15 MP3 Audio clips from True Lies (1994)

PLAY ALL 15 CLIPS

Clip 1

Albert and Faisil are on stake-out, co-ordinating Harry's infiltration of a well guarded house. Faisil's been outside having a cigarette when Albert calls him back into the van.

[FAISIL leaves the sliding door of the van open despite sub-zero conditions outside]

Albert

Hey, were you born in a barn?

Faisil

Whore-house.

Clip 2

Harry has got distracted by the beautiful Juno Skinner but Albert needs him to get out of there ASAP.

Albert

Harry... seconds count, buddy. Ditch the b**ch!

Clip 3

Nobody likes to think of their little girl growing up, dating, and certainly not having sex. Which is something that Albert would do well to remember before he starts a conversation like this.

Albert

You know, it's not just because you're a bad parent. I mean, kids today are ten years ahead of where we were at the same age.

Harry

[To OMEGA STAFF MEMBER]

Morning!

Staff member

Morning, Mr. Tasker.

Albert

I bet you think she's still a virgin.

Harry

Don't be ridiculous. She's only... what is she now?

Albert

She's fourteen, Harry.

Harry

She's only fourteen years old.

Albert

She's fourteen and her little hormones are going like a fire alarm. It's even money she lets that physicist on the bike boink her.

Harry

Oh, not Dana.

Albert

"Oh, not Dana." Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt any more is it, Harry? She's probably stealing the money to pay for an abortion.

Clip 4

It's debrief time. After Harry's shoot-out slaughter at the home of an influential terrorist, his Colonel would like to find out exactly what happened out there in the cold.

Colonel

Sweet Jesus, Harry. You surely screwed the pooch last night, didn't you? Would you please tell me how I can see this as anything but a total disaster?

Harry

Well, "total" is a strong word.

Albert

Yeah. There... there are different degrees of totality.

Faisil

It's a scale, really, with uh... a perfect mission on one end and then a total pooch screw on the other and, you know, we're right....

Clip 5

Harry has identified the leader of the group who tried to take him out in the Georgetown Park Mall.

Harry

Salim Abu Aziz.

Faisil

They call him The Sandspider.

Colonel

Why?

Faisil

Probably because it sounds scary.

Colonel

Hmmm.

Clip 6

Harry has just made possibly the worst discovery any man can make. His loving wife is having an affair. He's distraught. Luckily, he has Albert to fall back on. And when I say luckily...

Harry

Helen...

Albert

Helen...

Harry

Helen... is having an affair.

Albert

[Suddenly smiling, he grabs HARRY and hugs him]

Welcome to the club, man! Nobody thinks it can happen to them the first time, buddy. Exactly the same thing happened to me with wife number two, remember? I had no idea nothing's going on, right? I come home one day and the house is completely empty. And I mean completely empty. She even took the ice cube trays out of the freezer. What kind of a sick b**ch takes the ice cube trays out of the freezer?!

Clip 7

And the "cheering up" continues. Why is there always a friend who says something like this in your darkest hour?

Albert

Women. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em.

Clip 8

Simon is not a spy. He's not a secret agent. He's a used car salesman. But he's pretending to be a spy to snare women. Women like Helen.

Helen

What happened?

Simon

Hardly worth talking about. Two of them won't bother me again.

Albert

[Sitting outside with HARRY, remotely monitoring the conversation in the restaurant]

Unbelievable!

Helen

You chased one?

Simon

Something came over me. I just had to nail this guy no matter what the risk. Pretty hairy. I thought he had me a couple of times but I... I really... can't take credit.

Helen

Why not?

Simon

It's the training. It shapes you into a lethal instrument. You react in a micro-second without thinking.

Albert

[Laughs]

I'm starting to like this guy...

[He catches HARRY'S disapproving look in his peripheral vision]

Oh, we've still got to kill him... I mean that's a given. You know...

Clip 9

Harry is posing as a buyer to get closer to Simon. To find out what he knows and, ultimately, devise a plan to eradicate the slimy son-of-a-b**ch who's moving in on his wife.

[HARRY is driving the 1959 Corvette C1 fast enough to scare SIMON]

Simon

HEY HEY! You mind keeping it under ninety? I'm still trying to pay for this dental work.

Harry

So... who you working on right now?

Simon

I've always got a couple on the hook, y'know. There's this one right now... I've got her panting like a dog. It's great!

Harry

What does she do?

Simon

Some sort of legal secretary or somethin'. You know that type... conservative. Oh, but she could be so hot if she wanted to be.

Harry

And with you she gets to be real hot, huh?

Simon

Oh, RED HOT!

Harry

Yeah.

Simon

Her thighs steam. It's like a dying plant; just needs a little water. Married to some boring jerk.

Harry

Married to some boring jerk?

Simon

Yeah, y'know. He doesn't appreciate her. She's like all these babes. You get their pilot lit, they can suck-start a leaf-blower. Oh, God she's got the most incredible body and a pair of titties... make you want to stand up and beg for buttermilk. Ass like a ten-year-old boy.

[It's, not surprisingly, at this point that something inside HARRY snaps and he imagines punching SIMON so hard in the face that he breaks his neck]

Clip 10

Helen is meeting Simon. Harry knows because he's been tapping her phone. And now he's bringing in the big guns to resolve his marital discord.

Harry

[Speaking into a radio]

Unit two, unit seven... immediate roll. Acquire subject at Kay Street and Key Bridge. Vehicle is a red and white convertible and you've got exactly six minutes.

Albert

Hey wait a minute, man. Are you out of your mind? You can't pull agents off priority surveillance to follow your wife. That's a misappropriation of Sector resources and it's a breach of national security. You copy, Harry? Hey, you're losing it big time, man. I have to stop you.

Harry

You tell on me, I tell on you.

Albert

What are you talking about? I'm as clean as a preacher's sheets. I'm as clean as a baby's...

Harry

What about the time you blew a six week operation because you were busy getting a blowjob, huh?

Albert

You knew about that? All right... let's take Franklin. It's a lot quicker.

Clip 11

Harry's kidnapped Simon AND Helen. Helen's been interrogated and passed the test. Simon, however... well, he needs to pay the price for his shenanigans.

[HARRY removes the hood from SIMON'S head]

Simon

[Gasps for air]

Wait! You've got the wrong guy. My name's Simon. Look... look... j... just let me go. There's... there's no need to kill me. I'm not a spy. I'm nothing. I'm navel lint. I have to lie to women to get laid. And... and... and I don't score much. I got a little d*ck. It's pathetic.

[As he stands there on the edge of the dam, he starts to pee himself]

Oh. Oh! Oh GOD! Oh. Would a spy pee himself? Huh? HUH?

Harry

Get the fu*k out of here, huh? Why don't you just beat it?

Albert

Get lost, dipsh*t.

[He fires five rounds at SIMON'S feet and he and HARRY take off in the van]

Clip 12

Jean-Claude has been tasked with making a recording which Harry will use to seduce Helen in a hotel room.

Jean-Claude

No, no. Turn around. Do it... doucement. Do it... very slowly.

[He pops his head out of the recording booth]

Who wants this sh*t? Harry? C'est la merde!

Clip 13

Juno Skinner has kidnapped Harry and Helen. They're on a private jet about to take off bound for an island in the Florida Keys.

Juno Skinner

Something before take-off?

[A "stewardess" approaches from behind HELEN and plunges a hypodermic needle into her neck]

Helen

OW! That hurt! You b...

[She falls to the floor, unconscious]

Clip 14

Trying to make Helen jealous and drive a wedge between her two captives, Juno pretends that she and Harry have been involved in a relationship.

Juno Skinner

Did you tell her about us, Harry?

Harry

There is no us, you psychopathic b**ch!

Clip 15

Harry has been injected with Sodium Amytal. Truth Agent. Helen wants to know if it's working.

Harry

Sodium Amytal. Also known as Truth Agent.

Helen

That makes you tell the truth?

Harry

Mmm-hmm.

Helen

Is it working?

Harry

Ask me a question that I normally would lie to.

Helen

Are we gonna die?

Harry

Yep.

Helen

I'd say it's working.

Harry

They're gonna shoot us in the head or they're gonna torture us to death.

Helen

Okay.

Harry

Or they're gonna leave us here when the bomb blows up.

Helen

HARRY!