10 MP3 Audio clips from Bad Teacher (2011)

PLAY ALL 10 CLIPS

Clip 1

Elizabeth has found herself a sugar daddy. She's rolled on home from the teaching job she's just quit and decides to give him a little pre-marital loving.

Elizabeth

[Shouting]

Baby doll? I'm home.

Mark

In here.

Elizabeth

[Walking towards his voice]

Get yourself hard 'cos I'm gonna suck your d*ck like I'm mad at it.

[ELIZABETH walks into the room to discover that MARK isn't alone]

Oh! Look! Your mom's here. Hi, Mom!

Clip 2

It's a nightmare when your mother doesn't like your fiancée. But in Mark's case, his mother has a perfectly valid reason for detesting Elizabeth.

Mark's Mom

You truly love my son?

Elizabeth

I love him so much it hurts.

Mark's Mom

All right then. When is his birthday?

Elizabeth

I'm not... you know... that is just offensive that you would even ask me that.

Mark's Mom

It's today.

Elizabeth

I know! God! That's why I got you... this.

[She hands MARK the voucher she'd received from the faculty upon leaving her job]

Okay? Honey... happy birthday!

Mark

[Surprised]

Boston Market?

Elizabeth

And I was going to suck his d*ck. So two presents.

Clip 3

Elizabeth has been enjoying an evening with what she believed to be an eligible and wealthy bachelor. But then he tells her what he plans to do with his life.

Elizabeth

An Occupational Therapist? Do I look like I wanna marry a fu*king Occupational Therapist?!

Clip 4

Russell has eyes for Elizabeth and now that she's returned unexpectedly to the school, he's decided to make his move. Relentlessly.

Russell

Elizabeth. Hey! Russell. Russell Gettis, gym teacher. We did bus duty together last spring.

Elizabeth

Yeah.

Russell

So I heard about the whole engagement thing. That blows.

Elizabeth

D'you know I walked in on him trying to fu*k his dog? Peanut butter everywhere.

Russell

That's gross.

Clip 5

Amy's short of friends and is keen to become BFF with Elizabeth. But Elizabeth misunderstands Amy's approach to this and assumes that she wants to... well, you know.

Amy

Actually I was really hoping we could be more than just "across the hall mates".

Elizabeth

I don't know what you heard... but I don't eat muff pie.

Clip 6

Amy has some bad news for the Principal about Elizabeth. She needs to get him alone to talk. What better place than the gents when he's sat on the toilet?

Wally

This is ridiculous! This is the one place in this building where I'm allowed to be alone with my thoughts. We are done here.

Amy

All righty! Have a super awesome day, you two.

[She storms out]

[From the adjoining cubicle erupts the soundtrack of explosive diarrhoea]

Neighbour

Holy fu*k! I thought she was never gonna leave!

Clip 7

Sasha has caught her teacher smoking marijuana in her car. She's given Elizabeth a tin of cookies and even then, Elizabeth can't help but say something offensive.

Elizabeth

Listen. Word to the wise. Stop dressing like you're running for congress.

Sasha

I don't wanna run for Congress. I wanna be President.

Elizabeth

See? That's what I'm talking about. Keep saying sh*t like that and you're gonna get punched.

Clip 8

Elizabeth has to try to dissuade Scott from dating Amy. And so Elizabeth decides to tell him that Amy is gay.

Elizabeth

I don't think that you're Amy's type.

Scott

Really?

Elizabeth

Yeah.

Scott

We always seem so... I dunno... simpatico.

Elizabeth

How do I put this politely? She's a lesbian. She hates c*ck.

Clip 9

Elizabeth is counselling one of her students who's besotted with a girl in his class but can't get close to her.

Elizabeth

A kid who wears the same gymnastics sweatshirt three days a week isn't getting laid until he's twenty-nine. That's what I know.

Kid

This sweatshirt was my Dad's. It's all he left me... when he left me.

Elizabeth

There's a reason he didn't pack it.

Clip 10

There's no love loss between Amy and Elizabeth and when Amy boasts about her relationship with Scott, Elizabeth can't help herself.

Amy

You're not seeing anyone now, right?

Elizabeth

Got my eye on someone but he's dating a major c*nt.