12 MP3 Audio clips from The Other Guys (2010)

PLAY ALL 12 CLIPS

Clip 1

Highsmith and Danson have just careered through the side of a tourist bus in their Mustang. Now's the time to say something witty. And Highsmith never disappoints.

Highsmith

Did, uh... someone call 9-1-Holy Sh*t?!

Clip 2

Highsmith and Danson might be heroes but they don't do paperwork. That's down to the other detectives to take care of. Detectives who should be SEEN and not HEARD, apparently.

Danson

We couldn't do our job if it weren't for you guys doing all the paperwork, answering the phones... all that stupid sh*t that we don't like to do.

Highsmith

All the gunfights, all the car chases, all the sex we don't wanna have with women but we have to... all due to what you guys do.

Captain Mauch

Thank you.

Gamble

And we'd do it again and again.

Highsmith

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! YOU SHUT YOUR FACE! IF WE WANT TO HEAR YOU TALK, I WILL SHOVE MY ARM UP YOUR ASS AND WORK YOUR MOUTH LIKE A PUPPET! Y'HEAR ME? Y'HEAR ME?

Clip 3

Captain Mauch knows the score. Danson and Highsmith aren't going to do their paperwork. That's got to be delegated to someone else. A desk jockey.

Captain Mauch

This is their paperwork. You know they're not going to do it. That's right. This paperwork is like Bob's wife here. It's thick, ugly and it's got Danson's fingerprints all over it. No offence, Bob.

Bob

That's all right.

Clip 4

There's no love lost between Hoitz and Gamble as Hoitz makes plainly clear with this little speech in the office.

Hoitz

If we were in the wild... I would attack you. Even if you weren't in my food-chain, I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and friggin' EAT you. And then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend.

Clip 5

I'm not entirely sure what kind of Bar Mitzvahs Martin is going to but this definitely doesn't sound normal. Waking up with a belt around your neck? I think he might have gatecrashed the wrong party.

Fosse

So then what happened?

Martin

What do you think happened? I woke up, I took the belt off my neck and I got in my car and I got out of there.

Fosse

Talk about a wild weekend, right?

Martin

I thought I was going to have to shoot my way out.

[Laughs]

What are you going to do though, you know? Bar Mitzvahs!

Clip 6

"Speeding" to a crime scene, Hoitz asks a fairly logical question. "What the Hell is this?" is about right. I've nothing against hybrid cars but as a police vehicle? Hmm.

Hoitz

The hell is this?

Gamble

It's my car. It's a Prius.

Hoitz

I feel like we're literally driving around in a vagina.

Clip 7

Stevenson has just kidnapped Ershon. In the process, he's disarmed Hoitz and Gamble AND stolen their shoes. He's unrelenting and unapologetic.

Stevenson

There are three things I love in this world. Kylie Minogue, small dimples just above a woman's buttocks..

Gamble

Beautiful features.

Stevenson

... and the fear in a man's eye when he knows I'm about to hurt him.

Captain Mauch

Hey! Shake your d*cks. This p*ssing contest is over.

Clip 8

Having been stolen during Ershon's kidnapping, Gamble's beloved Toyota Prius has been recovered. But someone hasn't been treating it with the same love and care that he lavishes upon it. Oh no...

Hoitz

You find anything?

Cop

Yeah. We found a lot of stuff. From bodily fluid and hair samples we determined that a bunch of old homeless dudes had an orgy in the car.

Gamble

Oh... God!

Cop

Yeah. You know what that's called when they do that in there? It's called a Soup Kitchen. It's pretty rough stuff. Not long after that a momma raccoon came along and gave birth on the floor.

Gamble

Oh...

Cop

Placenta blew out all over the back window there.

Gamble

Jesus!

Cop

Then to top it all off some joker comes along and takes himself a nifty little dump in the driver's seat. I think he knew you guys were cops because this is what I would call a "spite sh*t"

Clip 9

The Prius has already been defiled once. But whilst Hoitz and Gamble discuss their doomed love lives, the same gang of hobos come along and are really hoping for a second act.

Dirty Mike

How you fellas doin'? We're about to have ourselves a little screw party in this red Prius over here if you wanna join us.

Gamble

No. You're not going anywhere near that Prius, okay?

Dirty Mike

Here's what we're talking about. We're talking about a bunch of hobos with fingers in each other's pooper in a stranger's car with Talk Radio playing really loud. It's gonna be a nice evening.

Gamble

Well, we're not participating in that. We have no interest.

Dirty Mike

Let me rephrase it. We got a jar of old mustard, and we've got a poodle and we're just gonna get in there and we're gonna put some D's in some A's.

Gamble

Hey, are you Dirty Mike and the boys?

Dirty Mike

How do you know who we are?

Gamble

You left a note in that car!

Hoitz

Police, sh*t-head.

Dirty Mike

He's a copper. We gotta go. COME ON! GREASE IT, BOYS! THEY'RE COPS. RUB YOUR D*CKS ON THE CAR AS YOU'RE RUNNING AWAY!

Gamble

You turned my beautiful Prius into a nightmare!

Dirty Mike

WE ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX IN YOUR CAR. IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN!

Clip 10

Ershon, Hoitz and Gamble need a place to lie low. A bolt-hole until this whole thing blows over. As luck would have it, Ershon has just such a place. But his use for it is somewhat distasteful.

Ershon

Uh, I have a small apartment. No-one knows about it. I use it mainly for my parents and prostitutes. Not at the same time. That would be wrong.

Clip 11

The bad guys are staking out Gamble's home. Mama Ramos has to carry messages between her daughter and son-in-law. But the messages get a little... steamy.

Mama Ramos

Hello, Allan.

Gamble

Hello, Mama Ramos. What are you doing out here?

Mama Ramos

Sheila says she doesn't know what happened and she wants you back.

Gamble

Oh.

Mama Ramos

She also says...

Gamble

Yes?

Mama Ramos

... she wants you on top of her, holding her hair and riding her like a bucking bronco while she sucks your thumb and says, "Mommy Likey!"

Gamble

You.. you tell your daughter...

[Cut to house interior]

Mama Ramos

He said he'll always love you and he's so happy that you're having his child.

Sheila

Allan...

Mama Ramos

He also says that he wants you to stare into each other's eyes without blinking while you do it.

Sheila

I love when we do that.

Mama Ramos

And then, afterwards, lick the sex off each other. I don't wanna do this. You... you say things that are too personal.

Sheila

Okay. But just one more thing...

[Cut to outside, speaking to GAMBLE]

Mama Ramos

She said she loves you and wants to hold your hand and have ice tea with you.

Gamble

C'mon. That's not all she said.

Mama Ramos

No. She says other things but I don't want...

Gamble

Please, please, please... You don't realise. I may be killed tomorrow.

Mama Ramos

Okay. She says she wants to unplug all the clocks and the phones and have a three day F marathon.

Gamble

That's more like it. Yeah.

Mama Ramos

She wants to walk wrong for a week because you guys effed so hard.

Gamble

That's just lovely.

[Cut to back inside the house]

Mama Ramos

No more! He says things I can't say. It involves a... a mannequin hand and an electric shaver taped to a golf club!

Clip 12

It's the big show down. Ershon is about to be rescued from his captors and having been shot, Gamble has never been more pleased to see his colleagues show up. Better late than never, huh?!

Captain Mauch

POLICE! DON'T MOVE! DROP YOUR WEAPONS!

Martin

DROP IT OR BE DROPPED, HOME BOY!

Fosse

I hope you like the taste of prison food. And penis!