27 MP3 Audio clips from Season 2 of The Office (UK) (2001)

PLAY ALL 54 CLIPS IN THE RANDOMISER™

Gareth. How can I sum up Gareth in just a few words? Well, I don't think I can but this clip might help you to understand what a massive twat he is.

[GARETH has answered his mobile phone]

Gareth

Gareth Keenan. Who's that? Oggy! Oggy, Oggy, Oggy! Oink, oink, oink! Oggy, Oggy, Oggy! Oink, oink, oink! Oggy! Oggy! Oggy, Oggy, Oggy! Oink, oink, oink!

[Chuckles]

Yeah. I'll see you later.

Tim

Do you still keep in touch with Oggy?

Gareth

That was Oggy just then.

Tim

Was it? How is he?

Gareth

He's fine. You don't even know him.

Tim

No, I wish I did. He sounds great.

Gareth

He is, actually.

Tim

Hmm. One thing, Gareth. When you are on the phone, could you keep the pig impersonations down to a minimum?

Gareth

Yeah, here we go. I've told you before, you can't tell me what to do. I am team leader.

Tim

Well, you see, Gareth, I'm senior sales rep, so yes, I can.

Gareth

Uh, team leader beats senior sales rep.

Tim

No, no. No, it doesn't. My job title actually means something, Gareth. Yeah? Uh, I've got a pay rise. I'm on a new scale. Team leader don't mean anything, mate.

Gareth

Excuse me, it means I'm leader of a team.

Tim

No, it doesn't mean. It's a title someone's given you to get you to do something they don't want to do for free. All right? It's like making a... div kid at school milk monitor. No one respects it.

Gareth

I think they do.

Tim

No, they don't, Gareth.

Gareth

Uh, yes, they do. 'Cause if people were rude to me, you know, I used to give them their milk last. So that it was warm.

Is this joke racist? I mean... does it have to be a black man's c*ck? Wouldn't the joke work just as well if the colour of the owner of the c*ck in question were unspecified?

David

Do you know this little thing we're doing lunchtime? Just a welcoming do for the new Swindon lot?

Tim

Yeah, yeah.

David

Just a meet and greet. And I'll be doing a speech, so no heckling.

Gareth

I've got a joke.

David

Well, you don't usually do jokes, but go on.

Gareth

All right. It's Christmas dinner. Royal family having a Christmas dinner. Camilla Parker Bowles goes, "Okay, we'll play 20 Questions. I'll think of something. You have to ask me questions and guess what it is." So, what she's thinking is a black man's c*ck.

David

Oh! Trust Camilla. It's not racist, is it?

Gareth

No.

David

No.

Gareth

Um, so, Prince Philip goes, "Is it big in the bread bin?"

David

Mmm.

Gareth

She goes, "Yeah." Prince Charles goes, "Is it something that I can put it in my mouth?" She goes, "Yeah." Queen goes, "Is it a black man's c*ck?"

David

[Laughs]

Oh for the love of... Well, at least David doesn't discriminate. He likes to offend people of every colour, creed, sexual orientation and gender. But is this the way to start a presentation at work?

David

You know he was saying about me being at the top of a pile of men? Saying I'm gay. All right, I'm not gay. In fact, I can honestly say -

[He makes an obscene masturbatory gesture]

- I've never come over a little queer!

Well, it's confirmed. The joke is racist and, unfortunately for David, it's resulted in a complaint being made to Jennifer.

Jennifer

Well, it's a shame this had to happen on Neil's first day, but...

[Sighs]

...well, I've just had a complaint from one of the new intake.

David

What complaint?

Jennifer

I can't believe that you think the way to welcome people is by telling racist jokes.

David

Wrong. No way. But... he'd heard it before. Right? He thought it was funny, so I don't see why he's complaining now.

Jennifer

He? It was a woman.

David

I thought... I assumed it was the... the new guy. Whoever it was, is wrong. 'Cause it isn't racist.

Jennifer

What is it then?

David

What, the joke?

Jennifer

Mmm, the gist of it.

David

Won't be funny now, will it?

Jennifer

I don't care. What's the content?

David

Royal family sitting at home, Christmas Day. And, uh... Camilla goes, "Well, let's play a game. I'll think of something. And you have to guess what I'm thinking of." And what she's actually thinking of is a black man's c*ck. So, uh... Charles goes, "Is it big in the bread bin?" Camilla goes, "Yeah." So, Philip goes, "Can I put it in my mouth?" Camilla goes, "Yeah." So the Queen goes, "Oh, is it a black man's c*ck?"

[GARETH starts laughing]

And he's heard it before. So that's the sort of... yeah.

Jennifer

I can see why someone would find that offensive.

David

It's not racist though, is it? I didn't say anything bad about black people.

Jennifer

It's about a black man's c*ck.

David

Why is that racist? It just happens to be a black man's c*ck. You could equally -

Jennifer

No, you're using the ethnic stereotype that all black men have large penises because you think that makes it funnier.

David

It's not an insult though, is it? It's a compliment if anything.

Jennifer

So... so, what you're saying is that black people ought to be flattered that their only achievement in this world is having oversized genitalia?

David

I'm saying they shouldn't be ashamed of 'em.

Jennifer

It's a myth.

Gareth

I don't know, Jennifer. I could show you a magazine, where literally...

Jennifer

Could you?

Gareth

Well, I haven't got it with me, but when are you next in?

When you work with someone like Gareth, it's important to make time and, in fact, diarise opportunities to make his life as difficult as possible. Tim knows that. And so does Dawn.

Tim

Um, Dawn, hello. Uh... listen I've been checking my diary. I've, uh... been overlooking something. So have you, actually. There's a twenty minute window I've got here, it says to, uh... wind up Gareth with Dawn. So, uh... shall we do that? Shall we?

Dawn

Mmm.

Tim

This way please, madam.

[TIM ushers DAWN into a side office in which GARETH is working]

Gareth

Oh, no, please. I'm not in the mood. I'm working.

Tim

Just a quick one. Did you see that film last night, Gaylords Say No?

Gareth

No.

[TIM and DAWN laugh]

Gareth is using a hand grip to strengthen his wrists. At his desk. In the office. Which, understandably, leads to questions about his masturbatory habits.

Tim

Gareth, what... are you building up your wrists?

Gareth

Yes.

Tim

Oh. When is the charity wa*k-athon?

Gareth

I don't know, but you'd win it.

Tim

[Laughs]

That's good.

It's appraisal time for Dawn. And rest assured, David will use this opportunity to big himself up. Make it all about him. Because that's what narcissistic bosses like him do, right?

David

Okay, if you had to name a role model, someone who's influenced you, who would it... who would it be?

Dawn

What, like a historical person?

David

No, someone in sort of general life. Just someone who's been an influence on you.

Dawn

I suppose my mum. She's just... she's strong, calm in the face of adversity. Um, God, I remember when she had a hysterectomy -

David

- If it wasn't your mother, though... I mean it doesn't even have to be a woman. It could be a...

Dawn

Man? Um, okay. Well, I suppose if it was a man it'd be my father.

David

Not your father. Let's take your parents as read. I'm looking for someone in the sort of work-related arena who's influenced...

Dawn

Right. Okay. Well, I suppose Tim, then. He's always -

David

Well, he's a friend, isn't he? Not a friend. Someone in authority. Maybe I didn't... you know...

Dawn

Uh, well, then, I suppose Jennifer.

David

I thought we said not a woman. Didn't we? Or am I...

Dawn

Er, okay, well, I suppose you're the only one who...

David

Oh. Embarrassing. That's backfired, hasn't it? Oh, dear. Very flattering. Can we put me? I don't know.

Dawn

Okay. Tim, then.

David

We said not Tim. So, do you want to put me or not?

Dawn

Okay.

David

Right. So shall I put strong role model?

Dawn

Okay.

David

Yeah.

Ladies: form an orderly queue, please. Because Gareth knows how to take care of your needs. Both financially and sexually, apparently.

Gareth

I usually steer clear of ladies at work, but there is someone I've got my eye on. I won't say who. I don't know what Tim's playing at, moving in. He's already embarrassed himself once before asking Dawn out, so this is only going to end in tears. Whereas I, you probably notice, play it cool. He's not a man of the world like me. I can read women. And you've got to know their wants and their needs. And that can be anything from making sure she's got enough money to buy groceries each week, to making sure she's gratified sexually after intercourse.

I think Gareth's use of the phrase, "sloppy seconds" is probably part of the reason he's still single. And to use it when speaking to someone you're interested in? No. No, Gareth. No.

Gareth

All right? Hi.

Rachel

Hello.

Gareth

You don't have a boyfriend, do you?

Rachel

No.

Gareth

No. Any kids from previous marriages or anything?

Rachel

Uh, no.

Gareth

No. Would you like to come out for a drink with me tonight?

Rachel

Um, I can't I'm afraid. I'm going to go out with Tim. So...

Gareth

Tonight?

Rachel

Yeah.

Gareth

Can I come?

Rachel

Uh, not really.

Gareth

But you're not planning on getting off with him or anything?

Rachel

Look, I don't think this is any of your business.

Gareth

I'm sorry. It's none of my business.

Rachel

Okay.

Gareth

You go and have a drink, by all means. Enjoy yourself.

Rachel

Thanks.

Gareth

Just know that if you don't go all the way with Tim, I will still be interested. All right?

Rachel

Thanks. That's... that's good to know I have something to fall back on. What if I do go all the way with Tim but I want a little bit more with you?

Gareth

I don't usually do sloppy seconds, but I judge everything on its individual merit, so we'll cross that river when we come to it.

Rachel

Thanks. That's good to know.

Gareth

No problem.

Since when has poetry been a way to a woman's heart? Lord Byron's day? Hmm. And even if you DO like poetry, I'm not sure that David's attempt is going to float your boat OR light your candle.

David

This one's called Excalibur.
"I froze your tears and made a dagger,
and stabbed it in my c*ck forever.
It stays there like Excalibur.
Are you my Arthur? Say you are."

Dawn

Good.

David

"Take this cool, dark, steeled blade.
Steal it, sheath it in your lake.
I'd drown with you to be together.
Must you breathe? 'Cause I need heaven."

It's these cut-away interviews with David Brent that I love. Just him and a camera and his absolutely ape-sh*t thoughts. I mean... Ian Botham? Spastics? His philosophy is a car crash.

David

People see me and see the suit and they go, "You're not fooling anyone." They know I'm rock 'n 'roll through and through. But you know that old thing, "Live fast, die young"? Not my way. Live fast, sure. Live too bloody fast sometimes. But, uh, die young? Die old. That's the way. I'm not orthodox, you know. I don't live by "The rules", you know? If there's one other person who's influenced me in that way of thinking, someone who is a maverick, someone who does that to the system, then it's Ian Botham. Because Beefy will happily say, "That's what I think of your selection policy." Yeah? "Yes, I've hit the odd copper, yes, I've enjoyed the odd doobie. But will you p*ss off and leave me alone? I'm walking to John O'Groats for some spastics."

What good can ever come of asking someone to guess your age? I mean, unless you're a child, you're always going to be offended, right? Because we all look older than we actually are.

David

How old would you say I was, if you didn't know me?

Sales Rep 1

Forty?

David

No. How old do you think I look?

Sales Rep 1

Oh, um... thirty-nine?

David

Most people think I look about thirty. So...

Sales Rep 1

Definitely not.

David

Oh, you're calling them liars?

Sales Rep 1

Maybe...

David

What do you think?

Sales Rep 2

Well, between thirty and forty.

David

Yes. More honest.

A birthday. A dildo. An embarrassing moment for David as he's interviewed by Ray and Jude from Cooper & Webb. And it only gets worse when the thing activates in his hand.

Jude

Sorry, do you have a diary? We could make some dates now.

David

Absolutement.

[DAVID moves his diary to reveal a vibrator that TIM planted in his office as a dare moments earlier]

Uh, what's that?

Jude

It's a dildo.

David

Is it yours?

Jude

No!

David

No. No. Wow. I don't know... sorry. This is an example of problems. Let's have a look.

[DAVID walks into the office and addresses his staff]

Okay, everybody. What am I doing in there with a dildo? She says it's not hers and I for one believe her. So whose is it?

[TRUDY raises her hand, embarrassed]

Right. What's it doing in there?

Trudy

It was a birthday present, um, but I don't know what it's doing in there.

David

Okay. So, good harmless fun. But, you know... is it today your birthday? Many happy returns. But, what have we learnt from this?

Trudy

Not to leave your dildo lying around?

David

Don't let it out of your sight because it can wind up anywhere.

[DAVID accidentally activates the vibrator and it buzzes and gyrates in his hand]

Oh. What's that? Just... Sorry. How do you... Oh, it's worse. Now, what do you do when that happens?

Jude

Well, you probably like...

David

Just can you get that, make sure that gets back to...

Jude

Can we put some dates in?

David

Yeah, sure. We're actually in the middle of something.

Rachel loves dares. She's dared Tim to conceal a vibrator in David's office and now she's daring Gareth to call David and say exactly what she writes down on a pad of paper.

Gareth

If you want to see bravery, come to me. I'll do a dare.

Tim

Bravery? Oh, yeah.

Gareth

Yeah, come on.

Rachel

Okay, okay. You know what? Okay. I'm gonna phone... No. I'm going to write things for you to say. Now come here. And then I'm gonna phone David and I want you to say exactly what I write down, okay?

Gareth

No way. You'll make me sound like a bender.

Rachel

No, look. I swear I won't.

Gareth

No way, no.

Rachel

It'll just be... it'll just be funny things. It'll come out cute.

Gareth

I'm not. I'm not gonna say anything that makes me sound like a bender.

David

[Answering the phone]

Hello?

Gareth

Hi, it's Gareth.

David

Hiya. I'm in a meeting at the moment, Gareth.

Gareth

Yeah. Um, just gonna say a few things.

David

All right.

Gareth

You're... you're doing a great job.

David

Okay.

[To JUDE and RAY]

Just an employee saying what a superb job I'm doing. Is that it?

Gareth

No. I like your little beard.

David

Okay. Is that it?

Gareth

One more thing.

David

What?

Gareth

Um... you should wear tighter trousers.

David

Can I give you a call back?

Gareth

Yeah. Bye.

Tim

That was genius! Genius. Genius.

It's Tim's turn to be interviewed. And he has a lot to say about his love life. Or, rather, lack thereof. He's quite the catch, ladies. For so many reasons.

Tim

No. I don't talk about my love life for a very good reason. And that reason is, I don't have one. Um... which is good news for the ladies, I suppose. I am still available. Uh, I'm a heck of a catch. 'Cause... let's look at it... I live in Slough, in a lovely house... with my parents. I have my own room, which I've had since, yeah, since I was born. Um... that's seen a lot of action, I tell you. Mainly dusting. But, uh... I went to university for a year as well, before I dropped out, so I'm a quitter. Uh, so, yeah, form an orderly queue, ladies.

Don't ask me how the conversation got around to doggy-style sex but Gareth can't help himself. He's about to commit the ultimate faux-pas.

Gareth

I'll, uh, I'll do you from behind if you want. If it's just a quick in-and-out, no strings attached.

Trudy

That's really sweet. Why don't you put that in an email to me?

David needs to find his inner monologue. Because saying sh*t like this out loud at an office party is not acceptable. Funny? Yes. But not acceptable.

Neil

Who's this?

Finchy

That's The Corrs, innit?

Neil

Oh, yeah. I like The Corrs. Done some good tunes.

David

Yeah. Didn't write that one, though.

Neil

No?

David

No.

Neil

Who's that, then?

David

Don't you know?

Neil

No.

David

Oh. Not into pop music, I suppose?

Neil

Well, I prefer R&B, really. So who wrote... so who wrote that?

David

Fleetwood Mac. And I prefer their version as well.

Neil

Well, uh, I know who I'd rather wake up with!

David

Oh, sexist, Neil.

Finchy

They can play my instrument any day.

David

Oh, bawdy. I don't think you'd pull women like the Corrs with that sort of attitude.

Finchy

Yeah, 'cause you'd know.

David

No. No, I don't know why you're laughing because I'm a dark horse. So you don't... you don't...

Finchy

Yeah. Like you could get anyone like The Corrs.

David

Yeah, well, I... just 'cause I don't kiss and tell doesn't mean I don't get...

Finchy

You don't normally kiss, so you've got nothing to tell.

David

Shut up!

Neil

He'd end up with the brother.

David

No, I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't. I'd push the brother out the room, I'd get the other three and I'd bend them all over, and I'd do the drummer, the lead singer, and that one who plays violin.

[The party suddenly falls silent as what DAVID has just said sinks in]

Gareth. He's deluded. Rachel is WAY out of his league. The tragedy is that he just doesn't realise it. In his head, he's quite the catch.

[TIM is snogging RACHEL in the corridor]

Gareth

What's going on here?

Tim

What's it look like?

Gareth

How long's this been going on? When were you going to tell me? Can't believe you get off with a bird that I fancy!

Tim

Why can't you believe that, Gareth?

Gareth

What I can't believe is there's a bird that fancies you over me for a start.

Tim

Well, you...

Gareth

He's a weird little bloke. Look at his cartoon face and his hair... he looks like a Fisher Price man with rubbish clothes. Makes me think there's something wrong with you for a start. But, yet, in my head, I'd still do you, so I'm confused. All right. I'll ask you straight. Is there anything that could happen between us two while this is going on?

Rachel

Like what?

Gareth

What, specifically?

Rachel

Yeah.

Gareth

Hand job? Look, don't answer. Think about it.

It's David's debut as a motivational speaker for Cooper & Webb and he's roped Dawn in as his assistant. He's paying her to carry his bag. Yes. You heard that correctly.

David

See you later. Wish us luck on our date.

Tim

Yeah, good luck.

David

It's not a date, is it? She's got a boyfriend and I'm paying her. What sort of date would that be? I think, you know. And a hundred quid, what would I get for that? Not that I would. 'Cause you wouldn't... everything, I imagine. I'm not imagining any of it, but I do know what sort... I'm just... Okay then, there we go.

[Dropping his hold-all to the floor and turning to DAWN]

Carry that. That's what you're being paid for. See ya.

It's Red Nose Day and everyone at Wernham & Hogg is getting involved. Dawn is selling kisses for a pound.

David

Everyone's joining in. This young lady, ooh, a bit saucy, selling kisses to the lads. Or the ladies, if there are any ladies that like that sort of... I don't think there are any in this office and if there are, good luck to them. They're all welcome, we're all equal, now. It's different for girls anyway, it's more light-hearted, lower risk.

Gareth

Erotic.

David

Well, not in this case.

It's not just Dawn who's selling kisses for a pound. Tim wants to get in on that scheme, too because... well, it's a great way to wind Gareth up, isn't it?!

Tim

Oh, Gareth, you know I'm doing kisses for a pound as well, like Dawn?

Gareth

Well you're not and I wouldn't pay you if you were.

Tim

I know. So, should... I'll put your pound in, shall I?

Gareth

Eh?

Tim

I put a pound in so you'll kiss me.

Gareth

I wouldn't kiss you if you paid me.

Tim

Well I am paying, Gareth. It's quite simple, so first of all, just as it's for charity, I just need to get...

[TIM tries to kiss GARETH and he resists]

Gareth

Why are you such a bender? Get off of me!

Tim

I'm not a bender. I'm just...

Gareth

Get off! I'm not kissing you, I didn't put a pound in.

Tim

Well, I'm gonna put a pound in.

Gareth

You're such a pervert.

Tim

I'm not a pervert.

Gareth

Dirty little pervert.

Tim

That just feels good, though. Yep, that feels better.

Gareth

Hope you're getting all this.

Tim

I hope you're getting all this because -

Gareth

Hope your girlfriend knows that you're gay, 'cause otherwise she's going to get a big surprise.

Tim

Oh, hang on, is that your big surprise? I've found his big surprise. I've got it. I've found his big surprise. All right, okay... Okay.

[TIM manages to grapple GARETH'S face around to face him and kisses him full-on]

Tim

Oh!

Gareth

That was one-way. I didn't... I didn't kiss him back.

Tim

Oh! Caw!

Gareth introduces his "crew" to his work colleagues. And David in particular. What could possibly go wrong? Apart of everything, of course.

Gareth

Oh! He's the boss.

Jimmy the Perv

Oh, give us a job.

David

I've already got one reprobate, thanks very much.

Gareth

Jimmy the Perv.

David

All right, mate?

Gareth

And the Oggmonster.

David

Oh, bloody hell! What's... what's the weather like up there?

The Oggmonster

Oh, I've heard that before.

David

Your parents put you in a growbag when you were little, did they?

The Oggmonster

That's an old one.

David

"Let's grow ourselves a big, lanky, goggle-eyed freak."

The Oggmonster

All right, calm down mate. There's no need to get offensive.

David

No, no, I was just enjoying the...

The Oggmonster

I didn't call you fatty as soon as I saw you, did I?

David

No, all right. I was joining in on the -

The Oggmonster

Don't have a go at the eyes, that is a stigmatism I've had from the age of five, so that's what makes them a bit bulbous. So don't just... I didn't call you, like "The Whaleman" or "The Blubberman."

David

Yeah, but I don't go around calling myself the mong-boy.

The Oggmonster

Well I don't either, I call myself the Oggmonster.

David

I'm not going to call you the Oggmonster.

The Oggmonster

Well, that's my name.

David

No it's not. What's your real name?

The Oggmonster

Nathan.

David

That's a good name.

The Oggmonster

Is it?

David

Yes! I'll call you Nathan.

The Oggmonster

I didn't call you fatty!

[NATHAN storms out of the office, clearly upset]

David

What is... what is the matter with him?

Keith. He's the shy, morbidly obese accountant at Wernham Hogg. And he's also the font of all knowledge when it comes to travelling to the United States, apparently.

Keith

A lot of crime in America.

Dawn

Right, well, I'll be careful.

Keith

Word of advice: keep your traveller's cheques in a bum-bag.

Dawn

Thanks, I'll buy one.

Keith

When you get there?

Dawn

Yep.

Keith

Word of warning, then. Out there, they call them fanny-packs. 'Cause fanny means your arse over there. Not your minge.

Gareth. Why does he have to say out loud everything that he's thinking? I mean... surely this thought should never form in someone's head, let alone be spoken aloud? Jesus.

[RACHEL sits on TIM'S desk]

Gareth

Excuse me. There's procedures. Chairs are for sitting on.

Rachel

I think he's a little bit jealous that he's not getting the view you're getting!

Gareth

Wrong, I got the arse this side so... I'd only want to be sitting where he's sitting if you was wearing a skirt then I could look up there. At it.

David has been told he must accept redundancy. He's styling it out. Pretending he's not bothered. But we can read him like a book. He's devastated.

David

I don't look upon this like it's the end. I look upon it like it's moving on. You know, it's almost like my work here's done. You know, I can't imagine Jesus going, "Oh, I've told a few people here in Bethlehem I'm the Son of God. Can I just stay here with Mum and Dad now?"
"No. You've got to move on. You've got to spread the word. You know, you've got to go to Nazareth, please."
And that's... very much like me. My world does not end with these four walls. Slough's a big place, you know. And when I finish with Slough, there's Reading, Aldershot, Bracknell. You know, I've got Didcot, Yateley. You know, Winnersh, Taplow. You know, because I am my own... my own boss, I can... Burghfield. I can wake up one morning and go,
"Oh, I don't feel like working today. Can I just stay in bed?"
"Oh, I don't know. Better ask the boss."
"David, can I stay in bed all day?"
"Yes, you can, David."
Both me. I'm not... that's not me in bed with another bloke called David.

The problem with speakerphone is that when a conversation gets slightly intimate, it's often too late to pick up the receiver. Everyone hears. Everyone.

[GARETH'S phone rings and he jabs the speakphone button]

Gareth

Gareth Keenan. Hello.

Anne

Hi, baby. It's Anne.

Gareth

All right?

Anne

Are you coming around tonight?

Gareth

Er... Can't. I'm going up Chasers with the lads.

Anne

Oh, come round first. We'll have a bit of time together.

Gareth

All right.

Anne

We'll have some fun.

Gareth

Yep. Okay.

Anne

Are you, um, going to bring the toys again?

[GARETH snatches up the receiver but it's too late. Everyone has heard.]

Gareth

Um... Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Look forward to... doing it to you, too. All right. Bye.

Tim

The toys?

Gareth

Shut up.

Tim

What are the toys? Is it Buckaroo? It's not Boggle, is it?

Gareth

Shut up.

Tim

If it's KerPlunk, I'm coming round.

Gareth

That was actually a private phone call, so...

Tim

Well, don't put it on speakerphone then, Gareth.

[Returning to his conversation with RACHEL]

Yeah, The Jolly Farmer. It's off the -

[Turning back to GARETH]

Is it Hungry Hippos?

If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain. Did Dolly Parton really say that? I mean, it's possible. It's actually lovely. But can we believe anything that David says?!

David

Life is just a series of peaks and troughs. Yeah. And you don't know whether you're in a trough until you're climbing out, or on a peak until you're coming down. And that's it. You never know what's around the corner. But it's all good. Um... Yeah. If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain. Do you know which "philosopher" said that? Dolly Parton. Yeah. And people say she's just a big pair of tits.