9 MP3 Audio clips from Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear (1991)

PLAY ALL 9 CLIPS

Clip 1

Jane is a material witness to a terrorist attack. She is also Frank's ex-girlfriend. He's asking her some questions.

Frank

Uh, Jane... what can you tell me about this man you saw last night?

Jane

Uh, he's Caucasian...

Frank

Caucasian?

Jane

Yeah, you know... a white guy. With a moustache, about six foot three...

Frank

An awfully big moustache.

Clip 2

Jane's new beau is Quentin Hapsburg. He's rich, charming and very much into Jane. If you know what I mean...

Frank

Are you in some way connected with the institute?

Quentin Hapsburg

Well, not officially but as a matter of fact, Jane and I have been seeing quite a lot of each other lately. How's my little Hellcat?

Jane

[Giggles awkwardly]

Frank

Well, that's great. I... I've been dating too. Nice girl. An author. She wrote the book on male sexual dysfunction. You've probably read it.

Quentin Hapsburg

I beg your pardon?

Jane

Frank, please.

Frank

Oh it's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely. Just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mister Poopy Pants?

Clip 3

Jane and Frank have met unexpectedly at The Blue Note... a bar for the clinically depressed. It's just like old times. And Sam is the pianist.

Jane

Sam? Play our song. Just one more time.

Sam

Of course.

[SAM plays the first note and then breaks into a surprising rendition of a certain song]

DING, DONG, THE WITCH IS DEAD, WHICH OLD WITCH? THE WICKED WITCH. DING, DONG, THE WITCH IS DEAD...

Frank

Uh, SAM! Sam. That's enough.

Clip 4

The chance encounter has not ended well. Jane realises that it was a mistake and that her feelings towards Frank are a waste of her energy.

Jane

I'd better go. This was a mistake. I don't even know why I came here. I was hoping you'd be happy. That you'd have someone.

Frank

[Loud enough for the entire bar to hear]

I'm single. I... I love being single. I haven't had this much sex since I was a boy scout leader.

[The music stops and patrons turn aghast towards FRANK]

Clip 5

A wallet has been found pointing towards Hector Savage being the bomber. That name rings a bell for Frank.

Frank

Hector Savage from Detroit. Yeah, I remember this pug. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.

Ed

Oh yeah... he fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.

Nordberg

Hey, I saw Kid Minneapolis fighting once. In Cincinnati.

Frank

No, you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.

Ed

He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know... the Arizona Assassin?

Nordberg

Yeah... from Dakota. I don't remember if it was North or South.

Frank

North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.

Ed

You sure know your boxing.

Frank

Well, all I know is never bet on the white guy.

Clip 6

Now that they know WHO Hector Savage is, they need to know WHERE he is. Frank asks Ed if there happens to be an address in Hector's discarded wallet.

Frank

You got an address in there?

Ed

All I've got is a card that says Monique DeCarlo, 210 Bleckmann Street.

Frank

That's the red light district. Wonder why Savage is hanging out down there.

Ed

Sex, Frank?

Frank

Uh. No. Not right now, Ed. We've got work to do.

Clip 7

Frank and Ed have entered a sex shop linked to Hector Savage with the intention of asking some questions of the staff.

Frank

Lieutenant Frank Drebin, Police Squad. This is my Captain, Ed Hocken.

Shop Assistant

Is this some kind of bust?

Frank

[Thinking she means her cleavage]

Well, it's very impressive, yes. But we need to ask you a few questions.

Clip 8

The interrogation at the sex shop continues. But things are about to take an unexpected and decidedly sleazy turn.

Frank

We're looking for a Hector Savage. Now where is he?

Sex Shop Assistant

And why should I tell you, Copper?

Frank

Because I'm the last line of defence between sleaze like this and the decent people in this town.

[A man steps out from the store-room carrying a box of sex toys]

Man

Oh, hey, Frank. Say, we got that Model D-83 Swedish Sure-Grip Suck Machine in that you ordered.

Clip 9

Dr. Meinheimer has sent his audience to sleep and a bomb is about to go off. Ed hands him something a little more "exciting" to read aloud.

Ed

Here. Read this. It's an emergency.

Dr. Meinheimer

"His strong, manly hands probed every crevice of her silken femininity, their undulating bodies writhing in a sensual rhythm as he thrust his purple-headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding."