11 MP3 Audio clips from That's My Boy (2012)

PLAY ALL 11 CLIPS

Clip 1

Donny has a crush on his teacher, Ms. McGarricle and decides to make the first (admittedly crude) move.

Young Donny

Hey, Mary. I've got two tickets to Van Halen this weekend. What time should I pick you up?

Ms. McGarricle

It's MISS McGarricle, Donny and that's cute but I am your teacher, not your girlfriend.

Young Donny

Woah, Miss McGarricle... who said anything about girlfriends? Let's just start with a summer fling, couple of handjobs, no expectations. Don't get all psycho on me right away.

Ms. McGarricle

That is a month's detention.

Clip 2

Ms. McGarricle has shown no remorse for her actions and has received the maximum sentence for her crimes. Donny's father has been awarded sole custody of their unborn child.

Ms. McGarricle

Take care of our baby, Donny.

Young Donny

MISS McGARRICLE, I'LL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU.

Judge

That is just fu*king mental.

Clip 3

Todd is meeting his brother-in-law for the first time. The meeting isn't going so well, to be honest.

Chad

Look, if you ever do anything to hurt my sister, I will take my government-issued service revolver, stick it straight up your fu*king poop-chute and empty the clip. Do you feel me?

Todd

Yes. Totally... feel you.

Clip 4

Donny isn't the most appropriate person in the world in social situations. When Phil awkwardly asks him for an autograph, Donny misreads the situation completely.

Phil

Hey, look... this might seem weird but do you think you would ever...

Donny

Bone your wife? Yeah, I mean I'd love to. She's a hot little... number.

Phil

Well, you know, I was just gonna ask you for an autograph, but...

Donny

Oh, oh I'm sorry. On her tits or...

Phil

Or a piece of paper would be fine.

Phil's Wife

Photo...

Clip 5

Donny has joined Todd's bachelor party which Phil has arranged with a local spa. When he's given a drink, he wrongly assumes that it's a shot of some description.

[DONNY spits out a mouthful of the drink he's just been given]

Donny

What the fu*k IS this?

Mrs. Ravensdale

It's water infused with cucumber, rose petal and harvest sandalwood.

Donny

It tastes like fu*king d*ck infused with balls and a side of fu*king Rod Stewart's jizz.

Clip 6

And it gets worse. Donny thinks that the health spa is some kind of knocking shop and that the staff are willing to provide titillation and pleasure that's not on the menu.

Donny

Unless, uh, Mrs. Ravensdale you wanna whip them knockers out. We'd love to see 'em.

Mrs. Ravensdale

All right, you know what? You are an imbecilic, immature, asinine, childish, caveman-like, hairy-knuckled, single-chromosomal, obnoxious, uneducated, ignorant a**hole who I would like to fu*k hard and long.

Donny

So, I'm gonna go put a dent in that... you guys get that green jizz off your face. I'll be back in twenty.

Clip 7

Perhaps predictably, Donny drags the other "bachelors" to his favourite strip joint where a very voluptuous dancer named Champale is eager to meet them. Phil is first to introduce himself.

Phil

Hello. I'm Phil. I'm married with four children and I've actually only seen three vaginas in my entire life. My wife's, my baby's and my aunt's once by accident on the back of a tandem bike.

Champale

[CHAMPALE exposes her "lady garden" to PHIL]

Well, here's number four, baby!

Phil

I'm gonna count that as numbers four AND five.

Clip 8

Todd is visiting his mother in jail, unaware that a TV crew are filming the whole thing for $50K. When he finds out, he's not best pleased.

Todd

Wait. So you're telling me if I give you forty-three grand, you don't have to go to jail.

Donny

I will pay you back, I swear to God. Would you... would you loan me the money?

Todd

NO! FU*K YOU! GET YOUR SH*T OUT OF MY BOSSES HOUSE...

[A PRISON GUARD tasers TODD who falls to the floor]

Donny

No. Don't do that. That's my boy there.

[DONNY soils himself, noisily]

Todd

Oh, no...

Randall Morgan

I think he just sh*t his pants. Tell me you got that on camera...

Clip 9

Donny has just seen the unthinkable. Jamie (the bride to be) naked and riding her own brother in a hotel room.

Donny

Is it your... step-brother at least or uh, adopted or something?

[His question meets with awkward silence]

Donny

No reply. So it's real. Oh my God...

[He begins to retch]

Jamie

Uh, Donny, Donny... you don't understand what's going on here.

Donny

I don't think Charlie Sheen would understand what's going on here!

Clip 10

It's not getting any better. Any possibility that there's been a misunderstanding has gone. She really was humping her own brother.

Jamie

Yes, I... I've had sex with Chad from time-to-time...

[DONNY continues to retch uncontrollably]

... It's what good-looking people do. They have sex with other good-looking people. You know? Just so happens that this one particular good-looking person is my... little brother.

Donny

Oh, okay... It's all making sense to me now.

[DONNY turns and vomits loudly into a bowl]

Clip 11

Having told the entire congregation of the wedding of Jamie's incest, Chad decides to have it out with Donny there and then. But Father McNally isn't going to stand for it.

Chad

DONNY... I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

[CHAD charges towards DONNY and is knocked out with a bottle by FATHER McNALLY]

Donny

At ease... b**ch!