12 MP3 Audio clips from Spy (2015)

PLAY ALL 12 CLIPS

Clip 1

Tihomir Boyanov is no fool. He's the only one who knows where the nuke is. So Bradley needs to keep him alive at all costs.

Tihomir Boyanov

Which means I'm now the only one who knows just where that dangerously compact and transportable nuke is. So... I'd say I have more then... ten seconds.

Bradley Fine

Well then... in that case... I'd say you'd better st -

[BRADLEY sneezes, accidentally firing his weapon and killing BOYANOV outright with a single shot to the forehead]

Ohhhhhh... fu*k!

Clip 2

A waiter has poured water onto expanding hand towels. Susan mistakes them for dessert.

Susan

These look delicious!

[Taking one and putting it in her mouth]

Bradley

[To the waiter]

Uhhh, le d...

Susan

I don't wanna be critical but this is very chewy.

Bradley

Coop... you're eating a hand towel.

Clip 3

Susan has a swollen, inflamed left eye. It could be pink-eye. But she's still at her post, working on intelligence. Much to the Deputy Director's astonishment.

Elaine Crocker

We've intercepted chatter that the weapon's still being offered to the highest bidder. Someone other than Boyanov knows where that nuke is.

Susan

It's probably his daughter, Rayna. She's really the only person he's trusted.

Elaine Crocker

Jesus, Cooper. Do you have pink-eye? Go home. You're going to infect everybody.

Bradley

Told ya!

Susan

No. It's... it's not pink-eye, ma'am. It's just I'm having a... a bit of an allergic reaction.

Elaine Crocker

Well, I'm allergic to disgusting childhood illnesses so stay away from me.

Susan

Sorry.

Clip 4

The Deputy Director really doesn't want to catch whatever it is causing Susan's ocular inflammation.

Susan

[Reaching for the Deputy Director's keyboard]

Pull up my file...

Elaine Crocker

Jesus! Not my keyboard with your pink-eye-infected fingers. Why don't you just cry directly into my mouth while you're at it?!

Clip 5

Having witnessed her partner agent being slaughtered by Rayna Boyanov, Susan is a little emotional. And sometimes that leads to unintentional leakage at work.

Elaine Crocker

Susan... I got your assessment report on Rayna Boyanov. I know you're probably feeling a lot of emotion right now but please refrain from using the term, "Thunder C*nt."

Clip 6

Rick has a plan to circumvent the fact that Rayna knows the identity of the key CIA agents.

Rick Ford

Here's what we do. I go into the Faceoff Machine, get a whole new face. I turn up, they'll never know it's me.

Elaine Crocker

Do you have quarters? 'Cos it costs fifty cents.

Rick Ford

What, I've gotta pay?

Elaine Crocker

No. Because it doesn't exist.

Rick Ford

Yes it does. I heard Cress and Wright talking about it in the sh*tter.

Elaine Crocker

I'm pretty sure they were pulling your leg.

Rick Ford

[To CRESS and WRIGHT]

You pair of fu*king vaginas!

Clip 7

Pat is the CIA's equivalent of "Q" in the Bond movies. An agent is hovering around the lab on some form of levitating platform.

Anthony

Hey, Pat! Woo! I'm gonna totally crop dust these guys.

Pat

Way to go, Anthony!

Anthony

[Hovers over his colleagues and farts]

Oh, I just farted...

[He farts again]

... oh, God. I think I sh*t my pants.

Clip 8

Rayna has been saved by Susan who'd observed someone spiking her drink with acid. Christo was supposed to be on the look out. Poor Christo.

Rayna

Oh, and by the way... Christo was supposed to be looking after me at the bar and making sure nobody put anything in my drinks.

[To SUSAN]

They'll give him a talking to.

Susan

Seems fair. Maybe dock him a day's wage.

[A loud gunshot is heard behind her, signalling that CHRISTO has been "punished"]

Or shoot him in the head. That always works!

Clip 9

It's time to clink glasses and celebrate Rayna's survival on board her private jet.

Susan

Here's to your Mom.

Rayna

To my mother. And to you.

Susan

And here's to you. I mean you may never be as wise as an owl but you'll always be a hoot to me.

Rayna

What a stupid fu*king retarded toast!

Clip 10

Pleasantries are over. Susan needs to get down to business. It's time to play hardball with Rayna.

Susan

[Mocking RAYNA]

"Oh, you look just like my dead mama..." And fu*k you for saying that I look anything like that fu*king beast. No wonder your father never had the son he wanted. You fu*k that monster once and you just drop the fu*king mic and walk out.

Clip 11

Rayna. She's painfully British, very beautiful, rich and evil. Oh and she has a filthy mouth.

Rayna

[Shouting from a fourth-floor window to SUSAN and NANCY]

GET YOUR MOTHER-FU*KING ARSES UP HERE. NOW!

Clip 12

Aldo. Is he Italian? Is he British? Surely not the latter as no self-respecting British man would speak to a lady the way he does.

Aldo

One day, lady Super Spy Susan Cooper, I will fu*k you!