6 MP3 Audio clips from Zombieland (2009)

PLAY ALL 6 CLIPS

Clip 1

Columbus has hitched a ride with Tallahassee. The latter is laying down the ground-rules.

Tallahassee

Here's the deal, Columbus. Uh, I'm not easy to get along with and I'm sensing you're a bit of a b**ch. So, uh... I give this relationship 'til about Texarkana.

Columbus

Really? Yeah. You'll take me as far as Texarkana?

Tallahassee

You're a pappy little spit-fu*k aren't you?

Clip 2

If Columbus wants to survive the journey with his nose intact, he'd better straighten up and stop smart-mouthing Tallahassee.

Tallahassee

You know... you're like a penguin on the North Pole who hears the South Pole is really nice this time of year.

Columbus

There are no penguins on the North Pole.

Tallahassee

You wanna feel how hard I can punch?

Clip 3

Tallahassee and Columbus have walked into a deserted supermarket in search of Twinkies. Tallahassee has a unique style of killing zombies. And it all starts with a banjo.

[We hear TALLAHASSEE play the first sixteen chords of Deliverance on his banjo. In response, a zombie comes running towards him. TALLAHASSEE turns the banjo around, brandishing it by the neck as a weapon]

Tallahassee

You got a perty mouth!

[TALLAHASSEE hits the zombie full force in the head and then double-taps him to ensure that he's dead]

Clip 4

Tallahassee and Columbus have found a bright yellow Hummer. On the backseat are two bags loaded with heavy weaponry.

Tallahassee

Thank GOD for rednecks! This is a really big truck and these are really big guns!

[To celebrate, TALLAHASSEE fires an Uzi into the air]

Clip 5

For the second time, Tallahassee and Columbus have fallen into a trap. On this occasion, however, Columbus has become the hostage of a twelve-year-old, heavily-armed girl.

Tallahassee

Looks like they hoofed it. Probably headed West. Just drive slow and keep your eyes peeled.

[Something about the expression on COLUMBUS' face tells TALLAHASSEE that all is not well]

Tallahassee

They're in the back, aren't they?

Little Rock

[Appearing from the rear foot-well with a shotgun] Just me.

Tallahassee

Oh!

Columbus

I'm really sorry. She was like a crouching tiger.

Tallahassee

You got taken hostage by a twelve-year-old?

Columbus

Well, girls mature faster than boys. She's way ahead of where I was at that age.

Little Rock

Twelve's the new twenty. Gun, please.

Tallahassee

Like you would ever use that thing...

[LITTLE ROCK points the barrel of the shotgun up through the sun roof and pulls the trigger]

Tallahassee

[Terrified]

DON'T KILL ME WITH MY OWN GUN!

Clip 6

The four survivors have taken refuge in Beverly Hills. In the mansion of Bill Murray to be exact. They're all excited. Except Little Rock who doesn't know who Bill Murray is.

Tallahassee

Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to le mansion de Murray.

Columbus

Ha! Bill Murray.

Wichita

God, no way. This guy has a direct line to my funny bone. I mean...

Little Rock

W... w... wait. Who's Bill Murray?

Tallahassee

Yeah, I've never hit a kid before. All right, I mean, that's like asking who Ghandi is.

Little Rock

Who's Ghandi?

Wichita

She's twelve!