Film Funnies | Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny (2006)

Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny

To become the greatest band of all time, two slacker, wannabe-rockers set out on a quest to steal a legendary guitar pick that gives its holders incredible guitar skills, from a maximum security Rock and Roll museum. But do they really need supernatural help to succeed? Yes. Probably.

ADDED: 6 March, 2021 | CLIPS: 13

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT!

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Clip 1

You remember the Dolby THX sound test that they used to play in cinemas, right? Well, Tenacious D have changed it slightly. It's now the THC sound test. Obviously.

Ready, Kage?

Ready.

Let's do this. Fatty!

[Lights and smokes a massive joint]

Check.

Bean and cheese burrito.

Bean and chee...

Tenacious sound check initiated. ENGAGE, KAGE!

[KAGE farts and propels himself upwards, out of frame only to return seconds later, making a textbook landing]

[Laughs]

High five!

[They high five each other and then both lift off on a pocket of turbulent, fetid air; the sound of which resembles the Dolby THX sound test]

Clip 2

It's the first verse of the opening song of the movie in which JB introduces his childhood as a wannabe rocker in a strictly Christian household.

♪
A long-ass fu*king time ago
in a town called Kickapoo,
there lived a humble family,
religious through and through.
But hey, there was a black sheep
and he knew just what to do.

His name was Young JB
and he refused to step in line.
A vision he did see of
fu*king rocking all the time.
He wrote a tasty jam
and all the planets did align.

Oh, the dragon's balls
were blazing
As I stepped into his cave.
Then I sliced his fu*king c*ckles
with my long and shiny blade.
'Twas I who fu*ked the dragon
fu*ka lye, sing, fu*ka loo
And if you try to fu*k with me
then I shall fu*k you too!
Gotta get it on,
in the party zone.
I gots to shoot a load,
in the party zone.
Gotta lick a toad,
in the party zone.
Gotta suck a choad,
in the party zone.
♪

Clip 3

When JB met KG they riffed together. And it started off well. But then, towards the end... well, let's just say that transcribing this was a fu*king nightmare!

♪
Can't you see he's the man?
Let me hear you applaud
He's more than a man,
he's a shining golden god!
lf you think
it's time to fu*king rock
And fu*king roll out of control
Well, then you know
you've got to rock the block
You fu*king suck my fu*king c*ck
'Cause when you rule,
you fu*king school
All of the fools
out of their jewels
'Cause if you think it's time to,
if you think it's time to
lf you think
it's time to fu*king ro-ock
He is going
To kick your fu*king ass
And you know
his name is Kyle Gass
Rocking and fu*king rolling
And fu*king rocking
and fu*king rolling
And fu*king
rip-rip-dip-diddley-diddley
Rip-rip-dip-diddley-diddley
dip, dip
Be-dop-bop-bop,
be-dop-bop-bop
Be-dop-bop-bop,
be-dop-bop-bop-boo!
Bip-bip-bip-biddle-biddle-boo,
bip-bip-bip-biddle-biddle-boo
Boo, boo, boo,
boo, boo, boo!
Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-baah!
Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop
Bip, bip, bip, bip,
bip, bip, bip, bip
Bip, bip, bip, bip-be-doo!
♪

Clip 4

How come it's cool for rockers to power slide when it's basically what little boys do on the dance floor at weddings? I did it once. Both knees of my new trousers gone in one slide. I was five.

Gimme a power slide. Full throttle. No fear.

I'll give you a power slide.

[JB moves out of frame and reappears from the right, sliding on his knees]

How'd that feel?

Really good. How did it look?

Amazing... ly bad!

Clip 5

A c*ck push-up. It doesn't exist, guys. It's a myth. Show me a man who can raise his body weight with his penis and... in fact, no. Don't show me that. I don't want to see it.

Sex is a crucial component to the Kyle Gass Project. Now drop and give me one c*ck push-up.

What's a c*ck push-up?

What's a c*ck push-up?! A c*ck push-up, my friend, is where you lay on your stomach and lift yourself off the ground within nothin' but your boner.

No problem.

Clip 6

The simile is clever but... totally inappropriate. I mean, if they're likening ejaculation to sound and vaginas to ears... yeah. I mean it's totally warped. Totally, totally warped.

Open Mic. Host

Um, the next band asked me to read this.

[He reads aloud from a card in his hand]

"Since the beginning of time, 'twas written in the stones that one day, a band would come. Well, that band has come and now they're here to come again... in your ear pu**ies. Ladies and gentlemen, Tenacious D."

Clip 7

If AC/DC, Van Halen and The Who all used the same guitar pick and they're all awesome, stands to reason the guitar pick has magical properties that turns any man into a guitar hero. Right?

I mean, look at these guys. AC/DC, Van Halen, The Who. Why are you guys so awesome? What'd you have that we don't have?

Well, they all use the same guitar pick.

Holy sh*t balls!

Clip 8

This truck stop waitress hates her job. I mean, truly hates her job. To her, customers are an inconvenience and as for giving recommendations...

Waitress

[Sighs]

You guys know what you want?

Hmm. What do you recommend?

Waitress

I recommend that you order some food.

Clip 9

Not every decision in life is easy. Take this one, for example... Kyle has a choice. Tits or destiny. Well, what would you choose? I'll be honest. I'm conflicted on this one.

What's it gonna be, Kyle? You have to decide. Tits... or destiny?

[KYLE lifts his t-shirt and shows JB his "moobs"]

Tits.

Clip 10

Here's a life hack. If you're hungry and in the middle of the woods... don't eat any mushrooms. And if you find yourself describing your surroundings as "juicy", don't eat any more mushrooms.

One more and that's it. It's a good thing I found these mushrooms. I was fu*king starving. Mmmm. Ah. This place is kinda... juicy!

Clip 11

Nope. No idea. But it sounds cool. Especially with four suspenseful chords right before he says it. I might use this expression. But then again, I might not.

Fu*k-a-luck-a-ding-dong.

Clip 12

Faced with a wall of laser beams, JB needs to deactivate them. He's found the button but he can't reach it. Imagine if Obi Wan Kenobi suggested THIS to Luke Skywalker. Return of the Jedi would have been a very different movie.

Wait. There's a button down here. I think it might deactivate the lasers. But I can't reach it.

The c*ck. Use the c*ck!

Clip 13

As threats go, this is just weird. I mean, I get the whole "cut out your eyes / balls" thing but why would you swap them?

The Stranger

I am going to slice out your eyes. And your balls. And then I am going to stick your eyes in your ball-sacs. And then I will take your balls and I will put them... in your eye holes.

13 MP3 Audio clips from Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny (2006)

To become the greatest band of all time, two slacker, wannabe-rockers set out on a quest to steal a legendary guitar pick that gives its holders incredible guitar skills, from a maximum security Rock and Roll museum. But do they really need supernatural help to succeed? Yes. Probably.