There's a long queue for Santa at the Mall. A queue which Kumar jumps straight to the front of in order to ask Santa for a "special present", one which Santa keeps in the trunk of his car.
Who's next to...
Kumar, no... Merry...
Woman in queue
Back of the line, Tech Support!
C'mon, is this a joke?
Hold the fu*k on, Reba. Your son can rub his ass on Santa's c*ck in a minute.
Santa has come up with the goods. He's got quite a selection of "horticultural" gifts in the trunk of his car.
Okay. On the menu today we have... Winter Wonderweed. We have Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer. Oh, It's A Weederful Life.
Oh gosh, does everything have to be about Christmas?
Hey, some people like the holidays. I mean, I had some Hanukkah Hash but the kids from Temple Sholom Emanu-El cleaned me out.
Vanessa has got some important news to impart. If only Kumar can put his bong down long enough to hear it!
Kumar, I... really need to talk to you.
[Draws on a bong, the liquid is heard bubbling as he inhales]
pregnant? We... we practised safe sex. I mean, I pulled out and came on your back. Maybe a couple squeaks got by but is that all it takes?
Yes! That's all it takes. No wonder you flunked out of Med. School.
Hey, I didn't flunk out of Med. School. I failed a drug test.
Todd may be a father. He may be relatively responsible. But he has no idea how to diffuse a situation. He gets completely flustered. As this example demonstrates.
Hey, how you doin'? I'm Latrell.
This here's my partner in crime, Lamar.
So you two
own this tree lot?
Yeah, what... a couple of brothers can't sell trees? Only swinging from 'em like monkeys, YOU HONKY?!
What? No. Course not. You could do both!
Ava (Todd's two-year-old daughter) has so far inhaled marijuana smoke and ingested cocaine. And it's not even midnight. Todd is at the end of his tether.
OKAY. LISTEN UP! PARTY'S OVER BECAUSE MY BABY... IS
FU*KED ON COCAINE.
Harold and Kumar are planning to steal a 12 foot Christmas tree from the cathedral where midnight mass is about to take place.
What back room?
The back room that all the priests are guarding... Roldy, am I going too fast for you?
Okay, good 'cos you're gonna be the one who's in charge of distracting them.
How the hell do I do that?
[Cut to montage of plan being executed]
Easy. You'll just use our secret weapon.
[Dressed as an altar boy, clutching a pillow]
Pillow fight in the altar boy's room. Last one there's a rotten egg.
[Priests begin chasing NOAH through the corridors, feathers flying everywhere]
Neil Patrick Harris returns as himself for a third time (yes, resurrected by God himself having been murdered in the last movie) and he's still chasing the ladies.
Still doesn't explain the gay thing.
You're not gay, mother fu*ker.
Neil Patrick Harris
Yeah, that's a little something we magicians like to call misdirection. A little trick I learned from my pal Clay Aiken.
Clay Aiken's not gay?
Neil Patrick Harris
Are you kidding? Clay's the biggest coozehound I know. That guy gets mad gash.
An unlikely hero, Waffle Bot has just saved Harold & Kumar from being burned alive. But his battery is low.
Thanks, Waffle Bot.
You're welcome, Kumar. Pancakes are... fu*king...gayyyyyy!
Santa (yes, the
real Santa) has given Harold & Kumar a lift home. He has some passing words for Harold.
Well I guess this is goodbye, Roldy. Be a good boy next year.
No more jerking off into a sock filled with baby powder.
Don't worry. I'm just teasing you. I do it, too.