7 MP3 Audio clips from Roxanne (1987)

PLAY ALL 7 CLIPS

Clip 1

Charlie has rescued a naked Roxanne who'd locked herself out of her house. And he's prepared a little supper for them both. Not bad for a first meeting!

Roxanne

Maybe you'd like some wine with your nose.

[Realising her mistake]

Cheese!

Charlie

Wine will be fine.

Clip 2

Dixie and Roxanne are sitting at the bar discussing relationships. It seems that Roxanne's is firmly on the rocks. Like her drink.

Dixie

Hey, what about your boyfriend? What's his name?

Roxanne

Richard.

Dixie

When's he coming?

Roxanne

He's not. He's not coming.

Dixie

What happened?

Roxanne

We just ran out of gas. I guess I mistook sex for love.

Sandy

Oh, I did that once. It was great!

Clip 3

Chuck hits on women. It's what he does. He thinks being a firefighter makes him God's gift. But he's 5'3" tall and balding. Oh and he sells dead animals. What a keeper!

Chuck

You are feisty! I like that. I do.

Roxanne

I'm sorry. I just have to stop talking right now.

Chuck

Hey, well that's okay... that's okay. No problem. Tell you what. I'll be right over there, okay? And you can start thinking about it and, uh... if you change you mind just come on over. I think you might.

Roxanne

Well if I do change my mind you'll know because my breasts will be heaving and moist with perspiration!

Clip 4

Charlie has climbed onto the roof of a house to talk a young boy down. And he's doing so well until he underestimates the situation. Slightly.

Charlie

Hey, what's the trouble, Peter? Come on. What's the matter?

Peter

They call me Porky at school.

Charlie

Why do they have to do that, goddammit? Did you talk to your mother about it?

Peter

Once I tried but she said I had to clean up my plate first.

Charlie

[Thinking that PETER is joking]

Now, see? That's good. You're way better than these guys who make fun of you. You're smart and you're funny. You can make things up.

Peter

I didn't make it up. It's true.

Charlie

Oh.

Clip 5

Charlie has helped Roxanne to carry a massive telescope on to the decking. She's let him in on her secret. She thinks she's discovered a new comet.

Charlie

So, uh... what do you get if you're right?

Roxanne

Nothing. Well, I'd graduate. That's for sure. And I get to name it.

Charlie

Well, that's pretty good. Sort of, uh... historical.

Roxanne

Yeah. Comet Kowalski.

Charlie

Kowalski? Why? You've got a chance to give it a beautiful name.

Roxanne

That's my name.

Charlie

It is? Roxanne Kowalski?

Roxanne

Yeah.

Charlie

Oh.

[Laughs awkwardly]

Sorry.

Clip 6

Everyone's warned Chris about his Chief's nose. But this is the most precise warning yet. A full breakdown of how that first glance is going to go down. And I do mean down!

Jerry

Hey, you meet C.D. yet?

Chris

The Chief? No. Not yet.

Trent

Uh, there's, uh... a little something you should know.

Chris

I know, he's got a big nose, right?

Trent

And man? Whatever you do, don't stare.

Chris

Look, I'm not going to stare. Come on.

Trent

None of us would. But you get there and you feel yourself not staring. Then you think it's obvious I'm not staring. So you look. And you think, "I'm staring." So you say this is ridiculous and you take a good look. And you think, "I'm looking at a man who when he washes his face, loses the bar of soap!"

Clip 7

In order to show up an idiot in the bar who called him "Big Nose", Charlie proves that there are many, MANY funnier things that he could have said instead.

Charlie

Obvious: "Excuse me, is that you nose or did a bus park on your face?"

Meteorological: "Everybody take cover... she's going to blow!"

Fashionable: "You know, you could de-emphasise your nose if you wore something larger. Like Wyoming!"

Personal: "Well, here we are. Just the three of us!"

Punctual: "All right, Delman. Your nose was on time but you were fifteen minutes late."

Envious: "Ooooh, I wish I were you. Gosh... to be able to smell your own ear!"

Naughty: "Uh, pardon me, sir. Some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away!"

Philosophical: "You know... it's not the size of a nose that's important. It's what's in it that matters!"

Humorous: "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze and it's goodbye Seattle!"

Commercial: "Hi! I'm Earl Scheib and I can paint that nose for $39.95!"

Polite: "Uh, would you mind not bobbing your head? The, uh... orchestra keeps changing tempo!"

Melodic: "He's got the whole World in his nose!"

Sympathetic: "Oh, what happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?"

Complimentary: "You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on!"

Scientific: "Say, does that thing there influence the tides?"

Obscure: "Oh! I'd hate to see the grindstone!"

Inquiring: "When you stop and smell the flowers.. are they afraid?"

French: "Say, ze pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave!"

Pornographic: "Finally... a man who can satisfy two women at once."

Religious: "The Lord giveth... and he just kept on giving, didn't he?!"

Disgusting: "Sir, who mows your nose hair?"

Paranoid: "Keep that guy away from my cocaine!"

Aromatic: "It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee... in Brazil!"

Appreciative: "Ooh, how original... most people just have their teeth capped."

Dirty: "Your name wouldn't be... Dick, would it?