10 MP3 Audio clips from 50 First Dates (2004)

PLAY ALL 10 CLIPS

Clip 1

Ula has been bitten. By a shark. And that's worrying. But not quite as worrying as his knowledge of touching dogs inappropriately.

Ula

[Screams out in pain as HENRY sutures a large shark bite on the side of his abdomen]

Hey, I'm a person; not a seal, huh?

Henry

Well, I am a vet not a doctor, so just... hold still or I won't give you a treat.

Ula

Aargh!

Henry

I know.

Ula

Ow!

Henry

You see that, kids? See what happens when you play with sharks?

Ula

Aargh! Why you gotta spread those lies? Sharks are like dogs... they only bite when you touch their private parts.

Clip 2

This guy makes repeated appearances. Usually to insult Henry at the restaurant. On this occasion, Henry is staring at Lucy when...

Old Hawaiian

Are you staring at me or her? 'Cos you're starting to freak me out!

Clip 3

Alexa is... well, she's... how can I put this? She's "mannish". Not quite a woman, not quite a man. But I certainly wouldn't want to meet her on a dark night.

Alexa

I am grouchy due to lack of recent physical intimacy.

Henry

Ooh.

Alexa

Shut up because here comes one-time-only opportunity. What I will do now is go into your office and become naked. Next move is up to you. I may not be as limber as I once was but I make up for it with enthusiasm and willingness to experiment, eh?

Henry

I don't know if you realise... I'm not into guys.

Clip 4

The Old Hawaiian can always be relied upon to ruin any moment. Happy, romantic, celebratory... he can always p*ss on Henry's strawberries. So to speak.

Old Hawaiian

[Speaks for a moment in his native tongue]

Which means, "look at those two sh*theads!"

Clip 5

Ula is an "enabler" of sorts. He meets attractive female tourists and sets them up with Henry. And he's been up to his old tricks again.

Ula

I met this sexy blonde tax attorney at Starbucks today.

Henry

Uh-huh.

Ula

I told her you the kahuna if she wanna have fun on this island.

Henry

Hmm mmm.

Ula

You want her number?

Henry

You pimping tourists for me again, Ula?

Ula

Yes! I live vicariously through you, remember? My life sucks! C'mon, give her the Waikiki Key sneaky between the cheeky.

Henry

Oh!

Ula

Ula needs it. This way I can imagine I did it and then I can get through another weekend.

Clip 6

Henry is a player. He's a "playah" He knows every trick in the book. But he doesn't get women drunk to worm his way into their knickers. No. He has a better idea.

Henry

Actually I'm not drunk at all, Noreen and neither are you because there's no alcohol in these drinks. Sadly I've used this technique many times. It helps lovely tourists such as yourself loosen up without impairing your ability to stay awake all night and have guilt-free vigorous sex with me!

Clip 7

This is going to sound really creepy out of context. In essence? Henry is continuing a conversation he and Lucy had the previous day. A conversation she has no memory of.

Henry

Hi!

Lucy

Hi!

Henry

My fingers are extra fishy today if you'd care to take a whiff.

Lucy

What... was that?

Henry

I was petting my walrus all morning and I was thinking about you the whole time.

Clip 8

Henry is trying something new to get Lucy's attention. Pretending he can't read the menu at breakfast and crying pathetically at the bar.

[HENRY is crying despondently]

Lucy

Wonder what's the matter with him.

Old Hawaiian

Looks like a stupid a**hole to me.

[HENRY starts the second verse of miserable, guttural crying]

Clip 9

Asking Alexa (the movie character, not your electronic home assistant) for relationship advice is like asking a blind man what colour your shirt is.

Alexa

If I promised a woman's father I would not see her?

Henry

Hmm mmm.

Alexa

I would simply shut my eyes while she serviced my manhood.

Henry

That's actually a cool way to look at it. In a very gross way.

Clip 10

Doug is on the 'roids. He's trying to make himself buff. But all he's actually achieving is soiling his sheets each and every night. Yes. You heard that right.

Doug

Listen, Doctor... this friend of mine's been... experimenting a little with steroids and, uh... he's been having a lot of wet dreams. Could there be a connection between those two?

Doctor Keats

Douglas. Get off the juice. And as far as the nocturnal emissions, why don't you take a swim, buy a shirt with no holes in it, find a beautiful wahine and take her to dinner.