6 MP3 Audio clips from Airheads (1994)

PLAY ALL 6 CLIPS

Clip 1

Ian is a DJ on KPPX and he also hosts Thursday nights at a local rock venue. He has a unique way of introducing acts to the stage.

Ian

Listen up you low-lifes. What the hell are we doin' here on a Thursday night? That's right... ROCK AND ROLL! We're here to party tonight with our little buddies, "The Sons of Thunder" so why don't all you little idiots press your faces up against the speakers and BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!

Clip 2

Just after the guns come out, Milo begins pathetically begging for his life.

Milo

Hey, hey... hey, guys. We're all rock 'n rollers here...

Chazz

You look like half a butt-puppet! Do you know what it's like to be on the bill and to play for fifteen minutes and the only people there to see you are the other bands and their girlfriends? Don't talk to me about rock and roll. I'm out there in the clubs and on the streets and I am living it. I AM rock and roll.

Clip 3

There's a hitch. A BIG hitch. The band's demo recording is on reel-to-reel tape. The station can't play that format.

Ian

We can't play this tape. We're only set up for CDs and cassettes.

Pip

Chazz, I said we should've brought a cassette.

Chazz

A cassette dub knocks out the low end and it makes my background vocals sound like someone is stepping on my nuts.

Rex

God! Mister perfectionist.

Chazz

Quit necking on me you femmes, all right? All we've got is a quarter inch. There's gotta be a reel-to-reel around here somewhere. Find it. It's a radio station.

Clip 4

I guess the band never stopped to consider the finer grammatical ramifications of their name. It's up to Ian to point out the obvious issue with it.

Ian

The "Lone Rangers"? That's original. How can you pluralise the Lone Ranger?

Pip

What's wrong with that?

Ian

Well... there's three of you. You're not exactly "lone". Shouldn't you be The Three Rangers?

Clip 5

Pip is receiving a lesson in being a hard man from Rex. He's practising his "hostage management" skills. With a water pistol filled with hot sauce.

Pip

ALL RIGHT! AGAINST THE WALL.

Rex

[Slapping PIP on the arm]

C'mon, tough, TOUGH!

Pip

SERIOUSLY... MOVE IT!

Rex

I'm not scared, Pip. Come on!

Pip

I'M GONNA STAB YOUR HEADS OFF!

Rex

With what? With what?

Pip

[Thinking for a moment]

WITH MY D*CK!

Rex

YEAH!

Pip

YEAH! AND BLOOD'S GONNA COME OUT OF YOUR HEAD. AND THERE'S NOTHIN' YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. 'COS I'M A MAD MAN!

Clip 6

Ian is about to discover that his beloved radio station has been sold down the river by Milo and is about to become the new home of Kenny G. He's not happy about it. Not happy at all.

Ian

Speak to me. What's going down?

Milo

Okay, um... we're changing formats. Sunday at midnight the station goes soft rock.

Pip

Rebel Radio's going soft?

Milo

Well, we were changing the name of the station to, uh... The Rain. You know, relax to the mellow sounds of The Rain... on KPPX. That and we're being forced to re-staff.

Carter

Jeez... bud.

Suzzi

[Whispering with her head in her hands]

All those blowjobs for nothing.

Ian

You're firing me? You little snake-in-the-grass bastard? Where do you get the balls to fire me?

Milo

This was handed down from above, Ian. I fought this thing kicking and screaming.

Ian

You've just begun to kick and scream you snivelling putz! I'LL KILL YOU!

Pip

Fight!

[There's tearing and screaming as IAN makes good on his promise]