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7 MP3 Audio clips from Season 5 of Family Guy (1999)

Family Guy is one of the longest running (and arguably the funniest) cartoon shows ever to come out of the USA. It follows the dysfunctional Griffin family; Peter, Lois, Meg, Chris, Stewie and their talking dog Brian as they survive life in a small Rhode Island town. Expect filth, cursing, sick jokes and twisted animation. All the things we really love, huh?!

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Timestamp: 2024-01-08 | Added: 2020-05-03
Family Guy

Family Guy | Season 5

© 1999 20th Century Fox Television

Family Guy is one of the longest running (and arguably the funniest) cartoon shows ever to come out of the USA. It follows the dysfunctional Griffin family; Peter, Lois, Meg, Chris, Stewie and their talking dog Brian as they survive life in a small Rhode Island town. Expect filth, cursing, sick jokes and twisted animation. All the things we really love, huh?!

UPDATED: | CLIPS: 637

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT!

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Clip 1

S05 E01: "Stewie Loves Lois"

Brian is in love with Lois. I mean, he's a dog and she's a wife and a mother of three. It could never work. But that doesn't stop him flexing.

Download Clip 0169-121 to your PC / Mac  

Lois

Are you flexing?

Brian

Wh... me? N... no! Wh... wh... why would I be flexing? I mean I have, uh... sort of been hitting the gym so, uh... if, if you wanted to see how it's going...

[He pulls a Front Double Bicep]

... GADOOSH!

Clip 2

S05 E05: "Whistle While Your Wife Works"

Brian is dating Gillian. Gillian has the perfect body. But absolutely no brain. Some guys might find that attractive. But I'm with Stewie. Not my thing.

Download Clip 0169-122 to your PC / Mac  

Brian

So, are you gonna take back what you said?

Stewie

Brian, she's stunning.

Brian

Okay, you met her. You can scram now.

Stewie

I shall do no such thing. Now why in the world would you be embarrassed about dating her?

Gilllian

Oh my God, Brian! I was watching something on TV about this guy named Hitler. Somebody should stop him.

Stewie

Are her parents brother and sister?

Brian

Can you please leave now?

Stewie

Oh... now I get it. She's a moron. But a moron with large breasts you can use as mountains for your Matchbox cars or whatever it is grown-ups do with large breasts.

Brian

Shut up! That's not it at all.

Stewie

Say, Gillian... I love what you've done with the place. Uh, what is it? One bedroom, one bath?

Gillian

No. It's a whole apartment.

Stewie

Oh, God. Outstanding!

Clip 3

S05 E05: "Whistle While Your Wife Works"

If you were to look up the word "bimbo" in the dictionary, there would be a picture of Brian's girlfriend Gillian there. If you blew into her ear, she'd whistle.

Download Clip 0169-123 to your PC / Mac  

Brian

Okay, goodnight everyone.

Stewie

Oh, say Gillian? Before you go, I forget... do you know what the capital of this state is?

Gillian

Um, Rhode Island City?

[BRIAN ushers GILLIAN outside and slams the door behind them]

Stewie

[Laughs joyously]

It's like she's fu*king five!

Clip 4

S05 E06: "Prick Up Your Ears"

To save money, James Woods High School have cancelled their Sex Education lessons. Lois is horrified by this.

Download Clip 0169-124 to your PC / Mac  

Lois

Without Sex. Ed. kids can wind up sexually confused. Uh, just look at Michael Jackson.

[Cut to breakfast cereal commercial, MICHAEL JACKSON sat at a kitchen table]

Michael Jackson

The kid in me likes the frosted side. But the grown up in me likes the kid in me!

Clip 5

S05 E09: "Road to Rupert"

Mr. Herbert is the neighbourhood paedophile. Which shouldn't be funny. Not at all. But somehow it is. Because this is a cartoon I guess. In real life, I'd want to wring his neck.

Download Clip 0169-125 to your PC / Mac  

Mr. Herbert

Hey there, Chris.

Chris

Hi, Mr. Herbert.

Mr. Herbert

Sellin' your old hand-me-downs?

Chris

Yep.

Mr. Herbert

You got anything you used to wear in the summer time?

Chris

Just these old shorts.

Mr. Herbert

Sweet Jesus!

Clip 6

S05 E09: "Road to Rupert"

There are no words to describe this so I won't even bother trying. I'll let the clip speak for itself and I'll apologise for it in advance.

Download Clip 0169-126 to your PC / Mac  

Stanford Cordray

I'm sorry but that bear belongs to Timmy. Now please leave.

[STEWIE spies a skiing trophy and an idea is born]

Stewie

Wait, wait! How about a ski off?

Stanford Cordray

W... what?!

Stewie

You heard me. First one down the mountain wins. If I win, I get Rupert.

Stanford Cordray

Interesting. What do I get if I win?

Stewie

My dog.

Stanford Cordray

Hmm. What can he do?

Stewie

Uh... if you put peanut butter anywhere on your body, he'll lick it off. Anywhere.

Clip 7

S05 E12: "Airport '07"

Peter has become a redneck. And I mean that he's become a redneck. He's bought a pick-up, a ten-gallon hat and a large belt buckle. And his family values have altered somewhat, too.

Download Clip 0169-127 to your PC / Mac  

Lois

Chris, what happened to the couch?

Chris

Dad dragged it out on the lawn 'cos he said that's what rednecks do.

[Cut to front lawn. PETER is sat on the couch with his feet in a paddling pool filled with cans of beer]

Peter

Hey, Meg! Come here. Have a seat.

[MEG sits down next to PETER who pretends to yawn and puts an arm around her shoulders]

Meg

Dad... what are you doing?

Peter

Meg... I'm a redneck which means I am about to do something to you that you will not remember until you're forty.

Meg

[Gets up and runs off, screaming]

Peter

Meg. Come back here! I meant sex!