6 MP3 Audio clips from Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000)

PLAY ALL 6 CLIPS

Clip 1

Why can the Klumps not enjoy a single meal without conflict, mainly between Papa Klump and Grandma Klump who love to hate each other.

Papa Klump

I ain't no old man.

Grandma Klump

You is a old man!

[She rides into shot on her mobility scooter and collides both with the table and ERNIE'S foot]

Ernie Klump

Ah sh*t, Grandma! What's wrong with you?

Papa Klump

Well, if it isn't the Alzheimer's Express right on schedule!

Mama Klump

Stop that! Hi, Mama.

Ernie Klump

She drove right on my bunion.

Grandma Klump

Y'all have to excuse me for being late...

Ernie Klump

If you weren't my grandmother, boy... if you weren't my grandmother!

Grandma Klump

...Me and Isaac started getting kinda frisky in the car. Yeah. Had to give him a little appetiser.

Mama Klump

Ooh, Mama.

Papa Klump

Lillian, I just lost my damn appetite.

Mama Klump

Oh, Mama, your dress is undone. Let me zip you up.

Papa Klump

Hurry. Zip her up in the back before she starts looking like one of them Zulu hags on the cover of National Geographic.

Mama Klump

Cletus, what's wrong with you ? That's my mother.

Papa Klump

Like that movie, Shaka Zulu.

Grandma Klump

You know something, Cletus? Come on. Come on right now, Cletus! I'm gonna tell you something. I got a razor in this bag.

Papa Klump

Oh, yeah? l'll tell you what. That ain't even no bag in your hand. That's your titty.

Mama Klump

Cletus! Oh, Jesus !

Papa Klump

She's an old bag with old bag titties.

Clip 2

Sherman loves Denise. So much that he hires a Mariachi band to serenade her. Which is going just great until Buddy makes an unwelcome appearance.

Sherman

Denise? I have something that I want to ask you.

Mariachi Band

[Singing]

He wants to ask you...

Sherman

Denise? Denise Gains?

Denise

Yes, Sherman?

Sherman

Denise, will you...

Neighbour

Well, ask her!

Sherman

Denise, will you...

Buddy Love

[Speaking inside SHERMAN'S head]

Hey Sherman. You hear me Sherman?

Sherman

Denise will you... will you... let me come up there and put my beef in your taco?

Mariachi Band

[Singing]

Put the beef in your taco.

Denise

What?

[BUDDY LOVE is heard laughing hysterically]

Sherman

No, no, no, no. That's not what I meant to say, Denise. That was a little joke. That was a little joke. I wanted to see if you wanted to go out and get some Mexican food. That's what I said there.

Denise

Well, I am kind of hungry but...

Sherman

Yeah you are, huh? Well I bet you could stand for a big old Whopper right now, huh?

Mariachi Band

[Singing]

A big old Whopper right now.

Neighbour

You're sick!

Sherman

I gotta tell you, I'm a Jumbo Jack man myself, you know what I mean? And I'm loaded with secret sauce. Yeah, come on!

Clip 3

Buddy is meeting with Leanne Guilford, President of Acquisitions for Phleer Pharmaceuticals. Buddy is genetically derived from a dog. Which explains... this.

Leanne Guildford

Leanne Guilford. President of Acquisitions.

Buddy

Buddy Love, President of Love Industries.

[He begins frantically sniffing the air like a dog]

Leanne Guildford

Allergies?

Buddy

No. Do you have a dog?

Leanne Guildford

Yes, I do. A Yorkie.

Buddy

Oh.

Leanne Guildford

She's driving me crazy right now.

Buddy

B**ch.

Leanne Guildford

Excuse me?

Buddy

It's a female dog that you have, and she's in heat, right?

Leanne Guildford

Yes. How did you know that?

Buddy

Let's just say I have a sixth sense about those things.

[He picks up a photograph of a Yorkshire Terrier laying on it's back]

Is this her?

Leanne Guildford

Yeah, little Courtney.

Buddy

[Clearly aroused]

Ooooooh. Nasty!

Clip 4

Long story short? Dean Richmond has been anally raped by a giant mutant hamster. He's not happy about it. Not happy at all. And he blames Sherman. Completely.

Sherman

Oh... Dean. I'm just trying to figure out what went wrong here. I just don't understand. It must have been some sort of contaminant or something...

Dean Richmond

You know the deal with Phleer is off? I just spoke to Leanne Guildford. But that doesn't bother me. After all, what's a hundred and fifty million dollars? Deals will come and deals will go. Wellman will always be Wellman. But I'll tell you what does bother me. On the way over here, a cute little boy pointed me and said, "Oh look, Mommy. There goes the hamster's B**CH!"

Clip 5

Sherman and Dean Richmond have arrived just in time for Sherman to re-absorb Buddy Love and regain his intelligence. Which he TRIES to explain.

Sherman

Wait! Wait! I'm sorry to interrupt, ladies and gentlemen but I cannot go on living unless I have this man inside me right now.

Dean Richmond

Steady, Sailor!

Clip 6

Buddy Love has been turned into the infant version of himself. One side-effect of this is that all of his clothes have fallen off and he's now standing on the boardroom table stark naked.

Baby Buddy

What the hell are YOU looking at? This is an impressive package for a toddler!