5 MP3 Audio clips from Blockers (2018)

PLAY ALL 5 CLIPS

Clip 1

Mitchell and Marcie are all alone. Well, save for their baby who's asleep. And that's a good thing because Mitchell's been through the laundry and found something to his liking!

Marcie

Oh, good, you did the laundry.

Mitchell

Yeah, and got a totally sleepy, happy baby. Full-blown Renaissance Man. Believe it, it's a good thing she's asleep, too. I was going through the laundry.

Marcie

Uh-huh.

Mitchell

Found these new thongs.

[He puts a pink thong over his face and crawls onto the bed]

Paging Dr. Muff Diver, Dr. Muff Diver you're needed in the O.R. immediately. Emergency surgery. Later on tonight, I'm tearing these off with my teeth like an old-school cartoon billy goat.

[He begins to eat the thong]

Marcie

Honey. Mitchell. Those are your daughter's.

[He spits them out]

Mitchell

No way. Kayla wears cleats and Bears jerseys, not some dirty stripper underwear.

Marcie

You thought they were mine.

Mitchell

What, am I giving her allowance in singles? Go tell her she can't wear these. Tell her they'll make her sterile like with the laptop and my brother's balls.

Marcie

We're not sure that's what happened with your brother. Honey, you're being ridiculous. Kayla's becoming a woman. This isn't the time to tighten your grip. It's the time to loosen it.

Mitchell

This? This means we tighten the grip. This isn't built for comfort. It's built for speed. We need to slow it the fu*k down.

Clip 2

The girls are preparing for Prom Night. Kayla has a little gift for Julie.

Kayla

Ooh! Okay, Julie.

Julie

What?

Kayla

I got you something.

[She holds up a plastic bag with white liquid in it]

It's coconut oil. For lube. I hear it works just as well and it makes blowjobs taste like Almond Joy.

Julie

[Sighs]

Thank God it doesn't taste like Mounds. I'd rather eat ten d*cks than one Mound.

Clip 3

Hunter is not popular. Divorced after being caught having sex with the babysitter, he makes an unexpected and unwelcome appearance at the pre-Prom party and an awkward conversation ensues.

Lisa

Actually, I heard if you spend a significant amount of time with your children that you develop some kind of like Telekinetic bond with them.

Mitchell

Is that true?

Lisa

I've heard, mm-hmm.

Hunter

I hope it's not true because if it is, Sam has been looking at a lot of Asian porn.

Lisa

[Laughs politely]

Clip 4

The concerned parents are intercepting a conversation between their daughters conducted entirely in Emojis. It doesn't look good.

Lisa

Okay.

Mitchell

Three eggplants? And look at the drool coming out of that smiley face.

Hunter

You wish that was drool, that's cum, my man.

Mitchell

Stand down!

Hunter

It is! Look, it's cum. He's like uurrrgggh!

Clip 5

Mitchell and Lisa have seen enough. Hunter is still trying to play 'cool Dad' and dissuade them from interfering in their daughter's lives but he's fighting a losing battle. Lisa has made a decision. Mitchel concurs. It's time to c*ck-block their daughters.

Hunter

Teenage girls, they have sex. Do you like freak out when you see a bee fu*king a flower?

Lisa

I'm gonna stop her.

Mitchell

I'm in.

Lisa

Let's c*ck-block those mother-fu*kers.

Hunter

No, no...