Ali has the hots for her neighbour, a guy she's taken to calling "Captain Fu*ktastic" and when they share a lift together (with her assistant playing gooseberry), Ali's disappointed...
Not even the sideways eye-fu*k. Nada. What's going on in his head? What... my ass doesn't look good in this skirt?
Oh, given the current climate it feels inappropriate for me to comment on your butt -
Tight as a snare drum, you could bounce a quarter off that thing.
You know what? Screw him. Today is my day. I'm making partner, baby!
It's a dog eat dog world. It's not unusual for an agent to be screaming abuse down his phone at an advertising agency executive. Except, that's not the case with Danny. Not this time.
[Shouting into a cellphone]
FU*K YOU, BRO! I'LL RIP OUT YOUR EYES AND FU*K THE SOCKETS! I'LL FU*K YOUR MOM!
[He hangs up]
Ad agency exec?
Oh, no... it's my brother. Yeah, we're... we're doin' that whole fantasy football crap. Anyway, want a donut?
Pitching yourself to a prospective client is hard enough. But it's much harder when you have a used condom stuck to the back of your jacket throughout the meeting. I'd imagine.
Well, that could've gone worse.
Could've noticed the used condom on your back earlier.
That was a rubber glove. I was dyeing my hair, you a**hole.
Yeah, dyeing your hair with
Ali has woken up in hospital. Doctor Wilson is looking after her. And it's at this moment that Ali realises that she can hear what he's thinking.
Well, your signs look good but I'm gonna check your vitals once more before we release you back in the wild.
[We now hear his inner monologue] Thank God this one didn't die on me. Some d*ckweed shoves a whole hairdryer into his rectum, electrocutes himself in the shower but somehow I'm responsible. I mean, who does that?!
Ali needs help to rid herself of this ability. So who better to visit than the woman who bestowed it upon her in the first place? Only, it was nothing voodoo. No. It turns out it was just drugs.
You did, uh... a tarot reading at my friend Mari's bachelorette night?
And you made me drink this really funky tea.
And, um... it messed me up.
So, what was in it?
Oh, that was just Jasmine Tea.
And a teeny bit of pot. And a teeny, tiny bit of X.
FYI, you signed a waiver.
Oh, no, no. The PCP... people like it. People enjoy this generally. But what do you want me to do? Some dry cleaning? Did she... did you sh*t yourself?
Did she sh*t herself?
No. NO! No.
It's "Secret Poker Night" and the guys from SWM are gathered around Nick's table. Not the best time, therefore, for Nick to "squeeze the cheese".
Damn! I gotta cut one. It's that egg salad. I'll sneak it out with a cough.
[NICK leans to one side, coughs and farts simultaneously]
[We now hear the thoughts of the other men at the table]
What the fu*k?
Is that egg salad?
Damn... can we open up a window? Whoever did that needs to go see a doctor!
Ben is cute. He's also sorry.
Sorry. I found your licence on the floor in my Dad's room. And I'm also sorry for wearing your underwear on my head.
It's Mari's wedding day. Ali knows things. About her husband and the husband of a fellow bridesmaid. But was
now the best time to tell the world? Probably, yes.
Look at yourself.
Well... your husband has been getting his
thing sucked. On the down-low by his golf buddy, Louis.
I have always felt that way.
You've lost your mind. I would never... That's disgusting.
It wasn't when you were sucking on my
[The congregation respond with disbelief]
You kissed me with
d*ck on your lips? Oh HELL no! [The congregation continue to react]
Ali has just made partner which is all she ever wanted. Before she knew what she wanted. And now it's time to send a message to Nick and the other chauvinistic pr**ks around the table.
Okay... so on that note we're out. Um, and... we would like to wish you the best in all of your future endeavours... i.e. go fu*k yourself. And kiss my black ass. Let's go!