9 MP3 Audio clips from The Waterboy (1998)

PLAY ALL 9 CLIPS

Clip 1

Coach Klein (Henry Winkler) is keen to sign Bobby for the Mud Dogs but he has to get the idea past Bobby's mother first. Which means a meal at their hut in the bayou. And what's on the menu? Jesus...

Coach Klein

Mmmm, that snake looks delicious. What part do you think I'm about to eat?

Mama Boucher

Uh... basically a snake don't have parts but, um... if I had to call it anything, uhhh... I would say it's his knee.

Coach Klein

Great! His knee. And, uh... what are we having for dessert?

[There's a horrifying noise from the porch as a small creature is electrocuted by a bug zapper]

Mama Boucher

Squirrel.

[There's a sickening thud as the squirrel falls to the deck of the porch]

Clip 2

Bobby gets angry by imagining opposing players are those who've been mean to him. They literally morph before his eyes. Which is not good news for this Quarterback. Not good news at all!

Quarterback

Blue 52!

Team

[Echoing the QUARTERBACK'S call]

Blue 52...

Quarterback

Hut!

[The QUARTERBACK morphs into MAMA BOUCHER]

I forbid you to talk to that enchantress. She's the devil!

Bobby

She's not the devil. She's the most beautiful woman in the world.

Quarterback

[Aware that he is the focus of BOBBY'S aggression]

I never said she was the devil.

Bobby

SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD!

Quarterback

Oh... please don't hurt me! HUT!

[Immediately following the snap, the Quarterback is hunted down and taken down by BOBBY]

Clip 3

Bobby Boucher is at a party to celebrate the Mud Dogs' first win in a very long time. He's quite the hit with the guys. And with the ladies. And, sometimes, both at the same time.

Girl 1

Let's talk to the Waterboy.

[They approach BOBBY]

Girl 1

You played amazing at the game today, Bobby.

Girl 2

And you are so cute. Is there a girl you're seeing?

Bobby

Seein'? I... I... I see a lot of girls. I see a lot of guys, too.

Girl 2

I think that's sexy. You ever been with a guy and a girl at the same time?

Bobby

[Completely missing the sexual reference]

Oh, yeah. Plenty of times. The other night I was with my momma and Coach Klein at the same time.

Clip 4

Lawrence Taylor ("L.T.") played exclusively for the New York Giants and, when he retired, he started coaching for the Louisiana Lightning Football Camp. Well, the first part is true anyway!

L.T.

Gentlemen, we have a very special guest here today. Let's have a warm, L.T. welcome for Bobby Boucher. Come on, Bobby.

[The crowd of youngsters applaud and cheer]

Bobby

Thank you, Mister Lawrence Taylor.

L.T.

Tell me... what is your secret? How do you find yourself in the right position all the time?

Bobby

That... that... that's a good question. Wh-wh-what happens is, the... the... the Center has the ball first and... and... and, uh... the Quarterback will say "Hike!" That's when the Sender puts the ball into the... the hands of the Quarterback. So, wh-what I do is I start tackling the Quarterback un-unless he give the ball to somebody else in which case I try... I try to tackle that person.

L.T.

Hmm. Gentlemen, which brings me to my next point. DON'T... SMOKE... CRACK!

Clip 5

It's half-time and the ESPN commentators are busy analysing previous plays. But this particular replay is going to be hard to watch.

Commentator 1

Let's take a look at the way Boucher entered the Hawkeyes' last drive. Here we see Boucher instantly penetrating the pocket...

[The replay shows BOBBY is slow-motion moving in for a body-block]

Commentator 2

There's a lot of pain and shame in those eyes.

Commentator 1

Brent... it's all over.

[With a sickening thud, BOBBY smashes into the opposing offense player]

Player

MY LEG!

Commentator 2

Wow! THAT... is a disturbing image.

Commentator 1

Difficult to watch, Chris. Phew!

Clip 6

The key to turning Bobby Boucher into an animal on the football field is to make him angry. Rile him up. And insulting his beloved water will get his pilot lit every time.

Coach Klein

Bobby? Water sucks. Gatorade is better.

Bobby

What?

Coach Klein

Use it on the field!

[The opposition Quarterback morphs into Coach Klein]

Quarterback

Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better, too, idiot!

Bobby

You're... you're drinking the wrong water.

Quarterback

Gatorade...

Bobby

H²O!

Quarterback

Gatorade...

Bobby

H²O!

[That idea implanted into BOBBY'S brain, the entire opposing offense morph into COACH KLEIN, delivering a musical number]

Offense

♪ Water sucks... it really, really sucks. WATER sucks! It really, really SUUUUCCKKS! SUCKS! SUCKS! ♪

[The snap meets with the kind of violent tackle we've come to expect from Bobby]

Clip 7

When the Cougars meet the Mud Dogs at a barbecue, things get heated. Greg is a big guy but he's no match for Vicki Vallencourt and her trusty switch-blade.

Greg

Hey, Waterboy. You fixin' to tackle all of us?!

Greg's Girlfriend

Kick his water-lovin' ass, Greg.

Greg

I asked you a question, dumb-ass!

Vicki Vallencourt

[Sneaking up on GREG from behind and putting a switch-blade to his throat]

You even exhale and I will saw... your head off.

Townie

YOU CAN DO IT! CUT HIS FU*KING HEAD OFF!

Clip 8

Bobby is having an existential crisis. Because he has good reason for believing that everybody hates him.

Bobby

Everybody... hates me.

Coach Klein

That's not true.

Bobby

One man said he wanted to decapitate me and nobody else thought that to be too bad of an idea!

Clip 9

It's time Mama Boucher learned the truth about her precious Bobby. From him. He goes to college, he plays football. And he likes Vicki Vallencourt's breasts.

Bobby

EVERYTHING IS THE DEVIL TO YOU, MAMA! WELL, I LIKE SCHOOL. AND I LIKE FOOTBALL. AND I'M GONNA KEEP DOIN' THEM BOTH BECAUSE THEY MAKE ME FEEL GOOD. AND BY THE WAY, MAMA... ALIGATORS ARE ORNERY BECAUSE OF THEIR MEDULLA OBLONGATA!

[He storms out of the hut, slamming the door and then returns seconds later]

AND I LIKE VICKI AND SHE LIKES ME BACK! AND SHE SHOWED ME HER BOOBIES AND I LIKED THEM, TOO!