Mr. D | Season 4
© 2012 Canadian Broadcasting Corporation
Gerry Duncan. He's a teacher. He likes to think he's cool. He's not. And even though he wants his students to think of him as one of their own and call him Mr. D, he's still a giant douchebag. Can he be a successful teacher and win over the toughest crowd in the world? Probably not, to be honest.
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S04 E02: "Staff Hangover"
Gerry Duncan has a black eye and he's heavily hungover. So he really can't handle teaching a bunch of fifth graders. Which is why his idea is such genius. A game where everybody sits in silence.
All right, we're not going to do work today. We are going to... play a little game called Heads up, seven up.
[The class react excitedly but the noise is too much for GERRY]
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! So, shut your eyes, put your heads on your desk and let's play.
Sir... aren't you supposed to pick seven people?
Yeah, we're not doing that part today, okay?
S04 E03: "President Jimmy"
Natalie is running for Student Council President. Gerry Duncan is liaison for this process. Which explains why she ambushes him as he comes out of the restroom.
Natalie, you can't hang outside of the staff washroom like that, okay?
Okay. Sorry, Mister Duncan.
How would you like it if I hung outside the girl's washroom all day? And waited for you?
[Realises how sinister that sounded]
I'll never do that.
S04 E03: "President Jimmy"
Some people didn't think Robert Cheeley had it in him. That he couldn't quash an insurgency. That he was an idiot. Well, turns out that all three of those things are true!
Well, suffice to say, the Alomar insurgency has been quashed. They said I couldn't do it. They said I didn't have it in me. Some of them even said I was an idiot.
[Shouting from the next office]
You are an idiot, Robert!
S04 E04: "Callaghan's Daughter"
Jimmy's little sister is quick to point out that her brother is an idiot and that she's nothing like him. Gerry Duncan isn't so sure. He doesn't trust either of them.
Oh! Look who's decided to join us today.
Sorry I was late, Sir. I was at the doctor's.
Oh, the doctor excuse. I've heard it many times from your brother, Jimmy.
I'm not like my brother. My brother's an idiot.
HA! Yes, he is an idiot.
Here. I have a note from my mom.
[TAMMY hands GERRY the note and he takes it from her]
Oh. You have a note from your mom, do you? Are you forgetting I taught Jimmy for three years now? I know what your mom's signature looks like. And your mom puts a penis where the i is...
[Several students start to giggle as Gerry slowly realises his mistake]
...so this is not from your...
Would you like me to get out, Sir?
Yes. Tammy... get out!
S04 E05: "Dating Maya Student"
Trying to prove that he's gangsta to a new kid from an underprivileged neighbourhood (actually an undercover police officer) has had a catastrophically cringey effect on Robert.
Dang right, biatch! Why don't you back your badonkadonk up out my office, right... nizzle. Beep, beep, beep!
Do you have a death wish? And do not forget those cupcakes. KnowI'msayin'?
S04 E06: "Short Stocked"
When Lisa finds out that Flo, the Xavier Academy Crossing Guard for twenty-five years is being forced to retire, she does something nice for her. Which kind of backfires. Royally.
Flo is the model of spirit, kindness and dedication. Flo, you've never let us down. And, for that... I would... we would like to present you with this plaque -
[As LISA continues pouring praise over FLO, TRUDY is talking conspiratorially to BOBBI]
When I retire, do not give me a plaque. Give me something I can sell. Or drink.
- twenty-five years of service. You will be missed.
[The staff join in giving FLO a warm round of applause]
Well, this is amazing. I love my job. The sound of children outside. Being in the outside world, I mean that's heaven to me. Probably because I spent so much time in a confined space. You know, I was surprised when I got the job initially. But when you sleep with your Parole Officer, he's willing to pull a few strings. No background checks when you're on your back, huh?!
[TRUDY is the only one who laughs at this joke]
Oh, crap. I swore I wouldn't cry. Damn you, Lisa. If I would have known there was this much kindness out in the world waiting for me, maybe I wouldn't have knifed the shift manager at the diner. What an ass. "Wash your hands, wash your hands..." Well, I got his hands clean, all right. I stuck them in the deep fryer before they pulled me off him. Yeah, how do you like that for clean, jerkoff?!
S04 E08: "Lockdown"
Bobbi Galka can't help herself. She finds Robert Cheeley repugnant but she can't help sleeping with him. Repeatedly. And Trudy is at a loss as to why. As are we all, to be honest.
How does this keep happening?
Please don't judge me. It's just... too good!
But you were free!
Trudy... I've never experienced anything like this.
C'mon, how good can that be?
[BOBBI starts to gag at the very thought of what ROBERT does to her]
I'm gonna just write it down.
Me? I have no gag reflex. Popular, popular girl!
S04 E09: "Gerry's Kid"
You know that old gag where the boss says, "I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off", right? Well, this is similar. A play on words.
Can you do me a favour? Give me a hand with this jacket?
Sure. Jacket on or jacket off?
[When you hear that line aloud, you'll realise how much it sounds like jack it off]
S04 E10: "Teacher Conference"
Is there anything worse than someone having a bawdy conversation on their phone WAY too loudly? Well, for Trudy... no. Nothing at all worse than that. And she won't stand for it. Nuh-uh.
Shut up, Pauly! No, you're crazy! What happened last night after I left? Did you end up banging that girl?
Frank! Do you mind?
WHAT?! She didn't?! She did?! She didn't! She didn't!
HEY! I don't care if she did, or she didn't. But if you don't start using your inside voice, you're gonna be the one who gets banged. And obviously I don't mean in the good way.
S04 E11: "Coaching Prospects"
Robert Cheeley is stuffing fliers for his upcoming stage play into staff pigeonholes. It's his debut as lead, writer, director and stage manager. What a d*ck.
I'll take that...
Cool! I love plays. I didn't know you were an actor.
And a producer.
And a director.
There are a lot of things people don't know about me. Runs in the family. I've... dabbled in thespianity over the years.
Mmm. My mom dabbled in that in college.
S04 E13: "Coach of the Year"
Frank is the new Guidance Counsellor at Xavier. He's good at his job but he really needs to think before he speaks. Because this... this sounds so, so wrong. SO wrong.
Let me see your hands.
Oh, yeah. They're beautiful, dextrous hands. My grandmother was a gypsy. You're gonna write your ticket with these hands. As a... dentist.
I know I'm right about this. Five years from now, you'll be deep in my mouth.
S04 E13: "Coach of the Year"
WTAF? Does nobody at Xavier Academy hear what comes out of their own mouths? I mean, who says this? When the Principal is retiring, suggesting that you fill his gaping hole? OMFG!
Can I just say, quickly... I am... sick about the idea of you leaving. But... the prospect of filling your gaping hole does appeal to me.