Robot Chicken | Season 5
© 2005 Stoopid Buddy Stoodios
Robot Chicken is the brainchild of Seth Green, Matthew Senreich and Mike Fasolo. It principally uses stop-motion animation to create short satirical sketches based either on current affairs or popular media. And it's funny. It's REALLY funny. Like Family Guy, it does not discriminate. It attacks everyone, regardless of religion, colour, gender or belief equally.
UPDATED: | CLIPS: 145
WARNING: ADULT CONTENT!
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Clip 1 S05 E01: "Robot Chicken's DP Christmas Special" |
As anyone who's ever watched He-Man will know, Skeletor always comes off worse. He's never bettered his adversary and almost certainly never will. |
Beastman |
I think we almost won today. Good effort. |
Skeletor |
Aw, shut up, Beastman. He-Man put his heel right in my balls and did a fu*king pirouette. I can still feel them unwinding! |
Clip 2 S05 E02: "Saving Private Gigli" |
How cool would Return of the Jedi have been if the Emperor had done a monologue to Baba O'Riley by The Who? THIS cool. That's how cool. |
The Emperor |
Whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah! Do you ever have one of those moments where you think, "how the hell did I get here?" Jeez, what happened to me? I was ruling the galaxy, had a cherry-new battle station... I mean, this place had an omelette bar. A straight-up omelette bar. And now look. My former intern's tossing me down a bottom-less freakin' pit. |
[Sighs] |
You know, come to think of it... my whole life has been a series of what the fu*k moments. That, uh... that was my out. |
Clip 3 S05 E02: "Saving Private Gigli" |
It must have come as a shock the first time The Emperor saw his ruined face in a mirror. And I reckon that this is probably the way he reacted. |
The Emperor |
Oh my God, I look like... I look like I have a scrotum for a face. What am I supposed to call myself? Darth Syphilis? If you'd made up your mind five seconds earlier, we could have ruled the galaxy and maybe I could have gotten laid one more time before I die. |
Darth Vader |
Uh, I can see you're upset. I'm just gonna go slaughter those younglings. |
The Emperor |
Yeah, whatever. |
Clip 4 S05 E02: "Saving Private Gigli" |
It's common practice in military circles to greet or salute a senior officer when you pass them. But on an endless escalator, that's got to become somewhat tiresome. |
Stormtrooper |
My Lord. |
The Emperor |
Stormtrooper. |
Stormtrooper |
My Lord. |
The Emperor |
Stormtrooper. |
Stormtrooper |
My Lord. |
The Emperor |
Yo. |
Stormtrooper |
My Lord. |
The Emperor |
Mmmm. |
Stormtrooper |
My Lord. |
The Emperor |
[Sighs] |
Stormtrooper. |
Stormtrooper |
My Lord. |
The Emperor |
Stormtrooper. |
Stormtrooper |
My Lord. |
The Emperor |
Yuk. |
Stormtrooper |
My Lord. |
Emperor |
Go fu*k yourself. |
Stormtrooper |
My Lord. |
The Emperor |
Go fu*k yourself. |
Stormtrooper |
My Lord. |
The Emperor |
GO FU*K YOURSELF! |
Stormtrooper |
My Lord. |
The Emperor |
GO FU*K YOURSELF! |
Stormtrooper |
Awwwww. |
Clip 5 S05 E02: "Saving Private Gigli" |
I'd never given this any thought. And why would I? I always assumed that Chewbacca was typical of his species. But, as it turns out, he's been naked this whole time. |
Han Solo |
[Knocking on the door of Chewbacca's family home] |
You know, I've never met another Wookie, Chewie. So it'll be great to finally meet your family. |
[The door opens to reveal a family of WOOKIES dressed in normal street clothes] |
Han Solo |
You mean to tell me you've been naked all these years? |
Clip 6 S05 E03: "Terms of Endaredevil" |
Remember Twiki? The robot who habitually said "Bee-dee-bee-dee-bee-dee"? Well, imagine this scene at the doctor's office. |
Doctor |
I'm sorry, Twiki. You have diabet-ee-bee-dee-bee-tes. |
Clip 7 S05 E04: "Big Trouble in Little Clerks 2" |
If Toy Story were real and Andy returned home from college, I think this is probably what would happen. He'd have discovered a new "toy". |
Woody |
Okay, guys. Andy's almost home from college for Spring Break. |
Sarge |
All right, ladies. Single file, front and centre. Commander in Chief on the premises. |
Soldier |
You mean Obama? |
Sarge |
He's not my President. |
[Andy comes in carrying a girl in his arms and they make their way straight to the bed, kicking Slink out of the way] |
Slink |
TELL MY STORY! |
Woody |
Etch... what's goin' on up there? |
[Etch draws a crude picture of a couple going at it doggy style at which Rex throws up all over the floor] |
Buzz |
You gotta help that girl, Sarge. |
Sarge |
Oh, God! She won't stop screaming. What does "fu*k my fu*king box dry" even mean?! |
Andy |
This is awesome! |
Clip 8 S05 E04: "Big Trouble in Little Clerks 2" |
This is not the sort of announcement you'd want to hear if you were on a battle cruiser in space. It's a good news, bad news situation. |
Captain |
Attention, everyone! We are now in orbit around the planet of hot chicks. Who turn out to be monsters. But they're friendly monsters and they're very horny. Unfortunately, they have razor-sharp teeth in their vaginas. Although they do have ten breasts each. Oh, and the ship is on fire. |
Clip 9 S05 E04: "Big Trouble in Little Clerks 2" |
Daria. The animated 90s sitcom. The principal character was always somewhat... ambiguous. And this explains why. |
Host |
Remember Daria? I know. Yuk! I was anxious to get an acerbic, dry-witted take on the tumultuous nineties from this anti-feminine, basically asexual boy-repelling train wreck. Thanks for sitting down with us, Daria. |
Daria |
It's Daryl, now. All those years I thought I was an exceptionally gross girl when in fact I was a beautiful man. |
Host |
I see. How did this happen? |
Daryl |
Well, first they enlarged my clitoris with androgenic hormones then they fashioned my labia into a makeshift scrotum. |
Host |
[Vomits violently] |
Daryl |
Life's a crazy ride. Especially if you have your urethra re-routed. |
Host |
[Vomits some more] |
Clip 10 S05 E09: "No Country for Old Dogs" |
Dos Equis. Remember the commercials starring Jonathan Goldsmith? They always started the same. But the ending could have been very different. |
Jonathan Goldsmith |
I don't often drink beer but, when I do, I usually suck three or four male penises and on several non-consecutive occasions I've run over a pet. Oh, and once I raped my own uncle. That is why I don't often drink beer. |
Clip 11 S05 E10: "Catch Me If You Kangaroo Jack" |
A death row inmate is, in certain states, allowed to choose his last meal. Which has got to lead to some pretty awkward conversations when the prisoner chooses to... eat out. |
Warden |
What do you want for your last meal, Anderson? |
Anderson |
I wanna eat your wife's - |
[CENSOR BLEEP] |
Warden |
Dammit. Not again. |
[He call his wife] |
Honey? It's me. Can you head over to the jail with your lasagne? Great. Thanks. |
[CENSOR BLEEP] |
Can we replace the batteries in that smoke detector? |
Clip 12 S05 E10: "Catch Me If You Kangaroo Jack" |
If you're in Mexico and partake in a burrito, it's going to get spicy. And if that happens, drink beer. Or milk. But NEVER drink the tap water. Because this will happen. |
Man |
Woooo-hoooo! This burrito is spicy. Nothin' beats Mexican tap water. |
[His stomach goes into spasm] |
That was probably a mistake. |
[We cut to a montage of him on the toilet] |
My a**hole is still fifty percent scar tissue! |
Clip 13 S05 E11: "Beastmaster and Commander" |
If Pinocchio were to enjoy an "evening in" with an unattractive lady, you can expect this to happen. What with his nose growing whenever he tells a lie an' all. |
Woman |
[Giggling excitedly] |
Are you havin' a good time, Pinocchio? |
Pinocchio |
Oh, yeah! Yeah, this is great! |
[We know this was a lie because we hear his nose grow] |
Woman |
Oh, you should ask before you stick your finger in there. |
Pinocchio |
That wasn't a finger. This is fu*king terrible! |
Clip 14 S05 E12: "Casablankman" |
If Mario were to start dating, there would come a time when his girlfriend would need to introduce him to her parents. And this is how I would imagine this would go down. |
Girl |
Mother, father... this is my boyfriend, Mario. |
Mother |
Charmed to finally meet your acquaintance, Mario. Ooooh! Did a pig sh*t out a dead foetus in here? |
Mario |
Oh! I beg your forgiveness. I come here through the sewer line. |
Girl |
Mario's a plumber. |
Father |
So he commutes through human waste? |
Girl |
And he's Italian. |
Father |
Oh. Okay. Say no more. |
Mother |
Did you lose something, Mario? |
[MARIO is searching down the back of the couch when he finds and holds up a coin] |
Mario |
Hey hey! I found one! |
Mother |
Yes. In our sofa. |
Father |
And there it goes. |
Mario |
So, I says "Hey, Bazant toilet paper and paper towels... they ain't the same thing!" |
Mother |
Mmmm. Another clogged toilet story. What a delightful compliment to our mushroom soup. |
Mario |
MUSHROOMS?! Aye-aye-aye! Achoo! |
[MARIO begins to swell] |
Girl |
Remind me to bring mushrooms on our honeymoon! |
Mario |
I so sorry. I have a few allergies. Mama-mia! FLOWERS! Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! |
[He sneezes a fireball which sets fire to the curtains] |
Mother |
Ooh! My DRAPES! |
[The blaze spreads to the MOTHER'S crotch]> |
My MEAT drapes! |
Father |
Both equally dusty! |
Clip 15 S05 E14: "Some Like It Hitman" |
Let's go back to the days when Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck were single and hanging out in bars with a view to picking up chicks, shall we? |
Donald Duck |
Oh! Check it out, baby. You've got an admirer. |
Mickey Mouse |
Oh, wow. That's great! |
Donald Duck |
What are you doing? Get over there and talk to her. |
Mickey Mouse |
Haven't you noticed that she looks exactly like me... but in drag? |
Donald Duck |
So? |
Mickey Mouse |
What am I? A fu*king narcissist that I need to look at myself while I'm bustin'... oh, God. She's comin' over. |
[Before MINNIE can reach him, MICKEY downs his drink and rushes out of the bar. DONALD turns to watch his friend flee and spies DAISY DUCK sat at the bar. But he thinks he's looking into a mirror] |
Donald Duck |
Oh my goodness! I'm a hideous woman! Want to get out of here?! |