Formula 51 (2001)

PLAY ALL 15 CLIPS

Clip 1

The Lizard has been blown up. He's alive and he's both incredulous and incandescent with rage. Which is understandable, given the circumstances.

The Lizard

He fu*ked me! I'm truly ass-invaded.

Clip 2

McElroy might be a genius but Felix DeSouza doesn't appreciate their pet chemist ramming this fact down his throat. Not one little bit.

Lawrence

Now, when Mr. McElroy joins us, I'd be pleased if you kept your opinions to yourself. This particular Yank is not a travelling salesman. He's a genius.

Felix DeSouza

Who is this c*nt?

Clip 3

Being a gangster is one thing but it's not Felix DeSouza's first love. No. He loves Liverpool Football Club. Give him tickets to an LFC game and he's like putty in your hand.

Felix DeSouza

You see that? Manchester United versus Liverpool. And that's tomorrow. Blokes are shagging their fu*king mothers-in-law to get a ticket for that and I'm getting two from Mr. Durant.

[He grabs LAWRENCE by the testicles]

So unless you can sh*te out a couple of tickets on the spot, I suggest you shut the fu*k up!

Clip 4

You have to be careful when instructing a gangster. "Take care of him" has two meanings. One is much more unpleasant than the other. Mix them up, and you're in a world of pain.

Elmo McElroy

Where's the chemist?

Felix DeSouza

[To FREDERICK]

Where's Lawrence?

Elmo McElroy

You heard the man. Where's Lawrence? Put these in the trunk...

[He thrusts his golf bag into FELIX'S arms]

... get Durant on the phone.

Felix DeSouza

[To FREDERICK]

Put these fu*king sticks in the boot.

[FREDERICK opens the boot of the car to reveal LAWRENCE, clearly dead, inside]

AHHH! What's that?

Frederick

It's Lawrence.

Felix DeSouza

I can see it's fu*king Lawrence. What happened?

Frederick

You told me to take care of him.

Felix DeSouza

Oh, sh*t! I meant to take care of him, not fu*king... take care of him.

Clip 5

Let's set the record straight. The British do NOT hate Americans. Not all of us refer to Americans as "Yanks" and there's nothing wrong with our cuisine. There. Record straightened!

Felix DeSouza

What's the plan, then? Freshen up, massage... maybe you fancy a bucket of fried fu*king chicken?

Elmo McElroy

Look, if I'd wanted cuisine, I'd have gone to Paris, all right?

Felix DeSouza

You can still go to France, mate. It's not too fu*king far, it's full of pr**ks and they hate fu*king Yanks as well. Do you fancy a bite, or what?

Elmo McElroy

Yeah, all right.

Clip 6

I'm sorry, "...gets his ass waxed every month"? Like... a back, crack and sac? A gangster? Why would a gangster want or need to worry about his hairy ass? The world's gone mad. Totally mad.

Dakota Parker

Does Durant still do his deals at the Port Hotel?

Iki

Silly lad. You know, that'll be his undoing one of these days but what do you expect from a fella who gets his ass waxed every month?

Clip 7

Felix has taken a round in the ass. He's not happy. And what makes it worse is that the sniper who pulled the trigger just happens to be his ex-girlfriend.

[DAKOTA PARKER shoots FELIX DESOUZA in the ass with a round from her sniper rifle]

Felix DeSouza

OW! SH*T!

Dakota Parker

[To herself]

Told you to get out of the way, Felix.

Felix DeSouza

FU*K! I've been shot.

Elmo McElroy

Where?

Felix DeSouza

In the fu*king ass.

Elmo McElroy

Oh, man... it's just a flesh wound. Come on.

Felix DeSouza

Flesh wound. Is that supposed to sound like a fu*king good thing?

Clip 8

"The Dog's Bollocks" is a good thing. Just plain "Bollocks" is the opposite. But, unsurprisingly, Elmo is struggling to comprehend these British colloquialisms!

Felix DeSouza

Oh, bollocks!

Elmo McElroy

The dog's bollocks?

Felix DeSouza

No. Just plain fu*king bollocks.

Elmo McElroy

No dog involved?

Felix DeSouza

No. WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT! JESUS!

Clip 9

The Port Hotel is a bloodbath. Bodies everywhere. Only one person survived. Virgil wants an update. An overview. Arthur puts it quite succinctly.

Detective Virgil Kane

Arthur.

Arthur

Yep?

Detective Virgil Kane

I want you to describe the situation to me.

Arthur

Seven shades of sh*t in a one-sh*t trumpet, sir.

Clip 10

Shirley DeSouza. Felix's mother. And she's not overly pleased to find Dakota Parker gazing at her through her own kitchen window.

Shirley DeSouza

Well, sh*t in a bag and punch it. She's back.

Clip 11

Elmo needs to knock up a batch of POS-51. Which means a quick visit to the local pharmacy to get the required ingredients. Felix is clucking. He needs a cigarette.

Elmo McElroy

I need everything on this list.

Felix DeSouza

Look, I'm dying for a smoke. You haven't any ciggies, have you?

Pharmacist

Sorry. Cigarettes are bad for your health.

Felix DeSouza

Yeah, well so's a fu*king punch in the throat, mate. I need fu*king nicotine... now.

Clip 12

Detective Virgil Kane is an a**hole. Corrupt, violent, abusive, racist and even prejudiced against people with a low centre of gravity. If you catch my drift.

Detective Virgil Kane

Oh, aren't you the clever little chunky monkey?

Arthur

You keep banging on about my weight -

Detective Virgil Kane

Arthur -

Arthur

- now you are crossing the line.

Detective Virgil Kane

Arthur. It was a joke. It was a joke. Smile. Smile. You fat c*nt.

Clip 13

Hmm. Not exactly a wholesome family life for young Iki, huh? I mean anyone growing up witnessing domestic violence and incest... well, they're going to be messed up for life, right? Yeah.

Iki

See, I always knew I'd be a drug dealer even when I was a kid. I saw my dad hit my mother, my mother hit my brother, my brother hit my sister and my sister... fu*k my father, so I suppose it's inevitable, really. I mean you'd have to be on drugs just to live in that madhouse.

Clip 14

As warnings go, this is pretty clear. Unless Felix wants to end up with an a**hole like a clown's pocket, he'd best do what Virgil Kane says.

Detective Virgil Kane

You fu*k me... I'm gonna have you on your hands and your knees, with your ass in the air, exposing your rusty sheriff's badge for the next twenty years.

Clip 15

Vengeance is a dish best served cold. Isn't that what they say? And after years of bullying at the hands of Virgil Kane, Arthur has his day. Oh yes. The boot's on the other foot now.

Arthur

Right lads. Get the cuffs on this c*ckney twat!