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The Simpsons | Season 1
© 1989 Gracie Films / 20th Television Animation
Starting out in 1987 as a segment on the Tracey Ullman Show and going independent in 1990, The Simpsons is now a global phenomenon, following the lives of a dysfunctional family from Springfield comprising Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie. Running for 34 seasons and the same number of years, it's a positive goldmine of comedy which we're very proud to (finally) commence work on.
UPDATED: | CLIPS: 441
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Clip 1 S01 E01: "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" |
Springfield Elementary are holding their annual Christmas show. And Marge is one of hundreds of proud parents packed into the auditorium to enjoy what their talented offspring have to offer. |
|
Marge |
Isn't Bart sweet, Homer? He sings like an angel. |
Bart |
Ohhhhhh, Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile broke its wheel, The Joker got aw - |
[BART is yanked off the stage by his teacher] |
Clip 2 S01 E01: "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" |
Ever wondered where Santa's Little Helper came from or why he was so named? Well, we have to go back to the very first episode to find out. |
|
Commentator |
Attention, racing fans... we have a late scratch in the fourth race. Number eight, Sir Galahad will be replaced by Santa's Little Helper. Once again, Sir Galahad has been replaced by Santa's Little Helper. |
Homer |
[Gasps] |
Bart! Did you hear that? What a name! Santa's Little Helper? It's a sign. It's an omen. |
Bart |
It's a coincidence, Dad. |
[BART gets dragged away by HOMER who's intent on placing a bet on SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER] |
Clip 3 S01 E01: "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" |
Lisa. She's such a sharp cookie. She might only be eight-years-old but she already has a handle on how her relationship with her father will dictate the nature of all her future relationships. |
|
Selma |
It's almost nine o'clock. |
Patty |
Where is Homer anyway? It's so typical of the big doofus to spoil it all. |
Lisa |
What, Aunt Patty? |
Patty |
Oh nothing, dear. I'm just trashing your father. |
Lisa |
Well, I wish you wouldn't. Because, aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings, he's the only father I have. Therefore, he is my model of manhood and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. So I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a knock at at me and I am far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts. |
Patty |
Mmm hmm. Go watch your cartoon show, dear. |
Clip 4 S01 E02: "Bart the Genius" |
Is Martin more perturbed by Bart's lack of respect for school property or his spelling of the word wiener? I think it might be the latter, to be honest. |
|
Martin |
Principal Skinner? One of my fellow children is vandalising school property. |
Principal Skinner |
Oh? Where? |
Martin |
Over there, sir. See? |
Millhouse |
Look out, Bart. Here comes Skinner! |
Bart |
Yikes! |
Principal Skinner |
Hmm. Whoever did this is in very deep trouble. |
Martin |
And a sloppy speller, too. The preferred spelling of wiener is W-I-E-N-E-R, although E-I is an acceptable ethnic variant. |
Clip 5 S01 E03: "Homer's Odyssey" |
The first of many prank phone calls made by Bart to the long-suffering Moe Szyslak. And the idiot falls for it every single time. Every... single... time. |
|
[The phone at Moe's Tavern rings and the proprietor answers it] |
Moe |
Moe's Tavern. |
Bart |
Is Mr. Freely there? |
Moe |
Who? |
Bart |
Freely. First initals I.P. |
Moe |
Hold on. I'll check. |
[Addressing his patrons] |
Uh, is I.P. Freely here? HEY, EVERYBODY! I.P. FREELY! |
[The patrons of Moe's Tavern laugh] |
Clip 6 S01 E04: "There's No Disgrace Like Home" |
The employees of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant have been invited to Mr. Burns's mansion for the annual picnic. And their families are invited, too. Which is bad news for Homer. |
|
Mr. Burns |
Make yourselves at home. |
Bart |
Hear that, Dad? You can lie around in your underwear and scratch yourself. |
Clip 7 S01 E04: "There's No Disgrace Like Home" |
I'm guessing that this short pep-talk is something that Homer has to give his family on a regular basis, whenever they're out together in public. |
|
Homer |
Now remember... as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family. |
Clip 8 S01 E04: "There's No Disgrace Like Home" |
The Simpsons need money for family counselling and this means pawning their TV. Which is horrifying for Lisa and her siblings. |
|
Homer |
To save this family, we're going to have to make the supreme sacrifice. |
Lisa |
No, Dad. Please don't pawn the TV. |
Bart |
Oh come on, Dad. Anything but that. |
Marge |
Homer, couldn't we pawn my engagement ring instead? |
Homer |
Oh, I appreciate that, honey. But we need one-hundred and fifty dollars, here. |
Clip 9 S01 E06: "Moaning Lisa" |
Another crank phonecall from Bart to Moe's Tavern. Will Moe fall for it a second time? Of course he will! |
|
[The phone at Moe's Tavern rings once again and MOE answers it] |
Moe |
Yeah, Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking. |
Bart |
Is Jacques there? |
Moe |
Who? |
Bart |
Jacques. Last name Strap. |
Moe |
Uh, hold on. |
[MOE addressed his patrons] |
Uhhh... JACQUES... STRAP. HEY, GUYS... I'M LOOKING FOR A JACQUES STRAP! |
[MOE'S patrons laugh] |
Clip 10 S01 E08: "The Telltale Head" |
The life of a Sunday School Teacher is not a happy one. Especially when she works in Springfield. |
|
Little Girl |
Will my dog, Pepper be there? |
Sunday School Teacher |
I'm sorry but the answer is no. |
Little Girl |
Why not? |
Sunday School Teacher |
Because Heaven is for people. |
Lisa |
What about my cat, Snowball? |
Sunday School Teacher |
I'm sorry but the answer is no. |
Millhouse |
Will there be cavemen in heaven? |
Sunday School Teacher |
Certainly not. |
Bart |
Um, ma'am? What if you're a really good person but you're in a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated... will it be waiting for you in Heaven? |
Sunday School Teacher |
For the last time, Bart... yes! |
[We cut to the continuation of this conversation] |
The ventriloquist goes to Heaven but the dummy doesn't. |
Bart |
Oh, oh, oh! Me! |
Sunday School Teacher |
Bart? |
Bart |
What about a robot with a human brain? |
Sunday School Teacher |
I don't know! All these questions! Is a little blind faith too much to ask? |
[The church bell begins chiming, denoting the end of the service and the end of the Sunday School class, causing the children to cheer] |
DON'T FORGET NEXT WEEK! REMEMBER TO READ... |
Clip 11 S01 E09: "Life on the Fast Lane" |
Jacques is the handsome, attentive French bowling instructor who Marge briefly considers an affair with. And he's smoother than a cashmere codpiece. |
|
Jacques |
Meet me tomorrow for brunch. |
Marge |
What's brunch? |
Jacques |
You'd love it. It's not quite breakfast. It's not quite lunch. But it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end. You don't get completely what you would at breakfast but you get a good meal. |
Marge |
I don't think so. |
Jacques |
Marge, darling... there are ten pins in my heart. You've knocked over eight... won't you please pick up that spare? |
Clip 12 S01 E09: "Life on the Fast Lane" |
Jacques is still on a mission to get inside Marge's panties. It's time to introduce her to that classic breakfast cocktail, Mimosa. But Marge gets entirely the wrong idea. |
|
Jacques |
Mimosa? |
Marge |
I'm a married woman. Please don't call me that. |
Jacques |
[Laughs] |
No, no, no, no, no. Mimosa is the name of the drink. It's orange juice and champagne. You're so wonderful that you thought it was something offensive. |
Marge |
Oh, well... thank you! |
Clip 13 S01 E09: "Life on the Fast Lane" |
Homer is convinced that his marriage is coming to an end. And, as a result, he's unable to enjoy a toss around with Bart in the back yard. My God, that sounds all kinds of wrong! |
|
Bart |
Simpson checks the runner on first. He's cool. He's fine. Here's the line-up, and... here's the pitch. |
[BART pitches the ball, hitting HOMER in the face and causing him to fall to the ground] |
Dad! You didn't even say "ouch." |
Homer |
Oh, sorry. Ouch! |
Clip 14 S01 E10: "Homer's Night Out" |
Long before people started to use strange pronouns to describe themselves, The Simpsons gave a nod to the concept. The fe-Mail Man? No. The correct term is Female Carrier. |
|
[The doorbell rings at 742 Evergreen Terrace] |
Bart |
Uh-oh. It's the fe-Mail Man. |
Lisa |
Female Carrier, Bart. |
Clip 15 S01 E12: "Krusty Gets Busted" |
Krusty. He has an almost cult-like hold over his young fans. I mean... he's a clown. But then so are most cult leaders, so I guess this works. |
|
Krusty |
Hey, kids! Who do you love? |
Kids |
KRUSTY! |
Krusty |
How much do you love me? |
Kids |
WITH ALL OUR HEARTS! |
Krusty |
What would you do if I went off the air? |
Kids |
WE'D KILL OURSELVES! |
Krusty |
[Laughs] |
Clip 16 S01 E12: "Krusty Gets Busted" |
An armed robber, dressed as Krusty is robbing the Kwik-E-Mart. Luckily, Apu knows the drill. |
|
Robber |
Hand over all your money in a paper bag. |
Apu |
Yes, yes I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know. |
Clip 17 S01 E12: "Krusty Gets Busted" |
Krusty is getting arrested for a robbery he simply didn't commit. And Chief Wiggum doesn't know the Miranda rights off the top of his head. Which is a shame, especially since he's the Chief of Police. |
|
Krusty |
Hey, hey.... what's going on here? |
Chief Wiggum |
Krusty the Clown, you're under arrest for armed robbery. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say... blah, blah, blah... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! |
Krusty |
What is this? A joke? |
Clip 18 S01 E13: "Some Enchanted Evening" |
Bart's third prank phone call to Moe's Tavern is certainly tamer than some of his later ones. This time, he's after Al. Al Coholic. Alcoholic. Get it? Good. Because Moe didn't! |
|
Moe |
Moe's Tavern. |
Bart |
Hello! Is Al there? |
Moe |
Al? |
Bart |
Yeah, Al. Last name... Coholic. |
Moe |
Let me check. |
[MOE addresses his patrons] |
PHONE CALL FOR AL. AL COHOLIC. IS THERE AN AL COHOLIC HERE? |
[MOE'S patrons laugh at him] |
Clip 19 S01 E13: "Some Enchanted Evening" |
Oliver Clothesoff. Strange name. You'd think that Moe would have cottoned on to this one right from the get-go. Oliver Clothesoff sounds like "All of her clothes off," right?! |
|
Moe |
Moe's Tavern. |
Bart |
Is Oliver there? |
Moe |
Who? |
Bart |
Oliver. Clothesoff. |
Moe |
Hold on. I'll check. |
[MOE addresses his patrons] |
OLIVER CLOTHESOFF. CALL FOR OLIVER CLOTHESOFF. |
[BART and LISA laugh] |