7 MP3 Audio clips from Little Britain USA (2008)

PLAY ALL 7 CLIPS

Clip 1

Phyllis has issues. She hears voices. Namely that of her dog, Mr. Doggy who tells her to do terrible, terrible things.

Mr. Doggy

Look at that brick.

Phyllis

Which one?

Mr. Doggy

That one.

Phyllis

Oh yes, I see it.

Mr. Doggy

Wouldn't you like to see that brick go through that store window?

Phyllis

Well, I... I don't know.

Mr. Doggy

Hear the smash. See the shards of glass fall to the ground, splintering everywhere bringing chaos and confusion.

Phyllis

No. I wouldn't want to see that, Mr. Doggy.

Mr. Doggy

I would. I would love to see that. Imagine the distress it would cause. Pick up the brick.

Phyllis

No, I can't.

Mr. Doggy

PICK... UP... THE... BRICK.

Phyllis

Oh, if you say so, Mr. Doggy, er... well, I've got the brick but I'm not throwing it through the window.

Mr. Doggy

Throw it.

Phyllis

No!

Mr. Doggy

THROW IT YOU PIECE OF SH*T!

Phyllis

NO.

Mr. Doggy

If you loved me you'd do it.

Phyllis

Ohhh, I....

[She launches the brick through the store window]

Are you happy now?

Mr. Doggy

Well, no. What in Hell's name did you do that for?

Phyllis

But you told me to...

Mr. Doggy

You are one crazy b**ch!

Clip 2

Elllie-Grace. The very image of sweetness and innocence. But with the vulgar vocabulary of a hooker.

Ellie-Grace

I love you more than Toy Story 2.

Mom

I love you more than marshmallows.

Ellie-Grace

I love you more than Snoopy.

Mom

I love you more than cupcakes.

Ellie-Grace

I love you more than black c*ck.

Granny

What was that dear?

Ellie-Grace

[Shouting]

I said I love you more than black c*ck.

Granny

She takes after her old Grandma.

Clip 3

Just what will Mr. Doggy have his long-suffering (and mentally ill) owner do this time?

Mr. Doggy

Take off your clothes.

Phyllis

Excuse me?

Mr. Doggy

I said take off your clothes.

Phyllis

No, Mr. Doggy. It's cold.

Mr. Doggy

I said take 'em off.

Phyllis

Now listen, Mr. Doggy. Mommy's had quite enough of your silly ideas. You're going to get Mommy into trouble.

Mr. Doggy

Take 'em off.

Phyllis

No.

Mr. Doggy

If you loved me you'd do it.

Phyllis

Well, um, very quickly then.

[PHYLLIS takes off her clothes]

Happy now?

Mr. Doggy

No. Go and stand in the trash.

Phyllis

Certainly not!

Mr. Doggy

I won't tell you again!

[PHYLLIS clambers naked into a trash can]

Phyllis

Is this what you wanted?

Mr. Doggy

Why on Earth would anyone want you to do that? Lady you're out of your fu*kin' mind!

Clip 4

And the dinner party was going so well until he insisted that he knew the waiter…

Male diner

Next year we'll be celebrating our thirty-fifth wedding anniversary won't we, Darling?

Female diner

Oh isn't it amazing? And our kids are all grown up now.

Male guest

Well, they both went to college didn't they?

Male diner

That's right. One at Harvard, one at Yale.

Male guest

Well, of course!

Female diner

We're so proud of them.

Waiter

More champagne?

Female guest

No thank you.

Male guest

No thank you.

Male diner

Have I met you before?

Waiter

I, uh, don't think so.

Male diner

I'm sure I have. Your face is very familiar.

Waiter

I don't know.

Male diner

I've definitely seen you some place before.

Waiter

I really don't think so.

Female diner

Darling, I don't think you know the man.

Male diner

I never forget a face. Come on. Where do I know you from?

Waiter

I do a lot of hardcore gay porn movies.

Clip 5

Carol Beer. She is to customer service what Adolf Hitler was to world peace.

Carol Beer

Oh, could I borrow a moment of your time to fill out a customer service questionnaire? Would you say that I've been a.. very helpful, b.. extremely helpful or c.. fu*king helpful?

Clip 6

In the third of the Mr. Doggy clips, he's insisting that Phyllis poop for him.

Mr. Doggy

I wanna see you poop.

Phyllis

What did you say?

Mr. Doggy

I wanna see you. You always see me poop. I wanna see YOU poop.

Phyllis

Well, I can't do that.

Mr. Doggy

Sure you can. You can poop for me. It'd be cool.

Phyllis

No.

Mr. Doggy

Poop for me.

Phyllis

I SAID, no.

Mr. Doggy

If you loved me you'd do it.

Phyllis

I don't think I CAN poop right now.

Mr. Doggy

Sure you can. You've been farting like a trooper all afternoon.

Phyllis

Um, maybe a little one.

Mr. Doggy

Do it, God damn it!

Clip 7

Could it be Tourettes? Whatever it is, Ellie-Grace is riddled with it and she can't keep a civil tongue in her head!

Ellie-Grace

I love you more than gummy bears.

Mom

I love you more than puppy dogs.

Ellie-Grace

I love you more than smiles.

Mom

I love you more than raindrops.

Ellie-Grace

I love you more than... trans-sexual porn.