10 MP3 Audio clips from Fletch (1985)

PLAY ALL 10 CLIPS

Clip 1

Alan Stanwyk has been watching Fletch. He has a proposition for him. A positively indecent proposal. But nothing sexual. No. More murderous.

Alan Stanwyk

I'll give you a thousand dollars cash.

Fletch

What?

Alan Stanwyk

Just to come to my house and listen to the proposition. If you reject the proposition, you keep the thousand. And your mouth shut.

Fletch

Does this proposition entail my dressing up as Little Bo Peep?

Clip 2

The lengths that Fletch will go to in order to gain information. He's faked renal pain just to speak to Alan Stanwyk's doctor.

Dr. Dolan

Drop your shorts and bend over, Mr. Babar.

[He's donning latex examination gloves and applying petroleum jelly to the fingers in preparation for a prostate check]

Fletch

Oh no, really, uh... we... we don't need to. I've, uh... we don't wanna do that. So, you know my kidneys feel a lot better in this position. Maybe it's just that I'm not doing any callisthenics. You know, if I did some sit-ups in the morning or bend over like this I'd probably feel a hundred percent b...

[He begins to sing]

Moon River! Phew! Thank you, Doc. You ever serve time?

Dr. Dolan

Breathe easy.

Fletch

[Incredulously]

Breathe easy. You know, I was surprised that Alan was able to get that, uh... policy... as a matter of fact... AH! Uh, you using the whole fist, Doc?

Dr. Dolan

Just relax.

Clip 3

Fletch is meeting with Alan Stanwyk's unsuspecting wife at a lawn tennis club. He has to come up with a pseudonym. He's not good at that. Not good at it at all.

Fletch

John Coxtolstoy.

Gail Stanwyk

[Laughs]

It's a beautiful name.

Fletch

Well it's Scotch Romanian.

Gail Stanwyk

That's an odd combination.

Fletch

Yeah, well so are my parents.

Clip 4

Fletch is having to pay alimony to his ex-wife. Her lawyer calls around to collect. He grudgingly hands over the $1000 that Stanwyk gave him.

Fletch

That's a thousand dollars. You apply the difference to next month, okay? Now scram.

Lawyer

'Til then.

Fletch

Yeah. Keep ten for yourself. Go out and get yourself a nice piece of ass.

Clip 5

Fletch has just broken into and then escaped from a realtor's office in Utah chased by a very large Doberman dog which is now atop his car.

Fletch

[Photographing the dog through the winscreen]

C'mon, smile. Say "Flesh!" Oh!

[He points through the rear window of the car]

Defenceless babies!

[In a pure Scooby Doo moment, the dog's bark sounds strangely human]

Dog

WHAT?!

[As the dog jumps down, FLETCH drives off]

Fletch

Fell for the oldest trick in the book!

Clip 6

Fletch is ambushed in his hotel room by two cops who've lain in wait for his arrival back.

Cop 1

Surprise! Police. Spread 'em.

[He begins to pat FLETCH down]

You got a gun, creep?

Fletch

Shamu's got one. Borrow his.

Cop 1

What have we here?

Fletch

It's my d*ck.

Cop 1

Oh... funny boy. What have we here?

[The COP drops a small bag of white powder on the floor at FLETCH'S feet]

Cop 2

Looks like heroin, Gene.

Fletch

Hey, you just planted that.

Cop 1

What'd you say?

Fletch

You fellas wanna read me my rights?

Cop 1

You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to have your face kicked in by me. You have the right to have your balls stomped by him.

Cop 2

[Pouts at Fletch]

Fletch

I'll waive my rights.

Clip 7

Fletch has been taken down town and is being booked in on a trumped-up charge of Possession of Narcotics.

Desk Sergent

What's the booking, gentlemen?

Cop 1

Possession of narcotics. And the Chief wants to talk to him.

Desk Sergeant

Oh yeah? You'll like Chief Karlin. He's a nice man.

Fletch

Yeah, I heard he's mellowed out a lot since he came out of the closet.

Desk Sergeant

[To COP 1]

You'd better take his picture while he still has a face.

Clip 8

Chief Karlin needs to speak to Fletch alone. Because he's in it up to his eyeballs and he doesn't want witnesses.

Chief Karlin

Officers, uh... could you excuse us for a few moments?

Fletch

Yeah why don't you guys go down to the gym and pump each other?

Clip 9

As bad chat-up lines go, this one is right up there with "Get in the van!" and "Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?"

Fletch

Why don't we both relax and go in there and lie down and, uh... I'll fill you in.

Clip 10

It's the old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back again, boy offers to take girl to a Laker game, girl isn't keen.

Fletch

That's... the sort of... see the thing is we haven't really dated formally. I always take my first dates to a Laker game.

Gail Stanwyk

I don't want to go to a Laker game. I don't like Basketball.

Fletch

Well maybe that's because you don't understand Basketball. You haven't been schooled in the fundamentals. Pick and roll.

Gail Stanwyk

[Laughs]

That sounds like a fast food chain.

Fletch

Or... Reverse Stuff.

Gail Stanwyk

Now that I've done.

Fletch

I'll bet you have, you little vixen!