6 MP3 Audio clips from Zoolander (2001)

PLAY ALL 6 CLIPS

Clip 1

Matilda is a journalist with Time Magazine and she's interviewing Derek Zoolander about his looks, his inspiration and his latest pose... Magnum.

Matilda

Derek, I just have a few more questions if that's okay.

Derek

Cool.

Matilda

So when did you know you wanted to be a model?

Derek

Hmm. I guess it would have to be the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in the spoon when I was eating my cereal and I remember thinking, "Wow! You're ridiculously good looking. Maybe you could do that for a career?"

Matilda

Do what?

Derek

Be professionally good looking!

Clip 2

Derek Zoolander has just given a eulogy. A EULOGY. After the funeral of his friends, Matilda catches up with him and tries to enlist his help in getting to Mugatu.

Matilda

Derek? Derek! Hey!

Derek

What do you want?

Matilda

Actually I'm trying to talk to Mugatu but he's tougher to get to than the President.

Derek

Oh. Thought you were going to tell me what a bad Eugoogalizer I am.

Matilda

A what?

Derek

[Sighs] A Eugoogalizer? One who speaks at funerals? Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a Eugooglia was?

Matilda

[Clears her throat]

Clip 3

Derek has announced his retirement. He wants to set up some form of charity for "kids who don't read so good." But his agent has other ideas.

Maury Ballstein

Mugatu wants you for his new campaign.

Derek

Didn't you hear me, Maury? I just retired.

Maury Ballstein

But this is Mugatu, Derek. Right now this guy is so hot, he can take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple of fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings!

Clip 4

Maury is full-on Hollywood. He's balls-deep in Hollywood. He's happy to dispense unsolicited and unwarranted advice on a woman's body without any shame whatsoever. THAT'S how Hollywood he is.

Matilda

What about Mugatu's exploitation of sweat shop workers in Malaysia? Do you have an opinion on that?

Maury Ballstein

Want to hear an opinion? With a push-up bra you could actually have a nice rack of lamb going on up there.

Clip 5

Mugatu's new fashion line is Derelicte, inspired by the homeless. I guess everyone needs to find a little inspiration somewhere. Not sure that this is suitable inspiration for a fashion launch though.

Mugatu

Let me show you the future of fashion. Let me... show you... DERELICTE! It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.

Clip 6

The animosity between Derek and Hansel has reached new heights. Derek can't help but boast about his campaign for Mugatu. Hansel, frankly, doesn't give a sh*t.

Derek

I'm real sorry you didn't get Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. Maybe next time.

Hansel

What's that?

Derek

Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. Sorry you didn't book it.

Hansel

Oh yeah? I've never even heard of it. Me and my friends have been too busy bathing off the southern coast of St. Barts with Spider Monkies for the past two weeks. Trippin' on acid changed our whole perspective on sh*t. So I guess, uh... I guess you can Derelick my balls, Capitán!

Derek

I can Derelick my own balls, thank you very much.