9 MP3 Audio clips from What Men Want (2019)

PLAY ALL 9 CLIPS

Clip 1

Ali has the hots for her neighbour, a guy she's taken to calling "Captain Fu*ktastic" and when they share a lift together (with her assistant playing gooseberry), Ali's disappointed...

Ali

Not even the sideways eye-fu*k. Nada. What's going on in his head? What... my ass doesn't look good in this skirt?

Brandon

Oh, given the current climate it feels inappropriate for me to comment on your butt -

Ali

BRANDON!

Brandon

Tight as a snare drum, you could bounce a quarter off that thing.

Ali

You know what? Screw him. Today is my day. I'm making partner, baby!

Clip 2

It's a dog eat dog world. It's not unusual for an agent to be screaming abuse down his phone at an advertising agency executive. Except, that's not the case with Danny. Not this time.

Danny

[Shouting into a cellphone]

FU*K YOU, BRO! I'LL RIP OUT YOUR EYES AND FU*K THE SOCKETS! I'LL FU*K YOUR MOM!

[He hangs up]

Brandon

Ad agency exec?

Danny

Oh, no... it's my brother. Yeah, we're... we're doin' that whole fantasy football crap. Anyway, want a donut?

Clip 3

Pitching yourself to a prospective client is hard enough. But it's much harder when you have a used condom stuck to the back of your jacket throughout the meeting. I'd imagine.

Ethan

Well, that could've gone worse.

Ali

How?

Ethan

Could've noticed the used condom on your back earlier.

Ali

That was a rubber glove. I was dyeing my hair, you a**hole.

Ethan

Yeah, dyeing your hair with semen!

Clip 4

Ali has woken up in hospital. Doctor Wilson is looking after her. And it's at this moment that Ali realises that she can hear what he's thinking.

Doctor Wilson

Well, your signs look good but I'm gonna check your vitals once more before we release you back in the wild.

[We now hear his inner monologue]

Thank God this one didn't die on me. Some d*ckweed shoves a whole hairdryer into his rectum, electrocutes himself in the shower but somehow I'm responsible. I mean, who does that?!

Clip 5

Ali needs help to rid herself of this ability. So who better to visit than the woman who bestowed it upon her in the first place? Only, it was nothing voodoo. No. It turns out it was just drugs.

Ali

You did, uh... a tarot reading at my friend Mari's bachelorette night?

Sister

Mmm hmm.

Ali

And you made me drink this really funky tea.

Sister

Mmm.

Ali

And, um... it messed me up.

Sister

Mmm.

Ali

So, what was in it?

Sister

Oh, that was just Jasmine Tea.

Ali

Oh.

Sister

And a teeny bit of pot. And a teeny, tiny bit of X.

Ali

What?!

Sister

FYI, you signed a waiver.

Ali

So you dosed me?

Sister

Oh, no, no. The PCP... people like it. People enjoy this generally. But what do you want me to do? Some dry cleaning? Did she... did you sh*t yourself?

Ali

No. No.

Brandon

Did she sh*t herself?

Ali

No. NO! No.

Clip 6

It's "Secret Poker Night" and the guys from SWM are gathered around Nick's table. Not the best time, therefore, for Nick to "squeeze the cheese".

Nick

Damn! I gotta cut one. It's that egg salad. I'll sneak it out with a cough.

[NICK leans to one side, coughs and farts simultaneously]

[We now hear the thoughts of the other men at the table]

Ewww!

What the fu*k?

Ohhhh!

Just... just wow!

[Gags]

Is that egg salad?

James

Damn... can we open up a window? Whoever did that needs to go see a doctor!

Clip 7

Ben is cute. He's also sorry.

Ben

Sorry. I found your licence on the floor in my Dad's room. And I'm also sorry for wearing your underwear on my head.

Clip 8

It's Mari's wedding day. Ali knows things. About her husband and the husband of a fellow bridesmaid. But was now the best time to tell the world? Probably, yes.

Ciarra

Look at yourself.

Ali

Well... your husband has been getting his thing sucked. On the down-low by his golf buddy, Louis.

Olivia

I have always felt that way.

Ciarra's Husband

You've lost your mind. I would never... That's disgusting.

Louis

It wasn't when you were sucking on my d*ck!

[The congregation respond with disbelief]

Ciarra

You kissed me with d*ck on your lips? Oh HELL no!

[The congregation continue to react]

Clip 9

Ali has just made partner which is all she ever wanted. Before she knew what she wanted. And now it's time to send a message to Nick and the other chauvinistic pr**ks around the table.

Ali

Okay... so on that note we're out. Um, and... we would like to wish you the best in all of your future endeavours... i.e. go fu*k yourself. And kiss my black ass. Let's go!