9 MP3 Audio clips from Meet the Parents (2000)

PLAY ALL 9 CLIPS

Clip 1

It's that all-important first meeting. An ice breaker is required. Dina thinks she has just the thing. Greg's most unusual last name.

Dina

Now, Greg. You have a very unusual last name. Uh, and we were curious, uh, h... how do you pronounce it?

Greg

Oh, just like it's spelled. F-O-C-K-E-R.

Dina

Focker.

Jack

Hmm. Focker. Hmm.

Clip 2

Long story short, Greg has had to come up with an explanation for reading an article on breast pumps in the drug store lot. That lie is about to come back to haunt him.

Jack

But he told me he grew up on a farm.

Greg

Mmm. I didn't actually grow up... in a farm... per se. The house that we grew up in was originally erected in the Dutch farm... colonial... style. So, that plus we had a lot of pets.

Jack

Which one did you milk, then?

Pam

Dad!

Jack

Honey, he said he'd pumped milk.

Pam

What have you ever milked?

Greg

Cat.

Dina

A cat?

Greg

I milked a cat once.

Dina

I.. had, I had no idea you could milk a cat.

Greg

Oh, yeah. You can milk anything with nipples.

Jack

I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?!

Clip 3

The evening has been a disaster. It couldn't have been any worse. And Greg is about to provide just a few of the highlights for you.

Pam

Greg, sweetie... how you doin'?

Greg

Oh... just fine. Considering I desecrated your grandmother's remains, found out you were engaged and had your father ask me to milk him. But at least back then he was talking to me, so...

Clip 4

Pam and Greg are getting down to it in her bedroom. A little kissing leads to strong desires. Desires that nothing, NOTHING can extinguish. Well, almost nothing.

Greg

Speaking... of growing to love you.

Pam

Honey, it's a little late.

Greg

I know it's late but Mr. Winky is still on Chicago time. And we both know there's only one way to make Mr. Winky go away, right?

[JACK BYRNE knocks loudly on PAM'S bedroom door]

And there it is!

Clip 5

Funny how at times something will just hit you. A bolt out of the blue. Something you never thought about before. Like how Pam's middle name isn't terribly compatible with Greg's last name.

Jack

Oh, Jeez, I just realised something.

Dina

What?

Jack

Pam's middle name.

Dina

Martha.

[There's a long pause]

Oh no.

[In unison]

Jack & Dina

Pamela Martha Focker.

Clip 6

There's nothing capable of ruining a beautiful wedding more than an overflowing septic tank and a perfectly manicured lawn awash with human waste. Right, Jack?

Deborah

Oh my God.

Bob

What is that smell?

Jack

That smell, Bob is our sh*t. Focker flushed the toilet in the den so the septic tank is overflowing.

Greg

Jack, I told you. It wasn't me. It was Jinx.

Jack

Focker, I'm not going to tell you again. Jinx cannot flush the toilet. He's a cat for Christ's sake.

Larry

The animal doesn't even have thumbs, Focker!

Clip 7

Jinx is missing. We won't play the blame game here but let's just say that it was Greg's fault. Jack doesn't know that yet but he's willing to take a punt on the fact.

Pam

Jinx isn't up here.

Dina

Yeah, none of the neighbours have seen him either.

Jack

[To GREG]

You tried to milk him, didn't you, you sick son of a b**ch?

Clip 8

An American Airlines employee has finally returned Greg's missing suitcase. His unusual first name is about to become common knowledge among his fiancée's family.

Driver

Gaylord M. Focker?

Greg

Yeah.

Jack

I thought your name was Greg?

Greg

It is.

Driver

That's not what it says on the form.

Greg

I know. It's my legal name. Nobody's called me by it since I was in third grade.

Denny

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... so your name's Gay Focker?

Clip 9

Greg is in mid-rant on the aircraft having been told by a Stewardess that owing to its size, his carry-on bag must be checked. He's not having any of it.

Greg

...and the only way that I would ever let go of my bag would be if you came over here right now and tried to pry it from my dead, lifeless fingers. Okay? If you can get it from my kung-fu grip, then you can come and have it. Okay? Otherwise, step off, b**ch!

[Cut to departure gate, GREG being manhandled off the jet bridge by two POLICE OFFICERS]