8 MP3 Audio clips from The Hangover (2009)

PLAY ALL 8 CLIPS

Clip 1

Sid, the father of the bride, gives his soon-to-be son-in-law some advice on the eve of his bachelor party.

Sid

Remember... what happens in Vegas, stays... in Vegas.

Doug

Ahhhhhhhhh!

[Laughs]

Sid

Except for herpes. That sh*t'll come back with you.

Clip 2

Prior to departing for Vegas (his wife thinks he's off to the Napa Valley) he tries to reassure her that he won't stray whilst away with the boys.

Stu

Why would I risk this? For... you know... a couple of minutes of some nineteen-year-old... hard body and a schoolgirl outfit? Why would I ever need, like...

Melissa

You're right. And if you ever do?

Stu

What?

Melissa

...I will fu*king kick your ass.

Clip 3

Stu has just called Melissa, blatantly lying about where he is and what's he's doing. Phil has heard enough and decides to intervene.

Phil

Don't you think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for three years and you still have to lie about going to Vegas?

Stu

Yeah, I do. But trust me. It's not worth the fight.

Phil

Oh... so you can't go to Vegas but she can fu*k a bell-hop on a Carnival Cruise line?

Stu

Okay... first of all, he was a bartender... AND she was wasted. And if you MUST know, he didn't even cum inside her.

Phil

And you believe that?

Stu

Uh, yeah, I do believe that because she's grossed out by semen.

Clip 4

The drive to Las Vegas gives the men some time to bond and set some ground-rules for the evening's festivities.

Doug

I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Alan.

Alan

Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're going to win. Counting cards is a fool-proof system.

Stu

It's also illegal.

Alan

It's not illegal. It's frowned upon like... masturbating on an airplane.

Phil

I'm pretty sure that's illegal, too.

Alan

Yeah, maybe after nine-eleven where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, Bin Laden.

Clip 5

Stu, Phil and Alan are hoping Doctor Valsh who treated Phil in the OR the previous evening might be able to shed some light on events.

Doctor Valsh

Okay, I hope this helps fellas. I really have to leave.

Phil

But you know the Best Little Chapel. You know where that is?

Doctor Valsh

I do. It's at the corner of Get A Map and Fu*k Off. I'm a doctor, not a tour guide.

Clip 6

Alan has just made an alarming confession. One that it pretty sure to drive Stu over the edge.

Stu

But it wasn't ecstasy, Alan. It was roofies.

Alan

You think I knew that, Stu? The guy I bought it from seemed like he was a real straight-shooter.

Stu

I'm sorry. You mean the drug dealer at the liquor store wasn't a good guy?

Phil

Let's just calm down.

Stu

You fu*king calm down. He drugged us. I lost a tooth. I married a whore.

Alan

How dare you! She's a nice lady.

Stu

You're such a fu*king moron.

Alan

You language is offensive.

Stu

Fu*k... YOU!

Clip 7

Stu has a habit of telling it like it is. Even when it's unlikely that it is as he thinks it is. Or is it?

Stu

Here's something I would like to remind you two of. Our best friend, Doug is probably face-down in a ditch right now with a meth-head butt-fu*king his corpse.

Clip 8

Stu and Melissa have had a row at Doug's wedding. Alan decides, especially considering her reputation, that now might be a good time to make a move.

Alan

It's a real pleasure meeting you.

Melissa

Fu*k off.

Alan

Thinking about getting my bartender's licence.

Melissa

Suck my d*ck.

Alan

No, thank you.