6 MP3 Audio clips from The Peter Serafinowicz Show (2007)

PLAY ALL 6 CLIPS

Remember the Cillit Bang commercials with Barry Scott shouting at the camera? Well, it was only a matter of time before that weirdo got parodied. His product is an ACTUAL gun. To be clear.

Housewife

[Sighs]

This kitchen is so hard to clean. If only there was an easier way.

Derek Bomb

Hi! I'm Derek Bomb! Say goodbye to daily stains and dirty surfaces with new Kitchen Gun! This sink is filthy but just three shots from Kitchen Gun... BANG, BANG, BANG! and it sparkles like new. Look how it cleans this greasy hob. BANG, BANG, BANG! Good bye dirt! Grubby tiles... BANG, BANG, BANG! I LOVE YOU, KITCHEN GUN! Rusty taps... BANG, BANG, BANG!

[Laughs maniacally]

You can even use it on the washing up... BANG, BANG, BANG! There. All clean again. New Kitchen Gun. Now with laser sight and night vision for after dark cleaning.

It's time for the BBN News Bulletin. Not even the news anchor knows what he's announcing. And the teleprompter keeps him guessing. Literally. It's like a game show.

Presenter

Good evening. Our top story tonight. In science -

[Wrong answer sound]

In China?

[Wrong answer sound]

In space?

[Wrong answer sound]

In entertainment?

[Wrong answer sound]

In sport?

[Correct answer sound]

Manchester United?

[Wrong answer sound]

Liverpool?

[Correct answer sound]

Won?

[Wrong answer sound]

Lost?

[Wrong answer sound]

Match postponed?

[Wrong answer sound]

Committed mass suicide?

[Correct answer sound]

That's terrible. Well, that's all from the news desk.

[Correct answer sound]

Good night.

[Wrong answer sound]

Bad night?

[Wrong answer sound]

Night night?

[Correct answer sound]

Night night.

You know those annoying late night commercials for chat lines? Well, they deserve to be mocked mercilessly don't they? Of course they do. Introducing Pirate Chat...

V/O

Would you like to have a live, one-on-one, personal chat with a pirate? Our dirty pirates are waiting for your call. Call Pirate Chat now on 0909 879 8790.

Pirate

What you be waitin' for?

You ever watched American Idol, America's Got Talent or The X-Factor and wondered what Simon Cowell is really thinking? Well, here it is. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Presenter

Well, Martin, Martin that was absolutely stunning. I'm... I'm in bits here, I really am. But what did the judges think?

Simon Cowell

Martin, Martin. Um... you've surprised me. That was the best performance we've ever had on the show. I'd even go as far as to say that you have the best singing voice I've ever heard. You've done Wales proud and more importantly, you've done yourself proud. However. You are a c*nt!

Martin

Um, th... thank you, Simon. But, uh... you know I don't... I don't think the audience agree.

Simon Cowell

Well, they wouldn't agree because they're c*nts. You ARE! You ARE! You are c*nts! They're c*nts!

Can you imagine K-tel or Telstar selling this album? Classical music over the soundtrack of two people going at it like it's going out of fashion. Ooh yeah!

V/O

This is Sexual Classics. The definitive collection of explicit classical recordings. Recorded over two sensational nights by the London Pornographic Orchestra. Featuring the world's horniest composers. Sir Benjamin Titten, Wolfgang Bang Amadeus Mozart, JS Bonk, Rimsky-Korsakov and many, many, many, many, many, many, many... This is Sexual Classics. Available in all good sexy shops with free pack of condoms.

Another late night chat line commercial. This time for Zombie Chat.

V/O

Do you want to have a one-to-one chat with one of our gorgeous zombies? Call now and speak to real zombies in your area. Call Zombie Chat now on 0909 879 6660.